This shore isn’t much of a school….

April 4, 2011


Blog Guy, it’s been three whole weeks since you spotted the most recent sign of that onrushing Apocalypse. Can I bring my family out of the panic room now?

snooki vertical 220Not just yet. Were you aware that Nicole “Snooki” Polizzi, from “The Jersey Shore,” spoke at Rutgers University recently and the school paid her $32,000?

Wow, that’s a butt-load of money!

Yeah, it’s $2,000 more than Rutgers is paying author Toni Morrison to speak at their graduation next month, and Morrison has won the Nobel Prize for Literature.

Snooki hasn’t?

Snooki reportedly told the Rutgers brain trust that came to see her, “Study hard, but party harder.” In case you don’t watch the show, here’s a photo of Snooki with her book.

You’re kidding! Somebody from “The Jersey Shore” has read a book?

Nah, she wrote one, as if she’s a real author like Mark Twain or Justin Bieber.

Yikes! Say, Blog Guy, isn’t this a conflict of interest for you? Don’t you write your blog for Rutgers?

No, I write for Reuters, and unlike Rutgers, Reuters doesn’t hand money to untalented, embarrassing, inarticulate clowns. I mean like, except, you know…

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Top: Reality TV star, Nicole ‘Snooki’ Polizzi, poses with her book in New York, January 10, 2011. REUTERS/Brendan McDermid

Right: Polizzi poses for photographers as she arrives for the MTV Europe Music Awards 2010 in Madrid, November 7, 2010. REUTERS/Susana Vera

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Too plastic for my liking. 😐

Posted by fwd079 | Report as abusive

BG: Does her book have a chapter recounting the terriying event she went through before the MTV Europe Music Awards? Where she got her dress caught in an escalator and had to be torn free? Plucky gal that she is, she went on with the show in that, um, dress…

Posted by Onedoor | Report as abusive

those are nice shoes….

Posted by Shra | Report as abusive

It’s a pity she got her dress caught in the shredder just before having to go out and face the media.
It must have been really embarassing.

Hey wait! Missed the big picture here.
Snooki can write more than a sentence or two?

Posted by Nosmo_King | Report as abusive

It’s really all so very very sad.

Posted by iflydaplanes | Report as abusive

Just read she once suffered an eating disorder, whilst at high school, at which point she weighed just 36kgs. Now if that ain’t zombie material I don’t know what is…Really sad stuff ifly.

On more fun stuff, the shredder/escalator comments are hilarious. Well spotted.

Posted by Malteser | Report as abusive

I’m gonna get zapped here, but I just read that this ‘book’ (only in the sense that it’s a bound, processed tree carcass containing words in a row) was actually written as a collaboration with Valerie Frankel (author of ‘The Accidental Virgin’ and others). So it’s pretty obvious that the collaboration consisted of Valerie supplying her talent and Snookie supplying her name. Whew! My faith in Snookie’s brainlessness is restored! The idea of Snookie with a brain is just too scary to contemplate.

Posted by AllThatJazz | Report as abusive

I especially like Snookie’s comment about Valerie writing “the good paragraphs and, like, the good sentences.”

Posted by AllThatJazz | Report as abusive

@AllThatJazz: “processed tree carcass”. PLEASE say I can use that sometime.

Posted by ladylala | Report as abusive

Snooki…. Is she kin to a wookie? That rat’s nest of a skirt sure makes it look to be so.

“Bound, processed tree carcass.” Absolute winner.

Posted by Dave_not_dave | Report as abusive

@Lady – Be my guest, though to be honest I think I cribbed that one from somewhere else…

Posted by AllThatJazz | Report as abusive

She gets bonus points from me for having an outfit with pockets instead of a handbag.

I’m not familiar with Jersey Shore, is it another reason to be grateful I don’t have TV?

Posted by CrowGirl | Report as abusive

@AllThatJazz: I agree, let’s not lose faith in the brainlessness just yet.

Posted by PetPunkRock | Report as abusive

@CrowGirl, consider your life to be more fullfilling and enlightened for not being familiar with Da Joysee Sherr.

Posted by iflydaplanes | Report as abusive

@Ifly – I second that. Even just being in the same country where it screens, I can feel myself becoming, like, even more dumberer by the second.

Posted by Nosmo_King | Report as abusive

BG: A school by the shore sounds fishy.

Posted by Onedoor | Report as abusive

Quick, pass the doughnuts before we all get snookered into becoming dumberer (thanks for that one, Nosmo).

Crow: I don’t watch it, so I will go along with you – bonus points for a pocket. The pocket is also the best looking part of the dress.

Posted by Onedoor | Report as abusive

CG, in with ya, dont deal or like reality shows…
on the other hand, Nosmo and Jazz are just brilliant.. why couldnt Snooki hire you guys instead… oh, wait, that would have meant that she DID have brains…
Now, I dont know if she doesnt, but anyone who can wear that outfit, doesnt get my vote for Smartest Person…

Posted by Shra | Report as abusive

oh, and I see no one has commented on her hairstyle on the book cover… I assume thats ridiculously normal for Snooki? (Just WHAT kind of name is Snooki, anyways!!)

Posted by Shra | Report as abusive

That’s funny… Snooki asked me just yesterday what kind of name Shra is….

Posted by rcbasler | Report as abusive

Shra is a name that isnt Snooki-ish…

Posted by Shra | Report as abusive

Thanks for not zapping me, Shra! I know I was perilously close to attempted edumacation.

Posted by AllThatJazz | Report as abusive