Come over to my yard for a fling?

April 5, 2011


Man, I love it when true stuff is stranger than anything I could make up for my blog. I mean, it’s like having a day off.

So I’m looking at an e-mail from the Pottery Barn folks, and down below the duvet covers and patchwork quilts I see something called Safety Recall Information. It informs me the chain is recalling a hammock stand.

hammock recall 320This concerns me because of course I spend most of my days in a hammock, swaying back and forth in the sunshine and writing my blog.

It turns out, the wood used in the stand may break, “if left outdoors.”

I suppose that’s a relief for you who only use your hammocks in your living room, but for us yard people, it’s a disaster.

Anybody who has ever watched Looney Toons knows exactly what happens when one end of a tightly-stretched hammock snaps suddenly.

BUSH-PUTIN/The recall warning doesn’t say how many users already have been flung, or where they finally came down, but I can picture suburban dads hurtling to and fro like Navy Volkswagens.

Remaining as still as possible, I fumble with trembling fingers for the switch on my Pottery Barn floor lamp, to read more about the hammock stand recall, and…

Hey, wait a minute! This very lamp is being recalled, too, because it poses “a risk of electrical shock.”

I’m a dead man…

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Top: A man lying in a hammock reads the Bible while waiting for customers at his watermelon stall in the Managua market, June 3, 2008. REUTERS/Oswaldo Rivas

Left: Hammock stand recall notice

Right: Russian President Vladimir Putin and U.S. President George W. Bush walk past a hammock as they exit their summit meeting and head to a joint news availability at the Bush family home on Walker’s Point in Kennebunkport, Maine, July 2, 2007. REUTERS/Jim Bourg

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Read the word “fling” and immediately thought of the word “highland” and was then hoping for men in kilts.
Alas, it was not to be. It is really for the guys, “Just look at those melons!” Sigh.

Posted by Onedoor | Report as abusive

Were Putin and Bush really race walking to the hammock?

Posted by Onedoor | Report as abusive

How long before the mexicans ditch their trebuchets and start using these defective hammocks then? One man’s food…

Posted by Malteser | Report as abusive

Awww One, BG just doesnt care about us ladies who fantasise about Mr.Fab Abs in shorty short kilts eh?

Posted by Shra | Report as abusive

Er, I have to say that the Putin-Bush hammock is unfortunately positioned in that photograph. It looks like George is about to become Georgette.

But to the point – who would have thought that wood items, left outside, would deteriorate and eventually break? That’s pretty amazing stuff.

A haiku:

Come out for a fling
Dubya Bush might even sing
Melons, not so nice

Posted by Dave_not_dave | Report as abusive

Two things:

1. Seeing the man in the hammock, with all those melons, made me think of Angry Birds. :)

2. Can we get Kate Middleton in a hammock? Wait, I mean a PICTURE of Kate Middleton. Boy, it takes no time for your minds to race to the gutter, does it?

Posted by skeres | Report as abusive

Dave, I am lol and away to glory….
That comment would have me in splits, if I am not careful… 😛

Posted by Shra | Report as abusive

Still looks like a safer way to fly than a 737.

Posted by SamH | Report as abusive

@skeres, that’s to say our minds leave the gutter at some point. :p

@Dave, good observation. Do you think it is a valid conspiracy theory to say the pic was taken from that perpective on purpose? Putin is wearing a white shirt after all. Hmmmm…..

Posted by iflydaplanes | Report as abusive

Yay! Haiku Tuesday! Even better than Caturday!

Pottery Barn is
warning you: Its hammock puts
your a– in a sling

Posted by AllThatJazz | Report as abusive

One more:

Bush and Putin race
across the lawn, hoping to
be first on hammock

Posted by AllThatJazz | Report as abusive

@SamH, if you are uncomfortable flying in a 737 then how about giving BasAir a try! Take comfort in knowing all the holes in our planes are there on purpose. They are there for…umm.. the air conditioning. Yep, that’s what they are for. :) 10/05/11/flying-high-with-my-secret-care er/

Posted by iflydaplanes | Report as abusive

My hammock stand was metal, and it went all rusty and fell apart. I have nowhere to sleep in summer now. :(

Posted by CrowGirl | Report as abusive

You can still get a good deal on one from Pottery Barn, Crow….

Posted by rcbasler | Report as abusive

I read the recall notice first as “CHEAPSKATE HAMMOCK STAND” and my first thought was “Well, duh, of course it’s gonna break.”

Posted by Carne | Report as abusive

@Carne: So you’ve been to the Tidewater area, then?

Posted by AllThatJazz | Report as abusive

Just sitting here laughing at the comments!

Posted by Onedoor | Report as abusive

That’ll be one heck of a fling with all those huge melons.

They’re just lying there begging to be be grabbed!

Posted by SkimpyDog | Report as abusive

How much wood could a woodchuck chuck if he had this hammock?

Posted by Wheelz2 | Report as abusive

One can always relax over melons…

Posted by fwd079 | Report as abusive

Skeres, fwd is not going to happy with you…
One, with you on that one..:P Say, wanna sit on the bench and share my blueberry Xanax doughnuts?

Posted by Shra | Report as abusive

@Shra: No, let them say, at least he’s not being as sarcastic as some guy writing all these blogs about Kate. I am sure RB is not that bad…or is he? 😀

Posted by fwd079 | Report as abusive

Auntie Remus put up a hammock while we were camping last year, and did the Gordian knottage. One night, I saw a raccoon using it for a place to sit to go through our trash bag. Since then, I always do the trash detail, just as men have done since trash services were invented. Here is an example of not doing the primary duty of men! This is our primary duty! Men, do the dumping! Also, put up the hammock, so that they don’t have to be cut down when leaving! Women are pretty smart, in negatively reinforcing our not doing our tasks immediately!

Posted by uncarastus | Report as abusive

I don’t understand, Spin. Can’t the potential customer just call a Death Panel, like this person? 11/04/08/can-i-pull-the-plug-during-a-sh utdown/

Posted by rcbasler | Report as abusive

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