Let the nightmares begin…

April 12, 2011


Blog Guy, we need some of your parenting advice. We’re having problems with our small daughter.

MEXICO/I’m sorry to hear that. What’s the trouble?

She’s way too normal. Totally well-adjusted, happy, never cries or has nightmares. What can we do?

Ouch. That’s a tough one, but my advice would be to take her to an international tattoo expo and let the whole freak show get all up in her face.

Then, that night, drop hints that some of those folks are probably hiding in her bedroom closet and plan to carry her away to their cave and eat her up.

Do you think that will work?

It sure worked for my parents. I haven’t hung any clothes up in my closet for years. Just ask my wife.

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Top: A child looks at Spanish-Venezuelan piercing and body modification artist Emilio Gonzalez during the “Expo Tatuaje” international tattoo expo in Monterrey, Mexico, April 3, 2011.

Right: Mexican tattoo artist Maria Jose Cristerna, known as ‘Mujer Vampiro’ (Vampire Woman), attends a photo opportunity during the expo.

REUTERS photos by Tomas Bravo

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Wow, I don’t think my vocabulary is large enough to comment on those photos, but it’s nice to finally have an excuse for not hanging clothes in my closet! Thanks BG!!! :-)

Posted by Jibberish | Report as abusive

How would they fit in the closet with all the skeletons though?

Posted by iflydaplanes | Report as abusive

Just wait till they turn 60, then all that piercing is going to haunt them 😀

Posted by fwd079 | Report as abusive

Truer words were never spoken, fwd, my friend…
Infact, I would really like to see what Miss Mujer Vampiro turns out to be…
Those horns are just…. wicked… and I dont mean that in the sense teenagers do..

Posted by Shra | Report as abusive

Perfect title, BG! The first thought that passed through my (doughnut numbed) mind was, “Beauty is in the eye of the beholder?”

Posted by justCAM | Report as abusive

The child’s probably thinking…”his mama doesn’t give him a bath often! his face is all smudged!”

2nd pic: what’s with the spike strip/barbed wire around her neck? No entry beyond that point, or something of the sort?

Posted by Malteser | Report as abusive

@Just – not this beholder. Nope. But can you share some of those donuts?

Posted by Dave_not_dave | Report as abusive

CAM, I am sooooo relieved she is NOT your sister… :)

Posted by Shra | Report as abusive

I always wanted to date someone that is always horny.

Posted by SmartAsk | Report as abusive

“Daddy, Daddy, that lady just fell face-first into your tackle box!”

Posted by Moonshine | Report as abusive

You know, I’m kinda glad I was never into that type of self-decoration.

Is Mujer Vampiro in line for queen of the whole underworld? 😉

Posted by skeres | Report as abusive

“But [the vampire subculture] has exploded in recent years with the best-selling ‘Twilight’ novels by Stephenie Meyer and movie franchise, along with a plethora of TV shows. The seductive vampire character Edward Cullen in the movie ‘Twilight’, played by Robert Pattinson, became a teen idol and made vampires cool.”

http://www.reuters.com/article/2011/01/2 4/us-vampires-idUSTRE70N3NU20110124

Sorry Ms. Vampire Woman, you don’t sparkle so you are not cool. No worries though, perhaps you and your horns could find a lovely career in Spain.

http://blogs.reuters.com/oddly-enough/20 10/04/13/on-the-horns-of-a-dilemma/

Posted by iflydaplanes | Report as abusive

Look, I know a lot of people don’t want to go through the body scanners or do the intrusive pat-down at the airport, and I think just maybe Ms Cristerna would get away with it.
But seriously, it’s a lot of effort to go to really.

You have to think that she’s not really a happy person with a sunny disposition.

Posted by Nosmo_King | Report as abusive

That which has been seen
cannot be unseen, yet I
would wish otherwise.

Please pass the eye bleach!

Posted by AllThatJazz | Report as abusive

I’ve never understood the “But what will your tattoo look like when you’re 80?” theory. I’ll be 80, why would I care?!

Posted by CrowGirl | Report as abusive

Aint talking about the tats, CG… I got one, and I kinda forget its even there, now!
As for piercings… apart from the 2 I have in my ears, NEVER going for anything else… nearly kicked the guy who did my piercings…

Posted by Shra | Report as abusive

@Shra: My sister has very tasteful tattoos … of shoes! 😉

Posted by justCAM | Report as abusive

@Crowgirl – I agree. At 80 I would be happy if I could remember why I got the tattoo in the first place.

Posted by Nosmo_King | Report as abusive

I’ll be the one getting a first tattoo at 81. By then, I should be able to persuade myself within a day or two that I got it when I was 18.

Posted by DoctorDoll | Report as abusive