Karaoke, or torture? There’s a difference?

April 26, 2011

Hey Blog Guy, I haven’t seen you around the neighborhood for days. Are you okay?

Yes, thanks for checking. I don’t go out during National Karaoke Week, which is going on now.

If you don’t like karaoke, why not just avoid places where they have it? Like bars, lounges and the ninth circle of hell?

That’s not enough. During National Karaoke Week there are horrific stories of innocent, decent folks being dragged off the street and forced into Karaoke places.

Wow! I didn’t know that. Are there any precautions that we, as average citizens, can take to protect ourselves?

Well, I personally have had the songs “Country Roads” and “Feelings” surgically removed from my memory. It was expensive, but worth it. I also clamp a couple of heavy-duty binder clips onto my lips after one alcoholic beverage.

Thanks, Blog Guy, those are valuable tips for all of us. Can you imagine anything worse than having to sing karaoke?

Yes, having to LISTEN to people sing it. That’s why I blast both of my eardrums directly with a foghorn for 30 seconds every morning during Karaoke Week. You can’t be too careful.

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Top: Tourists cycle as they drink beer and sing karaoke on a beer bike in Amsterdam June 12, 2009. The beer bike is a mobile, pedal-powered bar. REUTERS/Robin van Lonkhuijsen/United Photos

Right: Chinese architect Kwong Yusheng sings karaoke style, as the lips of a mechanical head of American author Mark Twain move in sync, at an exihibition displaying goods used in amusement parks in a 1997 photo. REUTERS

Right: A man sings in a local karaoke club during a night out in Shanghai February 23, 2008. REUTERS/Nir Elias

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36 comments

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I would sing My Heart Will Go On …. that would ensure that I am torturing everyone around me… Mwahahaha (evil witch’s laugh)

Posted by Shra | Report as abusive

Folks, I bring great news.
The ‘For Dummies’ guys have released their new book, The Royal Wedding – For Dummies

http://www.dummies.com/store/product/The -Royal-Wedding-For-Dummies.productCd-111 997030X.html

Posted by Nosmo_King | Report as abusive

@Shra, I call your My Heart Will Go On and raise you an Ice Ice Baby.

Posted by iflydaplanes | Report as abusive

Dave don’t sing. No worries BG, we can just hang out at the bar and drink ourselves deaf.

Posted by Dave_not_dave | Report as abusive

Dave and BG, shove over so there’s more room for us non-singers at the bar. Oh, and have some earplugs – I bought plenty.

Posted by Nosmo_King | Report as abusive

When my son was five, he asked me why I didn’t sing in church. My response: “Well, you got your singers, and you got your hummers. And I’m no singer.”

Posted by DoctorDoll | Report as abusive

Whatever happened to drunk driving slogans? :D

Posted by fwd079 | Report as abusive

I’m concerned BG – a professional journalist avoiding bars for a full week.

Posted by ARJTurgot2 | Report as abusive

Dave, is that homage to “Apocalypse Now?”

Posted by DoctorDoll | Report as abusive

Aren’t hummers at church what started the whole controversy to begin with?

Come on guys join the game. On the table we got a My Heart Will Go On raised with an Ice Ice Baby. Anyone daring enough to throw in an Informer?

Dave if you get yourself drunk enough will you slur out a Rebecca Black Friday for us?

Posted by iflydaplanes | Report as abusive

Now Doc, if I answered that, I’d be opening myself up to a zap. My tender skin doesn’t do so well with 50,000 volts.

Posted by Dave_not_dave | Report as abusive

Drunks on a bike sing
karaoke along with
talking heads. Zap ‘em!

Posted by AllThatJazz | Report as abusive

I find it oddly appropriate that National Karaoke Week corresponds with National Scoop the Poop week!
http://www.answers.com/topic/national-sc oop-the-poop-week

Posted by AllThatJazz | Report as abusive

You think general karaoke is bad, BG?

I just returned from AnimeBoston. They had a room dedicated to karaoke. Not a surprise, considering it’s the largest festival celebrating Japanese animation, art and pop culture in New England.

No, here’s the kicker: all the songs were in Japanese!

Posted by skeres | Report as abusive

Or at least take out a temporary restraining order…

Posted by rcbasler | Report as abusive

@Spin: I didn’t sing. I’m lucky if I can remember words to the English lyrics of Yu Yu Hakusho.

Posted by skeres | Report as abusive

Karaoke in the shower
Karaoke in the car
Don’t want no karaoke
If I’m going to the bar.

I thought a Hummer was a small vintage HD. They have those in church? Cool.

Used to call hummingbirds hummers, too.

Posted by Onedoor | Report as abusive

Very nice, Onedoor…

Posted by rcbasler | Report as abusive

according to one of my favorite books, the all time WORST song to inflict on others is In The Year 2525 (referred to as the ultimate retaliation song). If you don’t want to be quite that harsh, Honey by Bobby Goldsboro is the next choice.

(the book is Dave Barry’s second novel, “Tricky Business”. I highly recommend it. The funniest novel I have ever read.)

Posted by GeorgiaPeach | Report as abusive

@Jazz, how in the world did you find out it is National Scoop the Poop week? Was there yet another memo I failed to get? lol

Posted by iflydaplanes | Report as abusive

@GeorgiaP – It’s “No More ‘Stairway to Heaven’!”

@IFly – Pooper Scoopers actually have a national association. Must have interesting conventions, ya think?

Posted by Moonshine | Report as abusive

@Moon – for me, it would be Free Bird. OMG how I hate that song!!! (yes, I was born in the south and have lived here all my life. But I am so sick of that song. Love Lynyrd Skynrd’s other music, but NO MORE FREE BIRD E V E R) Stairway to Heaven would be 2nd worst on my list.

Posted by GeorgiaPeach | Report as abusive

@iFly – it takes lots of Soju and an all-nighter in Songtan, Korea, but I have been guilty of ear torture. However, that was long ago and it was far away, and things were so much better than they seem today. Nowadays, I’m better off (as is everyone around me) sitting on the bench with earplugs in.

Posted by Dave_not_dave | Report as abusive

Mr.Pilot, I see your Ice Ice Baby and raise you a Bryan Adams, “Everything I do” …
Beat that, mister!!

Posted by Shra | Report as abusive

I surely will try Shra. I will counter your Bryan Adams with Eddie Murphy’s “Party All The Time”!

Posted by iflydaplanes | Report as abusive

Ahem! *COUGH*

Samuel Langhorne Clemens, I do believe? I got my very scholarly paper declined in Jr High for using ‘Mark Twain’ in the titling thereof.

Posted by uncarastus | Report as abusive

@Moonshine, do you think just for fun their snacks consist of melted Snickers bars?

@Dave, I completely understand. Four Red Devils had me belting out Meatloaf at a company Christmas party a couple of years ago. It’s a wonder I still have a job.

Posted by iflydaplanes | Report as abusive

I am gonna get right back at you with, Abba’s “Mamma Mia”, Mr.Pilot…
Do I know the world’s coolest karaoke songs or what!!! :P

Posted by Shra | Report as abusive

“Mamma Mia”? Whoah, there is going to be some recovery time needed after that one. :p

Posted by iflydaplanes | Report as abusive

My work here is done.

Posted by Shra | Report as abusive

Damn you Shraaaaaaaa, damn you straight to…. oh wait, isn’t there another blog for movie quotes? :p

Posted by iflydaplanes | Report as abusive

2nd Caption… “you can leave your HEAD on…” nanana nana na!

Posted by Malteser | Report as abusive

I obviously meant 2nd photo.

and now..first pic..is it only me or does that chick singing look a bit like Ms. Middleton…another lookalike, perhaps?

Posted by Malteser | Report as abusive

It’s only you, Malt….

Posted by rcbasler | Report as abusive

So, that’s a single Malt?

Posted by DoctorDoll | Report as abusive

Doctor…seems so! ;) Pity it’s a beer bar!

Posted by Malteser | Report as abusive