Don’t look up, it’s NUTTY in the sky!

June 29, 2011

I used to pride myself on having the goofiest content on reuters.com, but then this week I took a look at our space news, and saw what real scientists are telling us.

For instance, did you know astronauts had  to take refuge aboard the International Space Station’s “lifeboat” crafts yesterday?  The Russian space agency said “space trash” was passing very close to the station.

I guess “space trash” must be Jed Clampett-type guys in coveralls, out hunting space squirrels, but you’d think we would be more politically correct in our wording. “Yokels” or “Hillbillies” would be more sensitive.

And continuing with the space garbage theme, our own NASA said an asteroid with the girth of a garbage truck soared within 7,500 miles of the Earth on Monday. They called it a “near-Earth asteroid.”

That’s the distance from Bolivia to Alaska. Look, when a hurtling garbage truck gets so close that I could drive there, I get very nervous. Remember, the last known quote from a dinosaur, 65 million years ago, was “Hey, look at that pretty thing streaking across the…”

Then there’s my favorite space story of the week. Russian scientists expect humanity to encounter alien civilizations by 2031, a top Russian astronomer predicted.

It gets better. He said the aliens would most likely resemble humans, with two arms, two legs and a head.

Really? You know that much about them, and you know we’ll encounter them by 2031, the year I pay off the mortgage on my house?

Do you happen to know if they’ll be looking to buy property in the Washington, DC area, because I expect my values to drop the minute they get here.

And my biggest question is, if they have arms will they have hands? Because I’m not going to high-five anybody, I don’t care if they are from Neptune.

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Italian soldiers collect garbage in Castellammare di Stabia near Naples November 29, 2010. REUTERS/Stefano Renna

The trajectory of Near-Earth asteroid 2011 MD from the general direction of the Sun in an image courtesy of NASA’s Jet Propulsion Laboratory. Credit: Reuters/NASA/JPL-Caltech

A woman wearing a space alien costume stops to be photographed in front of Saint Patricks Cathederal on Fifth Avenue in New York as she participates in the 31st annual Lesbian and Gay Pride March on June 24, 2001. REUTERS

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27 comments

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Thats it, the new date of the Apocalypse is 2031. Are you reading this, Mr. Camping?
You might still wanna get out of that October deadline..

Posted by Shra | Report as abusive

A big LOL at Russian scientists (for now). :P
But I’d happily surrender if only an alien would wear what’s in background. :D

Posted by fwd079 | Report as abusive

Trust you to find out that detail, fwd!!

Posted by Shra | Report as abusive

Thanks for the reminder, BG! I need to change the water in the fish bowl.

Posted by justCAM | Report as abusive

Space trash? I didn’t know we had let Paris Hilton off the planet.
As for the aliens, just think of the possibilities, Mr B. You could unload those embarrassing Michael Bolton and Kenny G CDs at extravagant prices to the newcomers, claiming them to be Culturally Iconic. And think of the humor possibilities – an entire species that has never heard a ‘knock, knock’ joke, or been asked to pull someone’s finger.
Glorious days!

Posted by Nosmo_King | Report as abusive

First off, BG, shame on you! You gave us information that it’s only 7,500 from Bolivia to Alaska. Are you trying to educate us? Shra, where’s the zapper?

Second, if space aliens do arrive in 2031, I’ll be … over 70. I hope they’re like the aliens in Cocoon (not Cancun) and have that great life rejuvenation thingy. I’ll probably need to hang out with the aliens to revive my sex drive, and I remember it worked out pretty well in the movie.

Posted by skeres | Report as abusive

What an irony. The space aliens are going to finally get here only to find they were almost two decades after the apocalypse.

Posted by lemonttaylor | Report as abusive

And I, for one, would like to welcome our new alien overlords…

Posted by CrowGirl | Report as abusive

Um, Mr B, you’ve given us only one column today. What do you think this is–a weekend?

Posted by ladylala | Report as abusive

Things get a little looser in the summer lull, Lady.

Plus, in my country this is the wednesday before the thursday before the friday that starts a long fourth of july weekend, so heck, it’s practically Christmas!

Posted by rcbasler | Report as abusive

when I saw the last picture, I thought Lamar had been running with Lady Gaga

Posted by GeorgiaPeach | Report as abusive

Spin on vacation
Regales us with her haiku
What will the alien do

Posted by Onedoor | Report as abusive

Spin on vacation
Regales us with her haiku
What will the alien do

Posted by Onedoor | Report as abusive

BG: It appears the clothing requirements in NY got a little looser. In fact, the clothing was so loose, it appears to have fallen off!

@fwd: you might like the clothing; but you might also want to do an Adam’s apple check or something.

Posted by Onedoor | Report as abusive

Classic OE blog.
Not for the weak, nor the dumb.
Spin on vacation.

@one – good advice there, I do believe.

Space – the final garbage dump.

Posted by Dave_not_dave | Report as abusive

Onedoor, classic advice haha… and may I add to it, that picture being in New York, I’m sure it would be a big apple, if ever there was one!

Posted by Malteser | Report as abusive

@Shra: hehehe at your service, ma’am. :P

@Onedoor: Oh come on, they will be aliens, how could I tell ‘either way’? :D

Posted by fwd079 | Report as abusive

“Gay Pride?” …this may not be too PC, but looking at that bottom pic, how the heck can the gay & lesbian community expect ANYONE to take them seriously?

Posted by Moonshine | Report as abusive

Why is it the leftist media is ALWAYS just fine with references to so called “white trash”.
Why don’t you sack up and refer to the trash in question as “ghetto” occasionally.
Just another example of the politically correct hypocrisy.

And homosexual aliens…yeah right…

Posted by mitch77 | Report as abusive

Uh-oh, someone left the door open again. I thought Lamar had troll watch?

Posted by Dave_not_dave | Report as abusive

What up, mitch? This is just a humour blog…take things lightly over here, with a haiku maybe?

Reuters are leftist,
And I can stand this no more -
I’ll read other blogs.

Posted by Malteser | Report as abusive

@Mitch: Chill mate, nothing is too serious here. :)

Posted by fwd079 | Report as abusive

OMG! I’ve become entrapped in a LEFTIST BLOG! And I thought it was just an enlightened spin on the news, cloaked in intelligent humor. Shame on you all for your wit and wisdom. OW! I just bit my tongue…I guess that’s what I get for tounge-in-cheek thinking.

Posted by Moonshine | Report as abusive

Aye yay yay! Get this guy outta here before I zap him!!!

Posted by Shra | Report as abusive

Mitch, are you suggesting that only Caucasians can be hillbillies or yokels or Jed Clampett types who go squirrel hunting? You need to get out into rural America more often.

Posted by DoctorDoll | Report as abusive

All hillbillies are created equal. It says so right in my home state’s constitution.

Posted by DoctorDoll | Report as abusive

Considering the fact that I live in Hillbilliland, I happen to know that my hillbillies are better than yours, Doc! Being better at hillbillying is a statement for kicking back and ruminating about, y’all!

Dr Rastus (Dr in the field of Sleep, and also Hillbilliation, not to mention that my name for the last 14 years in the service was Doc)

Posted by uncarastus | Report as abusive