And now, for you smarty-pants kids…

March 3, 2011

 

Okay, publishing staff, I’ll tell you why we called this meeting.

Children’s books aren’t selling as well as they used to. We need to retool them a bit for today’s more sophisticated kids, and for the the dads who do the bedtime reading.

ITALY-FASHION/You know, maybe even a tad risqué.

Now, Lamar has been brainstorming this, and he has some ideas for us. Lamar, fill us in….

Well Boss, Everybody likes the “Paddington Bear” books. He’s so cute, with that cute little raincoat and those big boots….

The story has gone as far as it can go in that direction. But what if Paddington has a trampy 21-year-old sister who’s kinda loose with the guys?

See, she dresses like Paddington, except her raincoat and boots and bag are all in bright red, and she’s always sneaking off to mess around with boys she just met.

Very interesting. And what’s the working title of the new book, Lamar?

Are you ready, Boss? “Paddington Bare.”

Very nice, Lamar! Let’s green-light that sucker! Is there anything else in the pipeline for our new Smarty-Pants Kids imprint?

paddington bear 220Sure Boss, we’ve updated the ever-popular “Pat the Bunny” book. Now it’s a story about a “Playboy” centerfold.

Sounds great! And the new title?

Oh, we think “Pat the Bunny” will still work fine for that one, Boss.

 

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Left: A model presents a creation by Blumarine during the Autumn/Winter 2011 women collection show at Milan’s Fashion Week February 25, 2011. REUTERS/Stefano Rellandini

Right: Paddington Bear

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25 comments

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If she’s wearing only that…

Posted by fwd079 | Report as abusive

You sure the creation was by Blumarine? Redmarine would sound more appropriate somehow. ;)

Posted by Malteser | Report as abusive

You sure this is a family bog, BG?

Posted by Shra | Report as abusive

What a lovely, cheerful outfit!

fwd: in the Smarty Pants book club, she’d be wearing hot pants…

BG: I really, really don’t want to think about what is on the centerfold of the bunny book for people to touch. In fact, I don’t want to touch the book after someone has, um, read it.

Posted by Onedoor | Report as abusive

At least Lamar had the foresight to make the trampy sister 21 so it won’t be illegal is there is alcohol involved. And when it comes to trampy sisters there usually is.

Posted by iflydaplanes | Report as abusive

“Paddington Bare.”
I weep for fear of being forced to laugh.

Posted by ARJTurgot2 | Report as abusive

@Malt – It sure isn’t aquamarine. But whatever it is, I don’t remember any Marine ever looking quite like that.

So BG, when can I get these books on my Kindle? I’m willing to proofread the drafts if Lamar needs some help. That is – as long as the OEBG is not the source of the illustrations.

Posted by Dave_not_dave | Report as abusive

I wondered if that came from “Baby Blue Marine.”

Posted by DoctorDoll | Report as abusive

Day rate, Spin? Right, like Lamar has ever worked for a whole day…

Posted by rcbasler | Report as abusive

So, is the updated “Pat the Bunny” going to have the same sort of texture inserts like the original did?

Posted by AllThatJazz | Report as abusive

Actually, I just looked through my kids’ copy of Pat the Bunny and I think that with some creative editing, the original textures could still be used. You know, furry, bumpy, rough, slick…

Posted by AllThatJazz | Report as abusive

I can see that the original quote “It’s nice having a bear about the house” will have to be updated to “It’s nice to be bare about the house”.

Posted by AllThatJazz | Report as abusive

That colour is just the shade of red I am not fond of..

Posted by Shra | Report as abusive

@Shra…course it’s a family blog, I recently posted about Minetti and knee-caps and it got filtered off! Guess it was the context that made all the difference :)

And anyway – how do you think families came to be, ey? Shall I lay the facts bare for you? In a nutshell, there’s got to be baring to get child bearing. So, bear with me – unless there’s such baring, there can’t be families. So yes – of course it’s a family blog. And of course this blog belongs. Right, BG?

Posted by Malteser | Report as abusive

That was very over-bearing of you, Malt…

Posted by Shra | Report as abusive

I just recently finished a college course in Children’s Literature and Lamar’s ideas are not that far off. One rather popular book I found centered on a girl who did not want to marry the well-to-do man her parents wanted her to but instead wanted to become a flapper at the age of 17. So Lamar you really do have a good sense of direction when it comes to Children’s Lit.

Posted by CobaltBlue | Report as abusive

Cobalt, shhhh!!! Dont let Lamar hear ya!

Posted by Shra | Report as abusive

Her coat has buttons instead of toggles. Clearly, she’s not really related to Paddington.

Posted by CrowGirl | Report as abusive

And I doubt she eats marmalade sandwiches.

Posted by CrowGirl | Report as abusive

You mean Marmite sandwiches surely,CG?

Posted by Shra | Report as abusive

Ooh! Marmalade sandwiches. I’m particularly fond of lemon marmalade.

Posted by DoctorDoll | Report as abusive

Hell, no Shra! Marmite was a brief sell out, he’s got over that now.

Posted by CrowGirl | Report as abusive

Oh! Wrong stuff then, I thought he made Marmite popular… there was even a debate which I heard of once… oh well, maybe I was under the influence of the real meddies than the dough-covered ones…

Posted by Shra | Report as abusive

@Shra: Over-bearing?! I actually only mentioned the bare necessities!

Posted by Malteser | Report as abusive

You neednt have laid it out all bare you know, Malt… :D

Posted by Shra | Report as abusive