Six ways I know the world isn’t ending

May 21, 2011

Okay, everybody I know has asked me about these nutjobs who say a huge earthquake will shake the world today, sweeping true believers to heaven and leaving others behind to be engulfed in the earth’s destruction over a few months.

It isn’t happening, trust me, and here are the six ways I know that for a fact:

6. My DVR is still letting me record “The Borgias” tomorrow evening.

5. That broadcaster who is predicting this rapture thing owes me money, and this is just his sneaky way of getting out of it. True believer, my big butt!

4. Regular readers know I archive my own signs of the Apocalypse, and I’m not done yet.

3. Open your eyes. You can still leave comments on my blog, can’t you?

2. If a cataclysm was happening today, I’m pretty darned sure it would never




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is he gone???

Lamar’s gotta still be here!

Posted by GeorgiaPeach | Report as abusive

Yes, I can still

Posted by animehimo | Report as abusive

Dammit BG, you got distracted before you finished. Here, lemme finish for you:

1. Trump’s hair.

Posted by Dave_not_dave | Report as abusive

@Dave: Would Trump’s hair even move during an earthquake?

Posted by Onedoor | Report as abusive

Do you suppose God sent all the “True Believers” a little reminder postcard like the dentist does?

Posted by Onedoor | Report as abusive

party on, heathens! Looks like it’s up to us to keep the blog going.

Posted by GeorgiaPeach | Report as abusive

wait, the last sentence is incomplete.

that that part of the joke?

Posted by SkimpyDog | Report as abusive

You’re scaring me, Mr B. I actually scrolled down looking for end of

Posted by ladylala | Report as abusive

maybe Lady Lala & Lamar were raptured together. That would be her idea of HEAVEN!!

Posted by GeorgiaPeach | Report as abusive

All I know is that I’m not going to mow my lawn TODAY, or do the laundry, or wash the dishes.

Posted by lemonttaylor | Report as abusive

@Jclimacus – I see Cam’s sister in that fireball. What does that mean? I’m going with six more weeks of doughnuts!

Posted by GeorgiaPeach | Report as abusive

@GeorgiaPeach: “maybe ladylala & Lamar were raptured together”. Sister, Lamar and I are ALWAYS enraptured together. Today is no different.

Posted by ladylala | Report as abusive

I spent apocalypse time with tea and chocolate. Happy days.

Posted by CrowGirl | Report as abusive

Ok well I took the advice to “live each day likes it’s your last day on Earth” very literally today because I thought it might very well be. As it turns out though it seems that old dude was a bit off on his prediction. Anyone know a good laywer?

Posted by iflydaplanes | Report as abusive

I live within view of a volcano (Mt. St. Helens) and if today is the rapture, this is the place to be!

Posted by vwgal | Report as abusive

hello, Mr. Shapiro? Yes, that’s what I’m calling about too. Class action? Really. Hmmmm.

Posted by GeorgiaPeach | Report as abusive

I was wondering what BG was doing with that handbasket!

Posted by AllThatJazz | Report as abusive

If you experience the rapture, does that mean you have to listen to rap? If so, I’ll just go to Hell.

Posted by gmanvv | Report as abusive

I wonder how much those shirts will be going for on eBay

Posted by GeorgiaPeach | Report as abusive

1. Bible said so.

Posted by fwd079 | Report as abusive

Now we can all party like it is December 31st 1999, because Y2K is about to happen, and we won’t be seeing each other ever again.

The End

PS I am stuck in a time loop.

Posted by uncarastus | Report as abusive

If anyone who believes in the crapture, oops, I mean rapture, and owns a MacBook Air, would like to give it to me instead of just leaving it lying around when they get ‘taken up’ or ‘out’, they can contact me and I’ll be happy to take it from them. I will use it to keep records of all the stuff that happens until the big catastropheny-grande!

Posted by flesticle | Report as abusive

Eh, I was in the pub with 2 girlfriends and then went on to see Grease! Boy, it was much more fun than waiting for any kind of Rapture… :)

Posted by Shra | Report as abusive

I knew there’d be an article on this rapture business…so, who’s still around? Did anyone carry out a head-count since the 21st?

PS: Are we sure BG is the same BG we know – he looks different now, with the aviator glasses and all.

Posted by Malteser | Report as abusive

He sent me my daily dose of shoes, Malt.. so, I am pretty sure its the same BG..

Posted by Shra | Report as abusive

It’s me. I figured the aviators would protect me during the rapture. Looks like I was right.

Posted by rcbasler | Report as abusive

Is that a pic of you on holiday Mr B? ‘Cos I was wondering if you taking a vacation was a sign of the apocalyse…

Posted by CrowGirl | Report as abusive

Not really, no CG… after all, when on vacation, BG secretly fights all evil forces who would hasten the apocalypse, with his sheer awesomeness!

Posted by Shra | Report as abusive

I would have thought that a number one reason the Rapture was obviously fake was that Sarah Palin had yet to announce her candidacy for the 2012 Presidential Race.

Or that Justin Bieber is in fact the head of Anonymous.

Or that Randy Quaid starts to make sense.

Or that Muammar Gadaffi is nominated for a Nobel Peace Prize.

If any of the above things actually happen, we be in trouble.

Posted by Nosmo_King | Report as abusive

Thorry thpin, I woth juth joking.
I hope.

Posted by Nosmo_King | Report as abusive