News, but not the serious kind
Getting down with ducks?
Citizens, you all know why we’re here. We need to do something about these killer ducks that have been preying on humans. Look, here’s a grisly photo of their latest victim.
I believe Sheriff Lamar has been searching for these vicious killers. Lamar?
That’s right, Mayor. I’ve been tracking the killer ducks on wet ground.
Where did you find out what duck feet look like?
On the Web.
Lamar, this is serious! How are the ducks choosing which citizens to attack?
Well Mayor, I guess they have a pecking order.
That’s enough, Lamar! We need to trick them with something.
Like a huge wooden human decoy, Mayor?
Lamar, we’re going to use the town’s Emergency Loudspeaker Broadcasting System. You’ll be up in the tower, and when you see them coming you’re going to warn everybody. Our lives depend on this. We need a one-word signal. What will you shout if it’s time for us to run away as fast as we can?
Um, how about DUCK!!!!!!!!!
A worker takes a nap surrounded by ducklings at a duck farm on the outskirts of Jiaxing, Zhejiang province April 5, 2011. REUTERS/Stringer