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And don’t pick your nose at the wedding!
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Good news. We have another one of those etiquette columns that appear to be aimed at folks who were raised by Goths. And not even by especially smart Goths, judging from the level of the advice.
Using the upcoming wedding of Prince William and Kate Middleton as a sly way into the subject, we tell readers what they need to know if they are invited to a wedding. It’s pretty complicated.
First, there’s the invitation. “If you may bring a guest, your invitation will read “Mr. John Phelps and Guest,” our item advises.
I suppose this helps guys named John Phelps, and also for their lucky guests, but it kind of leaves the rest of us out in the cold.
The column says we should RSVP immediately, and it actually goes on to tell us what RSVP means. I’m not sure it’s wise to give that level of sophistication to the lower classes, who may abuse it later.
“Hey Fred, I’m inviting those Phelps jerks over for a weenie roast! How do you spell RSVP?”
Get this. It turns out, if they send you a wedding invitation you have to buy a gift. It’s like being served with legal papers. You’re tagged. No way out of it.
How much do you have to spend? According to our etiquette column, that varies.
“What you spend on your sister will likely differ from what you spend on a gift for a colleague or old college roommate,” it tells us. No s**t, Sherlock?
I know your head is spinning by now, but there’s even more. At the event, “be on your BEST behavior,” and “say hello and thank you to the hosts.”
And according to our expert, you should “arrive early.”
So I’m talking to YOU, Mr. John Phelps. If you’re going to that royal wedding, you should already be on your way. What the hell are you waiting for, an engraved invitation?
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Top: Lookalikes of Kate Middleton, Britain’s Queen Elizabeth and Prince William arrive in a carriage for a book signing event at a bookshop in central London, April 1, 2011. REUTERS/Stefan Wermuth
Left: An invitation card for the wedding of Prince William and Kate Middleton is seen at Buckingham Palace in London February 16, 2011. REUTERS/John Stillwell/POOL
Right: Kate Middleton, holds an umbrella during a visit to the Darwen Aldridge Community Academy, in Darwen, northern England, April 11, 2011. REUTERS/Phil Noble
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@EVERYONE: “Told ya”
Fwd, sorry to bust ya bubble mate, but indulge me..
Told us what?
@fwd…so who is gonna be your guest?
Whoa, whoa, whoa!!
I strongly disagree with this statement:
“Get this. It turns out, if they send you a wedding invitation you have to buy a gift. It’s like being served with legal papers. You’re tagged. No way out of it.
“How much do you have to spend? According to our etiquette column, that varies.”
Now, that may be the case in jolly old England, but here in the States, we have a different view. No less an authority than Miss Manners describes the American sensibility of giving gifts at weddings:
“Those putting on a wedding should plan to do so within the limits of what they can afford, and their guests should keep their own means in mind when selecting presents — not admission payments — to give them.”
Yes, the invitation is NOT a solicitation of a gift.
So, if you’ve been invited to the Royal Wedding, a gift is not, I repeat, IS NOT mandatory.
Incidentally, Miss Manners does believe that there is one event at which a gift is perfunctory: a birthday party.
Now, I will get down from my soap box, and get back to the important business at hand: looking at Kate Middleton. Only ten days until the wedding!
There’s an old joke among Yiddish speakers that RSVP stands for “Remember Send Vedding Present.”
Me? I’ve always modeled my wedding etiquette on Benjamin at the end of “The Graduate.”
@Shra: No bubbles were burst
I wrote here even Kate n’ Will wont be in public, BG will *still* find something, and he did. 
@Ifly: Ah but I am not going.
Just wanted to see yet another glimpse of Kate…
Real, silver, Viking pliers is my guess!
And, seriously, what do you get as a gift for a newly married ROYAL couple that they don’t already have, or can’t afford with their weekly allowance? Now that I’ve seen “The King’s Speech” I feel myself to be an expert on the royal family!
Thanks, Spin and Doc. Any other suggestions for what RSVP means?
RSVP – Royalty Serve Vodka a-Plenty
Basically is fancy talk for an open bar.
Make sure you wear your drinkin’ shoes when coming to this shindig.
And you don’t need to bring a whittlin’ knife, as they have those real nice ones at the tables.
Mrs. Doc and I had a very nice, small church wedding between semesters. I invited my favorite professors. One, my all-time favorite professor, gave us a card, no gift. I remember that only because I was so thankful that she came to the wedding and that I didn’t care whether she gave us a “gift.” Her gift to us was her presence and her well wishes.
And we sent her a heartfelt thank you note.
My German and Russian professor, Hermann, came to our wedding, too. He gave us some walnut candlesticks, which I cherish. That dear man will always have a place in my heart.
He fought as a German Landser on the Eastern Front in WWII. He was a very accomplished painter, and he painted all 88 courthouses in Ohio. The 88 paintings hang in the college library. (We went to a small liberal arts college.) Our German classes were held in a classroom with an entire wall a mural of a German landscape he painted.
Hermann also taught Masterpieces in World Literature and Existentialism in World Literature. But some of my favorite memories as an undergrad were the German Club’s Christmas parties at Hermann’s house.
Was Kate up there for the Darwen awards? I never realized that there was an academy for that. I can just see the stats for a place like that: Annual admissions: 10,247. Annual graduates: 2. The only academy in the world where if you graduate, you fail.
Blog Guy is asking:
“What does RSVP mean?”
Give him a response.
Really Strange Village People
Referring to the entertainment, of course!
Royalty Selects Viagra Performance?
It is a great word, jclimacus, why don’t you tell our studio audience what it means?
I was in a poltroon in the military. No, that was a “platoon.” Well, it was a poltroon platoon.
So if the invitation is to Mr. Phelps, will it self-destruct in 10 seconds?
And why did he never decide to not take the mission, and say ‘You know the game is on this weekend, and the boys are coming over, so I think I’ll pass on this one’.
Rough Scruffy Vicious People. I do live in East Tennessee when I’m not hanging out in my cave.
Hmmm, maybe, when considering certain Bloggers: Raconteur, or Silly Vapid Poet. Of course, NOT referring to THIS blog…
Can someone pass the medi-donuts? I’m out.
Nosmo, that was JAMES Phelps, and this is John. James can only go if John takes him as a guest.
RSVP is a Yorkshire expression, used whenever a celebratory event is happening at which many flowers may be present; Reet, send vase pronto.
@rb: nice try, baiting newcomers to explain to us what RSVP means — with shra lurking around. too bad it didn’t work.
RSVP – Royal Spouse Vows Posted
maybe it’s Regular Society Vehemently Prohibited
and this is a grand opportunity for a new blog tag line:
No invitation to the royal wedding? Don’t fret! You are cordially invited to join the OE Blog Network!
I was so sure that fwd079 would have tossed out Really Sweet Very Pretty. For the bride.
Meanwhile, I’ll toss out Really Sexy Victoria’s (Secret) Peignoir. For the honeymoon.
Doughnuts for dessert?
please, Onedoor. This is a classy event. It’s beignets!
Risking Shra’s Vrath, People…
I think that does very nicely… in so many ways!
Vrath? Vigorous Reminder Against Teaching Here?
Umm… that would make it RPVP, Spin.. not sure thats what we are after…
Mr.Pilot, good one!! LOL!
Spin – Maybe “Responding Swiftly is Very Polite”
Really Strange Verdant Planet?
Really Strange Verdant Planet?
Really Screw Valerie Plame?
Repondez s’il vous plait. Reply or respond if you please.
Don’t blame Hansard. His/her computer obviously had an ID 10 T error.
Hansard is OBVIOUSLY new… so, I will be the fair soul I am.. and let him/her go this time with a severe reprimand (i like that word)…
NO Teaching… NO learning… on the OE Blog…
Royal Service for Virgin Princess?
A Royal Wedding is not complete without a Royal Rumpus Room (aka “pre-honeymoon suite”) at the reception site, complete with wet bar and bartender wearing tux, lots of sofas covered with throw cushions, low lighting… a cozy retreat for couples who meet at the reception.
I wonder if Vince Vaughn and Owen Wilson will try to sneak in…
Something is terribly wrong, I haven’t received my invitation.
no worries, Sinbad. I’m sure BG has room in the Wine-A-Bago for one more.
Too many rules. I’ll sit this one out and wait for the sequel.