Unstabled threat at royal wedding?

April 20, 2011


So Blog Guy, I don’t understand why you’re devoting so much time to that wedding with Kate Middleton and that guy she’s marrying. It doesn’t seem like your kind of thing.

BRITAIN/It wasn’t, but now it is. Let’s just say maybe I think it’s going to be more eventful than some folks expect.

Okay Blog Guy, you can’t stop there. If you have information, share it. It’s not like anybody else is going to read it here.

Well, keep it to yourself. As you probably know, the Household Cavalry is going to escort the royals on their wedding day, so just for fun I enlarged portions of this red sign at their barracks.

household cavalry crop 340

Judging from this warning, these steeds are as nutty as Charlie Sheen. Between the mounted cavalry and the horse-drawn carriages, we could see a kicking, biting, romping-stomping royal rodeo melee. Let’s just say I hope somebody knows who is 240th in line for the throne.

BRITAIN/Yikes! What about those other warnings on that sign? Anything else we should watch out for?

No, not unless the horses see some Belgians in the crowd.

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Top: A member of the British Army’s Household Cavalry Mounted Regiment waits on horseback during a media event at the Hyde Park Barracks in London April 15, 2011. REUTERS/Stefan Wermuth

Left: Members of the Household Cavalry take part in a dress rehearsal for the Major General’s review, in Hyde Park in London April 14, 2011. The event involved displays of ceremonial maneuvers, including those to be used for the royal wedding. REUTERS/Stefan Wermuth

Right: Carriage restorer Dave Evans cleans the Glass Coach at the Royal Mews in London March 21, 2011. REUTERS/Dominic Lipinski/Pool

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‘Maintain a safe distance’. Yes, Belgium would probably be far enough away to count as being a safe distance.

Also, do they have any warnings that relate specifically to the back-end of the horse? All kinds of unsafe and unpredictable things go on back there.

Posted by Nosmo_King | Report as abusive

so that’s why the commoners are always behind the barricades. Specially trained attack horses with a taste for middle class meat.

I just hope those carnivorous horses know the difference between middle class and Middleton. Oh, that’s right…there isn’t any difference.

Posted by GeorgiaPeach | Report as abusive

Yeah, I dont think the horses would like naked people…
or even mooners…
I can imagine Horsey biting Mr.Mooner right in the … umm… ok, thats not a good image to go with my lunch…

Posted by Shra | Report as abusive

As it turns out my roots do trace back to England and last I checked I think that I am 145,657,343,975,875,561,212 in line for the throne. If anything drastic should occur via raging cavalry there would be no need to worry, your friendly neighboUrhood Mr. Pilot will be there! 😀

Posted by iflydaplanes | Report as abusive

I’d go with my mum’s carriage if I was William…

Posted by fwd079 | Report as abusive

So, if you are a royal, are you allowed to take one of the royal carriages out for a spin whenever you want?
Do you have to ask the Queen for the keys, or does Phil have those stashed away someplace?
Does each royal get their own carriage, or do they have to share?
If they each have their own carriage, are they allowed to customise them? Think of it – pimp my ride, royal carriage edition.

Posted by Nosmo_King | Report as abusive

BG: That portion of the red sign would make a great bumper sticker strategically placed on a horse’s rump. It even matches the army uniforms. You just wouldn’t want to get close enough to read it. That would give a whole new meaning to “tail” gating.

Posted by Onedoor | Report as abusive

Hey, the young Amish men detail their carriages a bit. A touch of color against the basic black. I don’t think they would want to refer to it as pimping their ride, though.

Posted by Onedoor | Report as abusive

An incredible instant classic, JC. Thank you.

But who is this Tennyson guy, and where is this bar where he used to drink? I’d like to try it.

Posted by rbasler | Report as abusive


Posted by Shra | Report as abusive

awesome, JC!!!!

I hope the horses get blinders before they head off to Belgium.

Eugene’s taking over? Well, I guess that’s as good a surprise as any for the Queen’s 85th birthday.

I’m sure the Queen reads this blog…so HAPPY BIRTHDAY, YOUR MAJESTY!

Posted by GeorgiaPeach | Report as abusive

I guess we all know what Eugene will wear for a crown.

Posted by rbasler | Report as abusive

@jclimacus, so there indeed! 😀

Posted by iflydaplanes | Report as abusive

Thanks JC, I’ll have to google him.
I liked Spins haiku, also, but it doesn’t have the right number of syllables in the last line if you say “pome,” the way we did when I was growing up in Indiana…

Posted by rbasler | Report as abusive

I’m liking the classy parodies.

Also, mmm, tasty Belgian horse fat fries…

Posted by CrowGirl | Report as abusive