Two and a Half Morons?

March 15, 2011

series combo 490

Faithful readers of this blog know that I have pitched some high-concept ideas for movies and television shows in the past, stories like The Love Market! and that extra bonus season of “24.”

NBA/Surprisingly, Hollywood has kept me at arm’s length, mostly through restraining orders, but that will change when they see my latest treatment for a TV sitcom.

Welcome to “Mel ‘n’ Charlie,” the story of two feisty but lovable eccentrics who always speak their mind.

I see it as sort of “The Odd Couple” meets “One Flew Over the Cuckoo’s Nest,” as we watch the antics of these two crazy, quirky roommates.

Heck, it practically writes itself!

FADE IN:

INTERIOR. MEL AND CHARLIE’S BACHELOR PAD – DAY

CHARLIE

Hey Mel, what do  you think of my new outfit? It’s just strafing runs in my underwear before my first cup of coffee…

MEL

You look like a f—cking pig in heat….

CHARLIE

Resentments are the rocket fuel that lives in the tip of my saber.

MEL

I am going to come and burn the f–king house down.

CHARLIE

I am on a drug. It’s called Charlie Sheen. It’s not available. If you try it once, you will die. Your face will melt off and your children will weep over your exploded body.

MEL

I want to kill him…I want his intestines on a stick…

CHARLIE

Whatever … If they want me in it, it’s a smash. If they don’t, it’s a turd that opens on a tugboat.

MEL

The Jews are responsible for all the wars in the world.

FADE OUT

USA/And here’s the very best part.

I’ve spoken to them and it seems both actors have agreed to attach themselves to my project, at least if I correctly understand what an extended middle finger means in Hollywood.

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Top combo left: Actor Mel Gibson at the Spanish premiere of the film “Edge of Darkness” in Madrid, February 1, 2010. REUTERS/Juan Medina

Top combo right: Actor Charlie Sheen in handout photo released by the Aspen Police Department on December 25, 2009. REUTERS/Aspen Police Department/Handout

Left: Actor Mel Gibson watches the Los Angeles Lakers play the Chicago Bulls in their NBA basketball game in Los Angeles November 18, 2007.  REUTERS/Lucy Nicholson

Lower right: Actor Charlie Sheen blows kisses towards fans as he arrives for a sentencing hearing at the Pitkin County Courthouse in Aspen, Colorado August 2, 2010. REUTERS/Rick Wilking

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22 comments

We welcome comments that advance the story through relevant opinion, anecdotes, links and data. If you see a comment that you believe is irrelevant or inappropriate, you can flag it to our editors by using the report abuse links. Views expressed in the comments do not represent those of Reuters. For more information on our comment policy, see http://blogs.reuters.com/fulldisclosure/2010/09/27/toward-a-more-thoughtful-conversation-on-stories/

Too much wealth is injurious to mind :D

Posted by fwd079 | Report as abusive

BG: You are a genius!

Posted by Onedoor | Report as abusive

@Spin – It sounds like a win no matter how you spin it! (heh). Entertainment in watching ridiculously over-privileged jackwagons make fools of themselves!

Alternately, maybe we could take up a collection here on the OE blog to permanently remove people like that from media coverage. I’m pretty sure that every time I see Charlie’s face, I lose an IQ point…

Posted by sarabelle | Report as abusive

Hmm, now for the theme tune.
How about Cocaine by Eric Clapton?
Or American Idiot by Green Day?

Posted by Nosmo_King | Report as abusive

Am I glad that I dont see Two and a Half men?
You bet on Charlie’s a** I am!!!!

Posted by Shra | Report as abusive

One IQ point, Sarabelle? Cripes, any idea how many you lose by reading this blog?

Posted by rcbasler | Report as abusive

Pick me! Pick me! I can answer you Blog Guy. My IQ is depreciating at a rate of 2.34 per day reading blogs. I’ve been reading these blogs for close to one year now (only started commenting lately) and I’ve lost sight of my once above-average IQ. Sometimes now I’m also unable to finish off a

Posted by Malteser | Report as abusive

In Australia, Mr Sheen is a cleaning product.
Perhaps Charlie has been using this product in an unventilated space, a few times too many?

Posted by Nosmo_King | Report as abusive

How about a guest spot on the show for Jack Nicholson? Pick up a dozen doughnuts and they should be good to go.

I had an IQ once. Didn’t like it, wrong size.

Posted by justCAM | Report as abusive

Hey how about Charlie Sheen and Muammar Gadaffi together in a sitcom?
Based on their bizarre ramblings, it would appear they already have the same speech writers.
Each week you could showcase other notable intellectuals like Lindsay Lohan, Hugo Chavez and Wayne Rooney.
You could call the show One and a Half Brains, or maybe base the show in England and call it Arthur Brain.

Posted by Nosmo_King | Report as abusive

Nosmo, you’re skating pretty close to the edge. I had to look up Wayne Rooney to find out who he was, and now I’m suffering from a learning headache…

Posted by rcbasler | Report as abusive

@Spin: I wish RB gave us a “like” button here, what an idea! :D

Posted by fwd079 | Report as abusive

Are you kidding? There is a “like” button right under every headline. It’s called “recommend.” You should use it sometime.

Oh, wait. You mean for individual comments. Nah…

Posted by rcbasler | Report as abusive

Yay, Nosmo’s back!

Posted by CrowGirl | Report as abusive

an Atlanta radio station played a game called “Charlie or Charlie?” They would read a quote, and the caller had to guess who said it: Charlie Sheen or Charlie Manson.

It was amazing how alike they sound. After the guess, they’d play an audio clip of the quote. Other than the quote that included the phrase ‘solitary confinement’, it was impossible to tell which deranged person made the statement.

Posted by GeorgiaPeach | Report as abusive

BTW – I can scroll the page so that my computer screen has a picture of Mel Gibson, Charlie Sheen, and BG.

BG, you got ‘em both beat…hands down! ;)

Posted by GeorgiaPeach | Report as abusive

@Georgia – I’m curious what you mean by “beat”. In which IQ?

Posted by Dave_not_dave | Report as abusive

I thinkwe should have a Wacky Quotient… that should take care of things…

Posted by Shra | Report as abusive

That’s okay, Spin, it looks like Charlie will be busy with his live tour for a while. Who figured?

http://www.reuters.com/article/2011/03/1 8/us-charliesheen-idUSTRE72G0D620110318

Posted by rcbasler | Report as abusive

I mean seriously… shows SOLD OUT?????????????
It seems people are just not affected by the recession anymore….

Posted by Shra | Report as abusive

Look, the only reason I’m going to his show in DC is that they’ve booked the Goofy Face Museum and Doughnut Shop….

Posted by rcbasler | Report as abusive

really, Mr.B? You let him book you? You or maybe the police should be “book”ing him!
Wait, I think thats already been done…

Posted by Shra | Report as abusive