Let’s practice those pickup lines, boys!

June 24, 2011

I think I have some pretty good news here, and right now I’m talking to you single guys.

The woman in these photos just split with her boyfriend and is now back in the dating pool. She’s on the rebound and vulnerable, so here’s your chance.

Oh, just one thing. She’s been dating actor George Clooney for two years. He’s your most recent competition.

That’s right, all you need is a pickup line persuading her you’re better than Clooney, and she’s all yours. Oh, and I guess you have to get her to actually listen to you while she’s getting the pepper spray out of her purse.

Here are some that might work, but feel free to come up with your own:

  • I hope you don’t go in for those slick, perfect, intelligent, rock-jawed, rich, charismatic, Hollywood pretty boys…
  • Well honey, I guess now it’s either me or Brad Pitt. Do you see him here?
  • I’ll have $4 million as soon as it gets here from Nigeria…
  • I know a guy that can get that tattoo off your arm…
  • Check it out! I can wiggle my ears!
  • Hop on! Once you ride a Vespa, there’s no turnin’ back!
  • Hey cutie, call me if you lose a couple of pounds!

Okay, the bad news is that only one of you readers is going to get her, so let’s keep this friendly. Or at least legal.

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Top: Elisabetta Canalis poses for photographers during a red carpet for the premiere of the movie “The Men Who Stare At Goats” at the 66th Venice Film Festival September 8, 2009. REUTERS/Tony Gentile

Right: Actor George Clooney and his girlfriend Elisabetta Canalis, September 8, 2009. REUTERS/Tony Gentile

Right: Clooney and Canalis arrive at the Academy Awards in Hollywood, March 7, 2010. REUTERS/Brian Snyder

Lower right: Clooney smiles during an interview with Reuters in Southern Sudan’s capital Juba, January 8, 2011. REUTERS/Thomas Mukoya

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Good lines for the guys, BG. I overheard a good one a few weeks ago: “My wife won’t tell me where she’s going on vacation because she thinks I’m too clingy.” Theirs most be a, um, different kind of relationship… Oh, he was trying to pick up another woman! Maybe he meant slimy instead of clingy?

Posted by Onedoor | Report as abusive

I am ashamed to say I once used the following and it actually worked.
I went to a lingere store and asked three different women if they could help me. I said “I’m looking to buy a special gift for my girlfriend, could you help me look for something good?”. Two out of three said yes. So after they had selected four items, I asked them if they could try them on, as I wasn’t sure how the items would look, and they could tell me if they were comfortable to wear or not.
The first one said no, the second agreed. I asked the second one for her number – she gave it to me and we dated a few times.

Posted by Nosmo_King | Report as abusive

Nosmo, you’re under arrest.

Posted by rcbasler | Report as abusive

Under arrest? C’mon BG, that’s brilliant!

Posted by Dave_not_dave | Report as abusive

@Nosmo, you should receive the Awesome Award of the Day! :) Did you ask for her number before or after she tried on the lingerie though?

Posted by iflydaplanes | Report as abusive

My favorite line, because it got me Mrs. Doc: “Your fiance is a lucky man.” (And I’m not ashamed at all.)

Posted by DoctorDoll | Report as abusive

Well, she’s not really my type, but I would have to try, “I’m trying to duplicate my grandmother’s ravioli recipe; could I possibly cook dinner for you, so I can get some authentic feedback?”

Posted by skeres | Report as abusive

@Ifly – I asked for her number when she tried on the third outfit for me.

I hasten to add that would be the one and only time, anything like a pick-up line ever worked for me.

Posted by Nosmo_King | Report as abusive

@Nosmo, she actually did try on three of the outfits? Not one. Not two. Three. And then she gave her number even though you told her you went in there to buy for your girlfriend! You… you are my hero!

Posted by iflydaplanes | Report as abusive

Wait a minute. I like Nosmo as much as the next person, but has nobody else noticed how very, very many references he makes to ex-wives, ex-lawyers and perhaps most importantly, his ex-disposable income?

Posted by rcbasler | Report as abusive

RB – I have no disposable income anymore. It’s all pre-disposed for me now.
As for the first Mrs. Nosmo and her ambulance-chasing scumbag? Well that was a very expensive series of mistakes on my part, that I can now see the humor in (most of the time, anyway). Feel free to laugh with me, or at me on that, either is fine.

Hey, at least I wasn’t the one who brought up the use of duct tape, cable ties and cholorform as a dating strategy – well not THIS time, anyway.

Posted by Nosmo_King | Report as abusive

Thanks, Nosmo. Now that we’ve cleared that up, we can turn to wondering why on earth skeres would say she’s “not really my type…”

Posted by rcbasler | Report as abusive

Reminds me of the time I was in a bar with my sister. A guy came up and was trying his best to impress her but, she wasn’t interested and was politely trying to brush him off. He was kinda getting the message but still persisted and at one point said, “My momma didn’t raise no dummies.” She looked at him and said, “What are you, an orphan?” Ouch.

Posted by justCAM | Report as abusive

Well, I suppose you can’t take it with you. You might as well spend it. You can spend it on yourself, or your kids.

I’m spending it on my kids, because they’re going to take care of me when I get old. :)

Posted by skeres | Report as abusive

I must say that I don’t recall ever using a pick-up line. Waht I said to Mrs. Doc was not really a “line.” We worked together in the college library, and when I said her fiance was a lucky man, I was simply being sincere and honest.

Spin is right. Natural statements for the surroundings have opened many conversations for me: “I read that book and loved it.” (Bookstore) “You’re an optimist about the weather.” (Elevator on a cloudy day; she had no umbrella). “The cinnamon bread with raisins is at the head of the aisle.” (Grocery store, that was a correct deduction about a woman who kept staring at the cinnamon bread and mumbling).

I wasn’t looking for a pick-up. I was jsut being friendly. After 27 years of marriage, I have the distinct honor and privilege not to have to concern myself with pick-up lines. Not my wife = not my type!

Posted by DoctorDoll | Report as abusive

Yeah Doc, I also used “The cinnamon bread with raisins is at the head of the aisle,” but I used it at the bookstore. I guess it’s all a matter of timing.

Posted by rcbasler | Report as abusive

Or this one: “Is that one of those retired racing greyhounds?” (MetroPark, to a woman walking a greyhound; it was.)

Posted by DoctorDoll | Report as abusive

@Nosmo: That was brilliant. I simply acted stupid/lost a couple of times, that seemed to work. 😀

About pick up line, “Gosh you look like Ex-Mrs Terminator, and I like being terminated once in a while.” :-)

Posted by fwd079 | Report as abusive

Mr. B. as far as skeres is concerned I think it’s because she is not the Duchess of Cambridge. That’s a legit standard.

Posted by iflydaplanes | Report as abusive

Yeah, timing is everythng, Bob. I still wake up in a cold sweat in the middle of the night thinking about the time I asked an elderly, dogless woman “Is that one of those retired racing greyhounds?”

Posted by DoctorDoll | Report as abusive

Nosmo rules! I’m no good at canned pick-up lines, though I’m pretty deft at acting stupid. I do have a couple favorites, from our latino friends: “Tantas curvas, y yo sin frenos”, which means “So many curves, and me without any brakes”.

Re: George’s girl above, I suppose I can’t match George at looks, money, fame, or really much of anything, but maybe I’d tell her…

“I really like a woman with a quality nose job”.
“My salt-and-pepper hair is kinda like George, innit?”.
“Look at the bright side, nobody will be hitting on your new boyfriend”.
“No pre-nup needed”.
“Got any sisters that are 65% as hot as you?”
“If you wear a blindfold I’m really excellent”.

Posted by flamenquito | Report as abusive

no way, flamenquito! with lines like those, HOW are you still single?

Posted by rcbasler | Report as abusive

BG, same with you, your lines are killer, especially the Nigeria one, so you must have a harem by now!

I don’t exactly have that, although you could call it a scarem harem. Serial monogamy is popular nowadays, but I am a parallel clandestine polygamist, meaning that I have several wives at once in different locations who don’t know about each other. I am in transit right now, writing to you with my “smart” phone while I have wives on hold on 3 other cell phones.

Posted by flamenquito | Report as abusive

just home from the park. You guys don’t need pickup lines. Take the dogs for a walk, you’ll have women come up to you to see the dogs. Or, try this one: there’s an older gentleman who is at the park every Saturday detailng his truck. Seems to work for him. 😉

Posted by GeorgiaPeach | Report as abusive

I wouldnt know much about pick up lines,coz I think I scare the garcons away.. 😛

Posted by Shra | Report as abusive

It’s interesting that the ladies aren’t enjoying the fact that Mr. Clooney’s back on the market…

Only pick up line I’ve ever used was not really a pick up line… I whispered “I like you” in my fiancee’s ears and she whispered “I like you too” in mine.. (we were at a salsa bar, the whispering did the trick, methinks!)

Worked like a charm 😉

Still, since we’re coming up with interesting pick up lines, one could tell Canalis:
“Hey, you know there are men around that stare at goats and keep a pig for a pet! Would you believe it?”
http://www.people.com/people/article/0,, 1565992,00.html

Posted by Malteser | Report as abusive

Maybe I could try telling Mr Clooney that I have a great recipe for his pig? Or just offer Nosmo my phone number…

And since no one has yet “Does this rag smell of chloroform to you?” has yet to fail.

Posted by CrowGirl | Report as abusive

One of my sisters had a pet Vietnamese potbellied pig. He lived in the utility room and would knock on the backdoor to get inside. When my niece brought home her boyfriend for dinner, though, she insisted that the pig go out into the barn. She hadn’t told him about the pig. So, they’re all sitting at dinner when there is a knocking at the back door. Everyone ignores this. Knock, knock . . . KNOCK, KNOCK, KNOCK! BF asks “Aren’t you going to answer the door?” My niece breaks down and exclaims “We have a pig!”

Posted by DoctorDoll | Report as abusive

So, anybody besides me have pork chops for supper?

Posted by DoctorDoll | Report as abusive

Not me, Doc, not me..

Posted by Shra | Report as abusive

69Spin…In truth, I wouldn’t use a pick up line fullstop. But that’s me. 😉

That Clooney pig story fascinated me first time I read it.

Posted by Malteser | Report as abusive