The Clampetts are here, Your Majesty…

April 14, 2011

BRITAIN/

It turns out when Kate Middleton marries Britain’s Prince William in a couple of weeks, her family is going to stay someplace called the Goring Hotel while they are in London. It may be part of the Econo Lodge chain, but I could be wrong.

BRITAIN/These photos above and below show where William’s family lives, and on the right you can see the itty-bitty place where the Middletons will be.

According to some quick online research, Buckingham Palace has 52 bedrooms and 78 bathrooms. They can’t spare a couple of rooms for the future in-laws?

How do you suppose Queen Elizabeth even broke that kind of news to Kate’s folks?

* * * * * * * * * *

BRITAIN/Dear Commoners, allow me to say how happy I am that my grandson is marrying your charming daughter.

I do so look forward to meeting you! I shall call you “Mum and Dad Middleton,” and you may address me as “Your Majesty.”

Whilst you are in London for the wedding, you will be at a small hotel near my house. I believe a continental breakfast comes with the room. One hopes you will take the double-decker bus tour that goes past my residence, but please keep moving…

* * * * * * * * * *

BRITAIN-WEDDING/DARWEN

Which brings me to my main point, a message to my own beloved offspring.

Son, if you ever marry into royalty, when your mother and I come for the wedding we expect to drag our duffel bags right through the gates of the royal palace and enjoy nonstop room service and free wireless.

We may even take some towels when we leave. A place like Buckingham Palace, they expect us to do that…

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Top: The Massed Band leads the march up the Mall, followed by Britain’s Queen Elizabeth and Prince Philip, as they return to Buckingham Palace, June 12, 2010. REUTERS/Suzanne Plunkett

Right: A man walks past the Goring Hotel in London April 13, 2011. Kate Middleton’s family will stay at the hotel during her wedding to Britain’s Prince William, local media reported. REUTERS/Suzanne Plunkett

Left: Britain’s Queen Elizabeth receives the Ambassador of Austria, Emil Brix (R), as he presents his credentials at Buckingham Palace, June 8, 2010. REUTERS/Katie Collins/Pool

Right: Kate Middleton reacts to the crowd during a visit Witton Country Park in Darwen, northern England April 11, 2011. REUTERS/Alastair Grant/Pool

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41 comments

We welcome comments that advance the story through relevant opinion, anecdotes, links and data. If you see a comment that you believe is irrelevant or inappropriate, you can flag it to our editors by using the report abuse links. Views expressed in the comments do not represent those of Reuters. For more information on our comment policy, see http://blogs.reuters.com/fulldisclosure/2010/09/27/toward-a-more-thoughtful-conversation-on-stories/

Her Royal Majesty never refers to herself in the first person! She must be a fake! Oh no the Middletons have fallen victim to the lookalikes!

http://blogs.reuters.com/oddly-enough/20 11/04/02/earn-big-money-with-a-familiar- face/

Posted by iflydaplanes | Report as abusive

Fifty-two bedrooms – a different bed every week. ‘Cause sleeping in the same bed for more than a week is not royal at all!

Posted by Malteser | Report as abusive

I have never felt the need to go and see what Buckingham Palace looks like from the inside… is that wrong?

While I wish this couple much joy, I also hope that the media stops hounding them after they get married and done for life…

Spin, you inspire me. Here’s my haiku:

When the wedding day comes
i shall heave a sigh
of relief and say “Finally”!

Posted by Shra | Report as abusive

Queen Elizabeth is very selfish indeed. She just likes to cling to the throne and does not care about anyone else, even her own children. Had she had any sympathy, she would have abdicated long time ago in favor of her son Price Charles who it appears will die w/o ever being crowned. If Charles had become King in time it could have saved Princess Diana from driven into despair and saved her life. Letting Charles become the King would not have diminished Queen Elizabeth in any way except enhance her esteem. May God instill some mercy in her.

Posted by JuliCrawford | Report as abusive

Dear Shra,

Your Haiku is foo-
bar, for it is long. It has
eighteen syllables.

Posted by lceel | Report as abusive

Thanks Iceel… I am still trying to understand haiku…
As for JuliCrawford, umm… well, I see you are a fan of Goofy Prince Charlie!
Though you dont seem goofy enough to me..

Posted by Shra | Report as abusive

First, my thanks to BG for another picture of the lovely Kate Middleton. I’m calmer now. But, this week is the Grand Prix of China, which means more GRID GIRLS! We guys expect some fan service!

On a completely unrelated note, I thought of several of the posters here when I heard a story on NPR about Miami holding a haiku contest. It turns out it’s open to anyone, even posters on this blog! If you go to the NPR web site, there’s a link to the story (and the contest) on the front page today.

Which has inspired me:

Quirky photos shown;
bloggers write haiku verses
to impress readers.

Posted by skeres | Report as abusive

Shra, this Haiku got me started on Haikus:

Haiku defined thus
Five syllables in first line
Then seven, then five

Posted by idunno271828 | Report as abusive

Hey has Lamar being doing a sideline in booking accommodation? It sounds like the happy couple said that they didn’t want to stay in some boring hotel. So Lamar booked them into …

Posted by Nosmo_King | Report as abusive

Merciless Queen Liz,
JuliC says it’s your fault
Princess Di is dead.

Wedding bells pealing;
if you invite the Blog Guy,
hide the silver.

Posted by Moonshine | Report as abusive

“Richard, you know I love my family, but that’s no reason why I should have to acknowledge them in broad daylight!” — Hyacinth Bucket

Posted by DoctorDoll | Report as abusive

The EconoLodge–just right for the little people. I suppose Elizabeth and Philip, as parents of the groom, will hold the rehearsal dinner at a Wimpy’s, where guests can chow down on spicy beanburgers and chips.

Posted by slick9 | Report as abusive

sarcasm sarcasm sarcasm…and a good one this time, BG :-)

Posted by fwd079 | Report as abusive

69spinster

5 7 5 you say?
Syllables 575 – not
7, is more like 6

Posted by gordo365 | Report as abusive

Arguments about
proper scansion of haikus
do not advance blog

Commoner in-laws
we’ll leave a light on for you
at the small hotel

Posted by AllThatJazz | Report as abusive

Look, standards are slipping everywhere. These days, anything between fifteen and twenty syllables, divided up, all on one line or whatever, is considered adequate. If it fits in the comment box, it’s haiku.

Posted by rcbasler | Report as abusive

gordo365:
Syllables has three
5-7-5 has four
Together they make seven

Posted by casteve | Report as abusive

Kate to marry prince
Folks not welcome at palace
Thank God for Priceline

Posted by casteve | Report as abusive

Fifty-two bedrooms
That seems like more than enough
Must cost lots to heat

Posted by casteve | Report as abusive

You grieve me deeply, Mr B. While the rest of the world goes slippy-slidey, I turn to this blog for traditional values. Now you’re prepared to go all loosey-goosey on the haiku. Have you not read Gibbon’s “Rise and Fall”? Small erosions unman great nations.
I plead with you in this simple rhyme:

Not any old blurt’s a haiku!
An orderly method is due.
There must be a plan,
A syllable scan,
Not just a burp or achoo.

Posted by ladylala | Report as abusive

It seems that as far
as royal lodgings go, folks
pass the Buck-ingham

@Spin:
A rhyming haiku?
Oh my God, we really are
going all rogue now!

Posted by AllThatJazz | Report as abusive

Hey, I just remembered that old star trek guy, William Shatner. Bet he could put Kate’s folks onto some good hotel deals.

Posted by ladylala | Report as abusive

Beam me up, Scotty
commoners can’t stay with the
Queen on this planet

Thanks for the inspiration, Lady. And for the limerick.

Posted by AllThatJazz | Report as abusive

Do ex matadors stay at the Goring hotel, or is their advertising really just a bunch of bull?

Golidlocks would have had a great time in the castle! I wohder if she would have found 52 bowls of porridge.

Posted by Onedoor | Report as abusive

Hey! You don’t suppose Goring slipped out of the WWII wax museum and opened a hotel, do you?

http://blogs.reuters.com/oddly-enough/20 11/04/13/the-worst-wax-job-in-the-world/

Posted by Onedoor | Report as abusive

Come and listen to a story about a gal named Kate
The end of the month is the end of her wait
Her Pa could have a future with Basler Air
Ma could to…she’s flight crew extraordinaire!

Basler Air, that is…suspension of disbelief required.

Well, as the story goes the Royals sent them to a hotel
Not even a Wine-a-bago ride offered by the Goofy Prince of Wales
They said, “Buckingham Palace is no place for common folk”
And send ‘em off to Goring like an everyday bloke.

Well…a 5 star bloke anyway.

It’s time for Kate and Wills to start their own family
They would like to thank you all for a little privacy.
Maybe Gran will ask them to her place at a future date…
Or at least give a royal wave as the tour bus rolls past the gate.

Middletons that is…still not royal.

Y’all don’t come back without calling first, y’hear?

Posted by GeorgiaPeach | Report as abusive

Brilliant, Georgia. In fact, brilliant, everybody. What a great bunch of comments, and nobody learned anything. Not really.

Posted by rcbasler | Report as abusive

So many haiku!
I must count the syllables.
My brain, it now hurts.

Posted by Wyvie | Report as abusive

Oh, our dear dear Kate
You will do just fine at State
With Will, your fears abate!

Posted by Shra | Report as abusive

Haiku becomes prose
in OE Blog comment box:
tennis without net.

Posted by DoctorDoll | Report as abusive

A few marital bad ideas:

10. arguing with your spouse on a point of principle.

9.

Posted by DoctorDoll | Report as abusive

A few marital no-nos:

10. arguing with your spouse on a point of principle.

9. saying “I told you so.”

8. expecting your spouse to do all the household chores.

7. marrying for sex or money.

6. taking your spouse for granted.

5. getting drunk at the wedding reception.

4. contacting old flames.

3. calling your spouse a fat cow/pig on the honeymoon.

2. having an affair.

1. marrying to become a seoond-class spouse.

Posted by DoctorDoll | Report as abusive

Yeeeee haaww hats off to GeorgiaPeach! :D

@Doc, a comedian, Gregg Proops, actually had a very insightful look into marriage also. He said “Getting married for the sex is like buying a 747 for the peanuts.”

Posted by iflydaplanes | Report as abusive

I don’t see that happening, Spin. The sad thing is the number of times I have heard about No. 3.

Without mutual respect, there is no marriage.

Posted by DoctorDoll | Report as abusive

#8 in this case would involve ordering the staff to take care of taking out the garbage, cleaning the bathrooms, and making pancakes for Kate. Unless he’s into that sort of thing. Who knows? Couldn’t you just see ol’ Billy Boy scurrying around all domestic while Kate kicks back with the paper and a stogie?

Posted by AllThatJazz | Report as abusive

Join the OE Blog Network – Commoners Welcome!!!

Posted by GeorgiaPeach | Report as abusive

Looking for a place with no class? Join the OE Blog Network!

Posted by GeorgiaPeach | Report as abusive

Well, they wouldnt be staying in London after they get married, so, I think it is quite possible that William will do point#3… and I sure hope NOT to see any pics of that… coz that would be just wrong…
Coz that would mean that the couple has no privacy!!

Posted by Shra | Report as abusive

maybe it’s just the name. Middleton sounds so…well, middle class.

Don’t be a royal pain…join the OE Blog Network!!!

Posted by GeorgiaPeach | Report as abusive

Thanks, Georgia. Well, the Middletons can learn everything they need to know about how to behave at a wedding from this posting:

http://blogs.reuters.com/oddly-enough/20 11/04/19/and-dont-pick-your-nose-at-the- wedding/

Posted by rcbasler | Report as abusive

Oh, sorry, counted it wrong, I meant, 3rd from the top, that is #8… of course he wont call her a fat cow…

Posted by Shra | Report as abusive