Getting down with ducks?

April 22, 2011


Citizens, you all know why we’re here. We need to do something about these killer ducks that have been preying on humans. Look, here’s a grisly photo of their latest victim.

I believe Sheriff Lamar has been searching for these vicious killers. Lamar?

china ducks crop 260That’s right, Mayor. I’ve been tracking the killer ducks on wet ground.

Where did you find out what duck feet look like?

On the Web.

Lamar, this is serious! How are the ducks choosing which citizens to attack?

Well Mayor, I guess they have a pecking order.

That’s enough, Lamar! We need to trick them with something.

Like a huge wooden human decoy, Mayor?

Lamar, we’re going to use the town’s Emergency Loudspeaker Broadcasting System. You’ll be up in the tower, and when you see them coming you’re going to warn everybody. Our lives depend on this. We need a one-word signal. What will you shout if it’s time for us to run away as fast as we can?

Um, how about DUCK!!!!!!!!!

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A worker takes a nap surrounded by ducklings at a duck farm on the outskirts of Jiaxing, Zhejiang province April 5, 2011. REUTERS/Stringer

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There is only one man that can fight the quack attack from those mighty ducks. Call in…. Emilio Estevez!

Posted by iflydaplanes | Report as abusive

So, if you have to Signal multiple times, like 3 times for instance, would you yell, “goose” on the third attempt.

Posted by Jibberish | Report as abusive

A Mallard and Mrs. Mallard have taken up residence in my ponds. I need Lamar to come over. The bodies are piling up.

Posted by DoctorDoll | Report as abusive

I dunno, I think Lamar is a real quack when it comes to keepin’ the peace. And if he was elected as sheriff, I have to cry fowl.

Posted by Dave_not_dave | Report as abusive

A haiku:

No ugly ducklings
Just a sleeping duck keeper
Peking duck tonight

Posted by Dave_not_dave | Report as abusive

“Gulliver’s Travels” takes a whole new twist.

Posted by iflydaplanes | Report as abusive

You haven’t met Lamar, have you, JC? Think more along the lines of Barney Fife with a single bullet in his pocket.

Posted by rcbasler | Report as abusive

Doc, are you sure that isn’t Frankie in disguise? ng-dog-masks/

Posted by CrowGirl | Report as abusive

It appears that counting ducks works as well as counting sheep in an effort to get some sleep. Looks like the duckling in the lower right hand corner of the photo is trying to get quick look at things. A regular peeking duck. Yeah, I’m a quack…

Posted by Onedoor | Report as abusive

RB: Yep, and that single bullet is real shiny…”That’s real good bullet maintenance, Barn.”

Posted by Moonshine | Report as abusive

CG, I love the ducks with the dog masks!!!

Posted by GeorgiaPeach | Report as abusive

Spin, are you suggesting that Frankie and Frankie II are actually ducks in disguise? I’ll have to ask my brother Bob. He always ses things as they are. Last week, I stopped at my Mom’s place with the boys. As we got out of the truck, Bob shouted from the barn: “Hey! Those are almost big enough to butcher!”

Posted by DoctorDoll | Report as abusive

Watching Monty Python and The Holy Grail, I’m reminded that those ducks can be useful in telling if someone is really a witch. 😉

Posted by GeorgiaPeach | Report as abusive

OK, pop quiz, class. What was the name of Barney Fife’s town? the sheriff’s kid? the aunt? the barber?

Posted by ladylala | Report as abusive

Jeez Lala, that’s not even enough of a quiz to get us zapped for having the right answers, which are Mayberry, Opie, Bea and Floyd.

More challenging would be like name the hillbilly weasel who would show up now and then to wreak havoc in Mayberry, or perhaps the extremely famous actor who showed up in the show at the very start of his career.

Posted by rcbasler | Report as abusive

Ernest T. Bass (that actor played MANY roles on the show) and Jack Nicholson 😀

BG, I like your style. You have an appreciation of Golden Retrievers, MST3K, The Wire, and The Andy Griffith Show. A true renaissance man in my book!

Posted by GeorgiaPeach | Report as abusive

Correct on both counts, Georgia, and I like the way you think, too. I sort of look at my blog as a very modest version of MST3K. But you know, with fewer moving pictures.

Posted by rcbasler | Report as abusive

Ok, Mr B, you aced the Mayberry quiz but next time, instead of showing off in front of the class by blurting out the answers, how about giving some of the slower children a chance? Like that boy at the back that’s getting far too big for his desk.

Posted by ladylala | Report as abusive

MST3K is one of the greatest shows of all time! 😀

Posted by iflydaplanes | Report as abusive

I’ll agree with that.

Posted by rcbasler | Report as abusive

I don’t doubt it, Spin. My son and I saw the MST3K movie on opening day in DC, it was geek central indeed. We were the only normal people in the audience… 09/05/05/well-send-him-cheesy-movies-the -worst-we-can-find-la-la-la/

Posted by rcbasler | Report as abusive

And don’t forget Lamar, who may be the secret of the universe, like the number 42.

Posted by rcbasler | Report as abusive

You lost me wayyy back in the blog.. but I trudged along, just to see if any of you make any sense later on..
I am still in the dark..
Anyone got a torch?

Posted by Shra | Report as abusive