Oddly Enough Blog

News, but not the serious kind

Could this be how they tracked Osama?

May 2, 2011

Blog Guy, you’re the only one I trust to come up with the real story on how they got Osama bin Laden. There has to be more to it than merely a decade of meticulous hard work by the military and intelligence agencies.

I can’t talk about it. It’s too sensitive.

Come on, Blog Guy. Look, I wouldn’t be online if I couldn’t keep a secret, and we’ve already established that it’s safe to put it in your blog, since nobody looks here.

Well, okay, I have to admit it was ingenious. They invited bin Laden to the wedding.

The ROYAL wedding? Last Friday, between Britain’s Prince William and Kate Middleton? No way!

It gets better. They knew he probably wouldn’t come, but as our wedding etiquette column recently advised, once you get a wedding invitation you have to send a gift.

So all they had to do was wait for his present to arrive – a cheesy Ikea bookcase that William is going to have to assemble himself, gee thanks a lot – and then they simply traced the American Express card he used back to the billing address. The ceramic “OBL” on the mailbox was all the confirmation they needed.

That’s amazing! You know, I’ve always wondered how they figured out he was the Al Qaeda leader, anyway. What first tipped them off, many years ago?

Look at this page from his high school yearbook. He’s the only one in color.

Bingo! Those guys don’t miss a trick, do they?

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Top: Pakistani soldiers walk past a compound, surrounded in red fabric, where locals reported a firefight took place overnight in Abbotabad, located in Pakistan’s Khyber Pakhtunkhwa province¬† May 2, 2011. Al Qaeda leader Osama bin Laden was killed in a firefight with U.S. forces in Pakistan on Sunday, ending a nearly 10-year worldwide hunt for the mastermind of the Sept. 11 attacks. REUTERS/Faisal Mahmood

Right: Undated file photos showing the thirteen men listed as “most wanted terrorists” and released by President George W. Bush at FBI headquarters in Washington DC, October 10, 2001. The thirteen pictured here are wanted for the bombings of United States embassies in Kenya and Tanzania on August 7, 1998, which left more than 200 people dead. REUTERS/FBI/Handout

 

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Comments

If it was the Flingle-Googan bookcase, with the curvy pine shelves and alum wrench spindles -bully for bin laden. That’s what the smart terrorist is giving for weddings these days.

Posted by sgreco1970 | Report as abusive
 

I heard they tracked him through his Sony Playstation credit card account.

Posted by hmcfabulous | Report as abusive
 

Glad they finally got him. I was afraid he might be one of your regular commenters here. Guess we’ll know if someone doesn’t show up in the next couple of days.

Posted by Dave_not_dave | Report as abusive
 

Now that you mention it, Dave, we haven’t heard from Shra for a few days…

Posted by rcbasler | Report as abusive
 

All I can say is good riddance to bad rubbish (assuming Prince William threw out the bookcase). Oh yeah…and bin Laden – TAG YOU’RE IT!! Loser.

Posted by justK | Report as abusive
 

I heard the real story is that he was killed after a catstrophic failure of his Williams Sonoma hammock stand.

I guess he just didn’t get the recall notice.

Posted by Nosmo_King | Report as abusive
 

And I’m sure we can all agree that it was Kate’s idea to invite him. Clever and pretty; a dangerous combination. Haven’t seen that combination in a Brit since Emma Peel.

Posted by skeres | Report as abusive
 

Ummmm…how did they know where to send the wedding invite to?

Posted by iflydaplanes | Report as abusive
 

Hmmmmm, good point BG, but I’d be more inclined to think she took her zapper and joined the strike team. Haven’t seen CrowGirl in a couple of days either, and we know how good she is with a knife and gun.

Posted by Dave_not_dave | Report as abusive
 

True, Dave, but CrowGirl isn’t going to a country where they don’t eat pork. She just isn’t.

Posted by rcbasler | Report as abusive
 

Come to think of it, I haven’t seen my sister in a few days. She left wearing a white hat AND I found an Ikea receipt in her room this morning. Coincidence? Methinks not.

Posted by justCAM | Report as abusive
 

Yeah, Dave was disappointed when he moved into the Goat Cave, as the realtor had said it had ’3G coverage’. This turned out to mean it was covered in droppings left by three goats, and not that it had high-speed wireless Internet.

Posted by Nosmo_King | Report as abusive
 

Do you think the guy who’s now moved up to Number One Most Wanted is celebrating or scared?

Posted by CrowGirl | Report as abusive
 

BG: great story! I’m just relaxin’ and lovin’ all the comments.

Posted by Onedoor | Report as abusive
 

Death is what he know he will meet and we all know its inevitable.He has made himself significant in life and death.While the world celebrates the passing of the most wanted fugitive of our generations.Its surprising to note that he was found in Pakistan.

Posted by Ismailtaimur | Report as abusive
 

I hope they show bullet holes and video etc of raids, or else many Osama’s ghosts will keep on appearing around the world. :-|

Posted by fwd079 | Report as abusive
 

BG, you aint geting rid of me that soon, ya know…
Dave, thanks for sticking up for me.. you are a true mate!

Posted by Shra | Report as abusive
 

@Spin, no of course I would not question the journalistic integrity of OE. I was just wondering if there was a deeper conspiracy involved. As you pointed out maybe they did register at Ikea. Maybe they like shopping at Ikea. But because the Royal image would not allow for it they had to come up with a way to get the bookcase. A bit cunning, a bit devious, but in the end a win win for all! :D

Posted by iflydaplanes | Report as abusive
 

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