The very worst contest idea EVER?

June 10, 2011

I’m afraid this isn’t going to end well.

A company that makes bug spray has launched “a nationwide search for America’s biggest bug,” and they are offering cash prizes. I am not making this up.

“Got a roach the size of a small dog…a beetle the size of a van…” the contest site asks innocently enough.

You mark my words, these bug spray folks will have blood on their hands soon.

Have these people never seen a summer movie before?

Are they totally unfamiliar with drive-in fare from the 1950s?

Do they not understand that when you go looking for giant insects you come back with The Fly, The Deadly Mantis, Tarantula and worse?

You know what? If I see a “beetle the size of a van,” I will be sprinting in the opposite direction, not trying to win their cheesy prizes.

It gets worse. You not only have to find and capture this behemoth, you have to put it next to one of their bug spray products and take a picture of it.

Oh really? Excuse me, Wasp Woman, do you mind posing next to my can of Black Flag here?

I want no part of this insanity. In the immortal words of the guy in Tarantula, “I never saw anything like it! No footprints! No blood! No sign of a struggle! The bones just stripped clean like peeling a banana!”

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Well I guess America’s biggest bug would be Bill Gates’ fail while launching a new OS, was it Windows Millenium?

Posted by Malteser | Report as abusive

BG – were you watching TCM last night, or is this just a coincidence? I watched “Them!”…more great flicks in that genre every Thursday night in June! As a matter of fact, Wasp Woman was on this morning.

happy Friday everybody!

Don’t let anything bug you…join the OE Blog Network!

Posted by GeorgiaPeach | Report as abusive

Malteser FTW! 😀

Posted by iflydaplanes | Report as abusive

BG, shame on you! Picking on those poor insects. Expect a nasty letter from the folks at PETI.

Posted by justCAM | Report as abusive

I find bugs everyday, just not teh kind that can be killed by bug spray…

Posted by Shra | Report as abusive

I was thinking more along the lines of the NSA or the Department of Homeland Security.

Posted by skeres | Report as abusive

They are bugs, Spin! They are, they are, THEY ARE!!

Posted by Shra | Report as abusive

I would actually be even more worried about Joe the Dude with an MA in genetic engineering. You have no idea what a college student would do for money.

Posted by grok | Report as abusive

Good answers! @Spin, that Connecticut remark got me. :-)

@Shra, I also spend part of my day squashing bugs. But I guess ours aren’t big enough to submit, are they?

When they have the final contestants, they can have a convention and put everyone up in a giant Roach Motel.

BG, it may be a bad idea, it’s true. But I’m trying to imagine what other contest an insecticide company could have. “Most deaths on my lawn”, “Best smelling Raid variation”, a spray-off in which contestants are let loose in rooms full of roaches to get the highest kill rate, best new slogan for Roundup, new national holiday of “Black Flag Day”?

Posted by flamenquito | Report as abusive

“They aren’t bugs. They are either issues or enhancements.”

The proper term is “Undocumented Feature” in keeping with the concept that “one man’s trash is another man’s treasure.”

Posted by bobw111 | Report as abusive

If that tarantula is 100 feet high (or 2 metres using today’s conversion rates adjusted for inflation and taking into consideration Moodys downgrade on the U.S. debt rating) then those people have to be about 50 or so feet high themselves. I guess that explains their lumbering gait as they try to “escape” the tarantula.

And The Deadly Mantis seems to be setting off that poor womans allergies something fierce! At least she has the common courtesy to sneeze into the crook of her elbow though.

Posted by iflydaplanes | Report as abusive

What did the bug say when it hit the windshield? “I’d do it again if I had the guts.”

Posted by ladylala | Report as abusive

Does anyone know if Congress counts as a single insect, or as a complete colony?

Posted by Nosmo_King | Report as abusive

Ifly, the people are small, the tarantula is far away…

Posted by CrowGirl | Report as abusive

@jclimacus, do they give Nobel prizes for hilarity? Your hypothesis deserves one! 😀

@CrowGirl, we are both wrong. Look at the lower right corner of the poster. Yep, that’s the Earth right there. Apparently it’s “100 feet hight” from the perspective of a Norse God or something.

Eh, either way I am sure it’s nothing Johnnie Rico and his Roughnecks couldn’t handle.

Posted by iflydaplanes | Report as abusive

I have a bug as big as a Volkswagen! Wonder if I qualify for the prize?

Posted by vwgal | Report as abusive

And to think that the British Board of Film Classification has just banned “The Human Centipede” for being too icky.

Posted by CrowGirl | Report as abusive

Indeed. Very MST3K.

Posted by rcbasler | Report as abusive

hmmm…Wasp woman..who fancy their chances? 😀

Posted by fwd079 | Report as abusive

The Human Centipede 2, CG… they passed the first one..
Looks like the Black Flag finally got one!

Posted by Shra | Report as abusive

Maybe, they say Grace before eating their victim…

Posted by Shra | Report as abusive

@ifly, thanks.

@Shra, great comment lol

Posted by Malteser | Report as abusive

Thanks Malt..for a change, I was chuffed to have something clever to say 😉

Posted by Shra | Report as abusive

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