In a jam with the royal ma’am?
Blog Guy, you have to help me. That royal wedding is in two days, and I don’t know how to act around the queen! Our invite hasn’t arrived yet, but we live in rural Indiana, and mail takes a while to get here.
Um, could you even get from Indiana to England in time?
Ah, of course. Well, you’re in luck. We’ve just run yet another etiquette piece, specifically advising lower class losers on how to behave around royalty.
Let’s see, here’s something useful from it. “Naturally, if The Queen offers to shake hands, you should reciprocate with a gentle handshake (no vigorous hand pumps).”
So I guess I shouldn’t high-five her, then?
It doesn’t say, but what could it hurt?
Our etiquette piece goes on to say, “If you find yourself in conversation with The Queen it is customary to address her as ‘Your Majesty,’ and subsequently as ‘Ma’am’ (to rhyme with jam).”
But how else would you pronounce ‘Ma’am’?
It doesn’t say, but remember, these etiquette pieces are aimed at serious dimwits, who may then wonder how to pronounce “jam.”
Anyhow, here would be a sample conversation with the Queen:
* * * * * *
“Real nice wedding, Your Majesty! You think the rain will hurt the rhubarb?”
“I shouldn’t have thought so, Bob. Would you care for some more of these spicy chicken wings?”
“No way, I’m about to barf already, Ma’am!”
Top: Britain’s Queen Elizabeth (L) and Prince Charles attend the Braemar Gathering, in Braemar Scotland September 4, 2010. REUTERS/Russell Cheyne
Right: Kate Middleton, fiancee of Britain’s Prince William, reacts to the crowd during a visit Witton Country Park in Darwen, northern England April 11, 2011. REUTERS/Alastair Grant/Pool