Two and a Half Morons?
Surprisingly, Hollywood has kept me at arm’s length, mostly through restraining orders, but that will change when they see my latest treatment for a TV sitcom.
Welcome to “Mel ‘n’ Charlie,” the story of two feisty but lovable eccentrics who always speak their mind.
Heck, it practically writes itself!
INTERIOR. MEL AND CHARLIE’S BACHELOR PAD – DAY
Hey Mel, what do you think of my new outfit? It’s just strafing runs in my underwear before my first cup of coffee…
You look like a f—cking pig in heat….
Resentments are the rocket fuel that lives in the tip of my saber.
I am going to come and burn the f–king house down.
I am on a drug. It’s called Charlie Sheen. It’s not available. If you try it once, you will die. Your face will melt off and your children will weep over your exploded body.
I want to kill him…I want his intestines on a stick…
Whatever … If they want me in it, it’s a smash. If they don’t, it’s a turd that opens on a tugboat.
The Jews are responsible for all the wars in the world.
And here’s the very best part.
I’ve spoken to them and it seems both actors have agreed to attach themselves to my project, at least if I correctly understand what an extended middle finger means in Hollywood.
Top combo left: Actor Mel Gibson at the Spanish premiere of the film “Edge of Darkness” in Madrid, February 1, 2010. REUTERS/Juan Medina
Top combo right: Actor Charlie Sheen in handout photo released by the Aspen Police Department on December 25, 2009. REUTERS/Aspen Police Department/Handout
Left: Actor Mel Gibson watches the Los Angeles Lakers play the Chicago Bulls in their NBA basketball game in Los Angeles November 18, 2007. REUTERS/Lucy Nicholson
Lower right: Actor Charlie Sheen blows kisses towards fans as he arrives for a sentencing hearing at the Pitkin County Courthouse in Aspen, Colorado August 2, 2010. REUTERS/Rick Wilking