And don’t pick your nose at the wedding!
Using the upcoming wedding of Prince William and Kate Middleton as a sly way into the subject, we tell readers what they need to know if they are invited to a wedding. It’s pretty complicated.
First, there’s the invitation. “If you may bring a guest, your invitation will read “Mr. John Phelps and Guest,” our item advises.
I suppose this helps guys named John Phelps, and also for their lucky guests, but it kind of leaves the rest of us out in the cold.
The column says we should RSVP immediately, and it actually goes on to tell us what RSVP means. I’m not sure it’s wise to give that level of sophistication to the lower classes, who may abuse it later.
“Hey Fred, I’m inviting those Phelps jerks over for a weenie roast! How do you spell RSVP?”
Get this. It turns out, if they send you a wedding invitation you have to buy a gift. It’s like being served with legal papers. You’re tagged. No way out of it.
How much do you have to spend? According to our etiquette column, that varies.
“What you spend on your sister will likely differ from what you spend on a gift for a colleague or old college roommate,” it tells us. No s**t, Sherlock?
I know your head is spinning by now, but there’s even more. At the event, “be on your BEST behavior,” and “say hello and thank you to the hosts.”
And according to our expert, you should “arrive early.”
So I’m talking to YOU, Mr. John Phelps. If you’re going to that royal wedding, you should already be on your way. What the hell are you waiting for, an engraved invitation?
Top: Lookalikes of Kate Middleton, Britain’s Queen Elizabeth and Prince William arrive in a carriage for a book signing event at a bookshop in central London, April 1, 2011. REUTERS/Stefan Wermuth
Left: An invitation card for the wedding of Prince William and Kate Middleton is seen at Buckingham Palace in London February 16, 2011. REUTERS/John Stillwell/POOL
Right: Kate Middleton, holds an umbrella during a visit to the Darwen Aldridge Community Academy, in Darwen, northern England, April 11, 2011. REUTERS/Phil Noble