News, but not the serious kind
Stilettos making a comeback?
I just can’t make up stuff like this. I sure wish I could, but I can’t.
Maine lawmakers have approved legalizing switchblades for people with one arm.
Our story says this will keep one-armed people from having to open folding knives with their teeth in emergencies. Really.
Do we need this law? There are scarcely over a million people living in Maine. How many of them could be one-armed?
Lord help me, I’m tempted to say only a handful.
No offense to one-armed Mainers at all, but if they need to use a knife at home they can open the drawer and take one out, just like people with numerous arms would do, right?
So now we’ve reduced the pool of impacted parties to one-armed Maine residents who are away from home and having some kind of knife emergency.
I’m sorry, but I don’t know what a knife emergency is. Are we talking about a sudden, overwhelming urge to whittle?
Frankly, I worry that this new law could lead to “West Side Story” sort of rumbles between woodsy one-armed hoodlums outside the L.L. Bean headquarters up there.
Oops, sorry, I’m going to have to interrupt this train of thought for a moment. It turns out, some Radio Shacks in Idaho and Montana are offering free guns to first-time subscribers of satellite TV services….
Like I said, I just can’t make up stuff like this. I sure wish I could, but I can’t….
Photos: Covers of books about switchblade knives