I’m just putting on my eye makeup, honey!

April 25, 2011


Lamar, our fashion show is about to start. Did you find us a fresh supply of affordable runway models?

I did indeed, Boss, and they’re pretty nice, if you don’t mind having human genetic mutations show our haute couture to the world.

Human genetic mutations? Ewwwww, Lamar! What’s wrong with them? How bad is it?

Are you familiar with the cruel expression “four eyes,” Boss?

Whew. That’s a relief. Yes, Lamar, and I don’t mind having models who wear glasses.

Well Boss, what if people call ’em “four eyes” and they don’t actually wear glasses?

What have you done, Lamar? These models ARE at least human, right? I mean flesh and blood?

Sure. Flesh, blood and some wooden rods coming out of their skulls.

Is that right? Then you may have something in common with them, Lamar. Bring me that pencil!


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Models present creations by Kazakhstan’s design house Mechanical Piano during Kazakhstan Fashion Week in Almaty, April 21, 2011. REUTERS/Shamil Zhumatov


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For men who fantasize that the woman is, uh, inflatable.

Posted by DoctorDoll | Report as abusive

Hey they are like those prizes you can win at a carnival except with a creepy factor somewhere in the realm of “Oh for the love of Gawd kill it! Kill it with fire!”

Posted by iflydaplanes | Report as abusive

I’m sure Lamar found it hard to keep eye contact with these models. He just couldn’t keep up!

Posted by Malteser | Report as abusive

I can think of at least one reason these models have four eyes: Third Eye Blind.

Maybe they just want to see twice as much as Kate Middleton. 😉

We always told our kids that when men become parents, they grow eyes in the back of their head. Are any of these models pregnant? If so, are they trans-gender?

Posted by skeres | Report as abusive

This looks like some of DC Fashion Weeks finest. I would have loved the inspiration speech to the models before runway time. “You have 4 eyes. You are sad. Your hair is a circus balloon from the 1800’s. Feel the emotion of a 6ft 4 93 lb child. Now Go!”

Posted by hmcfabulous | Report as abusive

They not only heard, but love the zombie idea now LOL 😀

Posted by fwd079 | Report as abusive

Models with four eyes:
Whatever takes attention
off of the fashions.

Posted by AllThatJazz | Report as abusive

What do these genetic aberrations do when their eyes go bad? Perhaps a haiku will help:

Mutant zombies with
four eyes will have a hard time
finding bifocals.

Posted by AllThatJazz | Report as abusive

Yikes….Double vision……….

Posted by onequartlow | Report as abusive

They look so sad, so somber. Maybe they are dowel-gers. Snort!

If I had a dowel like that stuck in my hair, I could lead myself astray.

Posted by Onedoor | Report as abusive

See now, when I first saw the pictures, I thought those were little sardines under their eyes, and that the prong-thingy was a tiny fishing rod. Not that it made any more sense.

Posted by ladylala | Report as abusive

This gives a whole new definition to “seeing double”..

Posted by Shra | Report as abusive

Hey Dave, if they only had one more eye they could be part of five-eyes.

– Insider joke –

Posted by Nosmo_King | Report as abusive

Thanks Nosmo. Naturally I’m really happy to see insider jokes in a blog read by hundreds of millions of people.

Posted by rcbasler | Report as abusive

I can’t decide whether they’re so weak from lack of food that they need the stick to hold their heads upright, or whether they’ve got extra eyes in case they accidentally poke one pair out when they miss their hair…

Posted by CrowGirl | Report as abusive

Yeah right. I am sure the insider joke is a big secret…

Posted by Onedoor | Report as abusive

[…] what’s wrong with this batch, Lamar? Are they zombies, genetic mutations, snake handlers, extremely […]

Posted by Fashion models, name your poison… | Oddly Enough Blog | Report as abusive