Where the wild things are?

June 28, 2011

Okay, do I have to solve everybody’s problems all by myself?

We have a real news story saying more and more zoos are allowing visitors to spend the night, so they can learn “what happens when the gates slam shut, the sun goes down and the moon rises…”

Really? Again we are faced with schemes created by people who obviously have never seen real-life adventure movies such as “Jurassic Park” or “Snakes on a Plane.”

They have no clue what always happens when helpless people are locked in confined quarters with dangerous creatures.

* * * * * *

“Well Lamar, I think this new program will be a big success. Those polite, clean-cut teenagers we left back there are going to have a great time tonight.”

“They sure are, Boss.”

“So just to double-check, Lamar, you left out the hot dogs and fixin’s by the campfire, check?

“You bet, Boss.”

“And the graham crackers and marshmallows and chocolate, so they can make s’mores for dessert?”

“Absolutely, Boss.”

“And, let’s see, as far as the zoo animals, we divided those up, right? I myself locked up the doves, swans, zebras, giraffes, antelopes and otters, all safe and sound.”

“Good stuff, Boss.”

“And just double-checking our checklist here, you locked up the lions, tigers, crocodiles, timber wolves, rattlesnakes, sharks and the criminally insane, right, Lamar?”

“Er, um, er, do you mind turning around, Boss, I think I may have left a bathroom light on back there…”

“Oh, somebody else will get that, Lamar. Let’s go for a drink.”

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Top: Lion named Carbora roars in his enclosure at the Hagenbeck Zoo in Hamburg March 4, 2011. REUTERS/Christian Charisius

Left: A wolf grunts in Lobopark in Antequera, southern Spain December 26, 2004. REUTERS/Rafael Marchante

Left: A reveler of the Vila Isabel samba school participates in the annual Carnival parade in Rio de Janeiro’s Sambadrome March 6, 2011. REUTERS/Ueslei Marcelino

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U really did it this time Lamar.
Forget the animals, you FORGOT to LOCK the CRIMINALLY INSANE!!!!
Those poor teenagers… well, maybe we can dole out some more zombies after all..

Posted by Shra | Report as abusive

guests for dinner? And leftovers for breakfast!!!

Posted by GeorgiaPeach | Report as abusive

Rawr! That Lamar, always such a cut-up. How exactly does getting eaten by a fake shark translate to being a reveler? He looks more like a snack to me.

Posted by Dave_not_dave | Report as abusive

I’m spotting some dental issues here…. Maybe Lamar should call ZooDent International (www.zoodent.com/keyissues.html)and put those brave veterinary specialists to work. The lion would be transformed into a pussycat, the wolf to a puppy dog and the shark…well two out of three ain’t so bad.

Posted by Moonshine | Report as abusive

Just a question – teenagers vs the criminally insane, who is at more risk? And are you sure there is a significant difference anyway?

Posted by Nosmo_King | Report as abusive

To paraphrase a movie line:

“Those bars aren’t there to protect me from the animals; they’re there to protect the animals from ME!”

Posted by skeres | Report as abusive

S’mores are delicious. I would share the s’mores with all the zoo creatures and become the Ace Ventura of the zoo.

Posted by iflydaplanes | Report as abusive

The one scene that I cant seem to forget from Ace Ventura, is when he comes out of the backside of a mechanical rhinocerous, naked, and the family standing nearby thinks that the rhino just gave birth…

Posted by Shra | Report as abusive

“Left: A reveler of the Vila Isabel samba school participates in the annual Carnival parade in Rio de Janeiro‚Äôs Sambadrome March 6, 2011. REUTERS/Ueslei Marcelino”

What kind of parade includes sharks with men in their mouths? :-O

Posted by fwd079 | Report as abusive

Nosmo, good question!

Baz, I still <3 ya. In one post you've shown me two of my favourite animals. Warm fuzzies abound!


Posted by egeria | Report as abusive

Huh…not sure what happened to my comment…



Posted by egeria | Report as abusive

This one? Nosmo, good question!

Baz, I still <3 ya. In one post you’ve shown me two of my favourite animals. Warm fuzzies abound!

It’s showing up on my browser, E.

Posted by rcbasler | Report as abusive

Yeah Baz, that one. Maybe the syystem doesn’t like hearts?



Posted by egeria | Report as abusive

That’s a wolf “grunting”? Really?!

Posted by CrowGirl | Report as abusive

Wild Things
You make my heart sing
You dismember everything!
Wild Things.

Wild Things
I think I love ya
But I don’t know if I can endure…

Posted by Onedoor | Report as abusive

Onedoor, good one.

Shra, loved that part too, but I loved the movies in their entirety. Particularly the “chewing-gum” phase after a particular discovery. I’m sure you’ll understand the reference.

Now, haiku time.

Lock me in a zoo,
I will not try to escape -
I love animals!

Posted by Malteser | Report as abusive

Hey Malteser, many thanks for your careful wording, so as not to include a spoiler for a movie that came out 36 years ago….

Posted by rcbasler | Report as abusive

BG, don’t mention it! ;) This can bring forth a game…will anyone attempt to guess what actually happens in Ace Ventura that prompts a ‘chewing gum’ phase? No cheating please. S/He who guesses first will win a zap-free pass courtesy of Shra, Shra permitting. :P

Posted by Malteser | Report as abusive

Yeah, ok Malt… u have my permission..

Posted by Shra | Report as abusive