Is that chewing tobacco on my carpet?

April 1, 2011

lookalike cutout 490

Sit down, Joe, I need to have a little talk with you.

lookalike cutout vertical 240Sure Boss, what is it?

I’ve heard reports that some of our lookalikes are fraternizing with the cutouts. I think you know we have a strict policy against that.

I can’t help myself, Boss. She’s just so tempting.

Then maybe you’re not cutout to be a lookalike, Joe.

But Boss! I’m the poster boy for lookalikes!

Well, you are a dead ringer for a dead player, I’ll give you that.

I sure am, Boss. I’m the – haaaaaarrrracchhhhhh – spitting image!

Don’t do that in my office again, Joe.

So what about the cutout, Boss? Have you reminded HER of your policy?

I sent her a carbon copy.

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A Joe DiMaggio lookalike stands with a Marilyn Monroe cutout outside Yankee Stadium in New York before the Yankees’ Major League Baseball (MLB) American League opening day game against the Detroit Tigers, March 31, 2011. REUTERS/Mike Segar

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@Spin- I was totally going to say that :)

Posted by sarabelle | Report as abusive

They should have gone the whole nine yards, and had Joe holding a Mr. Coffee coffee maker.

Posted by skeres | Report as abusive

Whoa Spin, you are far too prolific this morning. I only thought of the Simon and Garfunkel reference. You win, and I require more coffee. A deliciously greasy pastry might also be nice.

Posted by sarabelle | Report as abusive

Hah! Some lookalike. He’s not even jumping!

Posted by Nosmo_King | Report as abusive

Joe “haaaaarrracchhhh”ed but forgot to “ptooey”. It’s never polite to talk with mouth full of loogy.

Posted by iflydaplanes | Report as abusive

@ifly: Precisely. Just didn’t know how to phrase it. Thanks.

Posted by ladylala | Report as abusive

Some of USA’s celebrities are only popular there.

Posted by fwd079 | Report as abusive

Joe DiMaggio’s
double is joltin’ but his
date needs propping up

Posted by AllThatJazz | Report as abusive

@Nosmo – the decaf in the Mr. Coffee kept him from being so jumpy…now he’s just Joltin’ Joe, a lookalike schmoe

GO BRAVES!!!! I’m gonna miss Bobby Cox :(

Posted by GeorgiaPeach | Report as abusive

(Sung to “Will Your Chewing Gum Lose It’s Flavour)

Will that tobacco on my carpet
leave a stain there over night?
You chewed and then haaaaaarrrracchhhhhhed
And it really was a fright!
If that’s tobacco on my carpet
you’ll be cleaning it tonight.
And Marilyn in cardboard
is such a lovely sight!

Yeah, I know. I need therapy…

Posted by Onedoor | Report as abusive

@Onedoor: Get Free Therapy! Join the OE Blog Network

nice tune, Onedoor 😛

Take the cutout to the ball game
Fake Monroe likes to be with the crowd
No need to buy her peanuts or Cracker Jacks
We all know it’s diamonds she packs

I thought about going with the Eddie Vedder version for that third line, but I’m sure Mr. Spam Filter would not have been amused. Ok, maybe amused, but not HAPPY.

I doubt when Marilyn sang “Diamonds Are A Girl’s Best Friend” she meant the baseball diamond. On the other hand, she did marry DiMaggio…so who knows.

Posted by GeorgiaPeach | Report as abusive

A Onedoor: You don’t need therapy, girl. You need an agent–that’s one cool song. Ditto to you, Peach.

Posted by ladylala | Report as abusive

why is there a reindeer on Marilyn’s dress?

Posted by GeorgiaPeach | Report as abusive

True, and we all remember how she indicated strong gusts of wind in the forecast…. 08/05/04/dress-recaptures-movie-magic/

Posted by rcbasler | Report as abusive

A five “a” loogey? for chewing tobacco? Isn’t it more of a quish with a ptth on the end? I usually resevere the haaaaaarrrracchhhhhh for the morning “what the heck was that that crawled own my throat last night while i was sleeping”. In any case BAAAATTTER up literally.

Posted by Wheelz2 | Report as abusive

Aaaaaarrrrgggghhhhh to your haaaaarrraaaccchhh!

Posted by Shra | Report as abusive