Oddly Enough Blog
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Five tips that could save your marriage
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Maybe you saw that actor Nicolas Cage was arrested in New Orleans after an argument with his wife. He was booked on suspicion of domestic abuse battery, disturbing the peace and public drunkenness.
What intrigued me was that the police said Cage and his wife were standing in front of a home and arguing about whether it was where they lived.
Well, I can get behind that in a big way. If there’s one thing my wife and I always argue about, it’s which house is ours.
Honey, this is our place! No, our house is on another street! Hold on, it’s that green one! Wait, this isn’t even our city!
Because I’ve been through this so often, I’ve devised some helpful tricks. They’ve saved my marriage, and maybe they’ll work for other guys:
- Look in your pocket. If you have a key to the front door, it’s probably your house.
- Check the address on your diver’s license to see if the numbers match the ones on the door.
- Use your cell phone to dial your home number, then listen carefully for a ring inside the house.
- Go to nearby homes and ask the neighbors if you look familiar.
- Stumble back to the bar. Another drink could help jog your memory.
By using these simple tricks, you and your wife will be back at home in no time. I mean, assuming she’s really your wife.
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Top: Actor Nicolas Cage in a booking photograph released on April 16, 2011. REUTERS/Orleans Parish County Sheriff’s Office/Handout
Right: Cage and his wife, Alice Kim, stand trackside shortly after the end of the Australian Grand Prix at Melbourne’s Albert Park circuit March 6, 2005. REUTERS/David Callow
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BG: I wonder if they would consider staying home to drink and finding something else to argue about. If that were to happen, you could become a male advice columnist! I just know guys would be so grateful for your advice…
Does Nicolas Cage live in a cage? Or should he?
Doughnuts.
Very helpful… but, did you just teach, Mr.B?
@Shra: BG and teaching? Naah…that’s your job
No Shra, I advised. There’s a world of difference…
Thanks for the tips, BG! I’ll print them out and take them with me to the bar later. :-O
I’ll take seconds on the doughnuts, Onedoor.
See…this is why I took special precautions at my house. My husband wears a special electronic collar that activates the door on our house. That way, he can always be sure to get in and out with no problem. As an added bonus, we’re able to keep strays out….
Spin, technically, the Palace wont be their home..
JustK, well, that is just too darn brilliant!
“Mr. Cage? Mr. Cage, wake up please. It’s your mug shot. Look here… Dammit, you closed your eyes again! Lamar, can you paint some eyes on this guy’s eyelids so we can get something that looks like him? Okay, now this time, can you get us a big smile, just like Tom Delay?”
Another tip I can think of is to throw something through the house’s windows – if no one comes out to complain, then it’s probably yours. Or it’s just empty at that time… But hey, you’d be narrowing down the search! The open window can also facilitate with the third tip, allowing you to better listen out for a ringing phone! See! There’s hope!
Isn’t it time for the annual Nicolas-Cage-is-dead story to start circulating the Internet?
I heard he got killed when he used the ejector seat in the Basler Air helicopter, which the Police were using to transfer him to a more secure facility.
Oh, didnt know he was aboard the ConAir again…
Now hang on, wasn’t it a house they were renting? We’ve all gotten drunk and confused about temporary accommodation, surely?
That’s his wife? Damn Nic Cage, you may not know how to act but you sure as hell know how to pick a hottie!
You find rental property confusing, Crow?
Not if I’ve lived there a while.
I got the impression from what I read that they’d just rented it for a holiday, which I think makes it excusable. The confusion that is, not the wife beating.
No Spin, I hinted. There’s a world of difference…
Jclimacus – that’s fantastic.