Cleopatra? Who died and made YOU queen?

March 9, 2011

PEOPLE-JACKSON/

Blog Guy, I see there’s a very popular new biography of Cleopatra. Have you read it?

cleopatra book 220Indeed I have. “Cleopatra: A Life,” by Stacy Schiff. It’s a fascinating read. Cleopatra was part of the Ptolemaic dynasty, you know.

Ptolemaic? How do you even pronounce that?

Ignore the “P.” They began a lot of words with “Pt” back then just for fun. See, they didn’t have Blu-ray or PlayStation or other real entertainment.

Is that right? I’m sensing you know nothing about this. How did Cleopatra get around Egypt?

Considering their love of Pt words, I guess she used a PT Cruiser on land, and a PT boat on the Nile.

You’re an imbecile, but I can’t be bothered to find a better blog. How did she die? Did that snake thing really happen?

No. Most likely it was poisoning, and given what we know about the language, I expect it was ptomaine.

CLEOPATRAStop it! That’s enough!

What? You can’t ptolerate my pteaching ptoday?

So, did Cleopatra have any children?

Yes, and she was very active in the…

Please don’t say it, Blog Guy. I’m begging you.

Too late. The PTA…

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Top: Oil painting “Cleopatra’s Last Moments” by French artist D. Pauvert, in an image released to Reuters February 17, 2009. REUTERS/Shaan Kokin/Julien’s Auctions/Handout

Left: Book jacket for “Cleopatra: A Life”

Right: The handwriting of Queen Cleopatra, reading “it will be so” is seen on a piece of papyrus in Berlin’s Egyptian museum and put on display for the first time October 26, 2000. REUTERS/Wolfgang Rattay

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23 comments

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My Rice Krispies ptold me pto read this blog…

Wonder if they ever used a ptrebuchet to launch the stones closer to the building site of the pyramids?

Asp me no questions, and I won’t have to reply and risk a ptase from Shra.

Posted by Onedoor | Report as abusive

My sister posed for that book cover, you know. ;-)

Posted by justCAM | Report as abusive

Considering my love for history… I will give that book a miss…
Wikipedia quenches my pthirst of knowledge quite well… :D

Posted by Shra | Report as abusive

is she sleeping…or is that an extreme case of ptosis?

Posted by GeorgiaPeach | Report as abusive

Spin, you have a Pt.

Heaven help me. My first thought of a “pt” abbreviation was for “pro tempore.” I think I need to go the pub after work and have a Pt.

Posted by DoctorDoll | Report as abusive

Somehow I can’t seem to take my eyes off that painting.. Any idea why? hehe :D

Posted by fwd079 | Report as abusive

Yeah Spin, another case of bad health insurance. She lost her job and couldn’t pay her cobra…

Posted by rcbasler | Report as abusive

C’mon, Spin. You know it bites you in the asp!

Posted by AllThatJazz | Report as abusive

Geez…I thought Cleo was supposed to be some kind of beauty. That painting gives me a MUCH better self-body image than I had before I read this blog. THANKS!

Posted by Moonshine | Report as abusive

@justCAM, dude I laugh every single time! :D

You would think Cleopatra, having lived in Egypt and all, would have more of a tan.

Posted by iflydaplanes | Report as abusive

Mr.Pilot.. see, thats why she was a beauty… she could be white as a sheet despite the harsh sun… wonder if all that cows milk she bathed in had anything to do with this….

Posted by Shra | Report as abusive

This is the background story to the painting above:

After a night of dining and boozing, Cleo was found by a nurse: stoned, pale and naked on her bed, with an unidentified man slouched over her. It was clear the man was in need to be sick.

Preliminary conclusions indicate a severe case of food poisoning. Or the doughnuts were expired.

Posted by Malteser | Report as abusive

Small correction there, Malteser… there was a woman slouched over her, who wanted to be sick…;)

Posted by Shra | Report as abusive

@Shra… Oh, didn’t notice. No brasserie around to point to that conclusion so I got confused. We’ve been seeing so many zombies on this blog lately that I’m finding it hard to discern between dudes and dudettes at times. Mea culpa!

Posted by Malteser | Report as abusive

I dont think they worried about covering themselves up back then, Malt…
Very naturist of them, methinks…

Posted by Shra | Report as abusive

@Shra, litterally white as a sheet too. The painting provides a convenient comparison!

Posted by iflydaplanes | Report as abusive

@Shra.. yeah it’s obvious they were short of salmon bars and secrets. The Victorian kind at least. ;)

Posted by Malteser | Report as abusive

You guys would have enjoyed those times if you were born then… then again, maybe you wouldn’t have…

Posted by Shra | Report as abusive

Well, speaking for myself, I think I would have enjoyed the lack of salmon bras, I mean bars,… and Victorian Secrets!

Posted by Malteser | Report as abusive

Everybody remember, there’s a ptime change ptonight…

Posted by rcbasler | Report as abusive

ptooey!

glad for later sunsets…not so happy about losing an hour of sleep. Can’t they take an hour from our Monday workday???

Posted by GeorgiaPeach | Report as abusive

ptechnically pthe ptime change it ptomorrow since it occurs at ptwo o’clock in the morning if memory serves. Which is usually doesn’t.

Posted by iflydaplanes | Report as abusive

Ptru dat….

Posted by rcbasler | Report as abusive

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