I can fix this one up real good, Duchess!

July 7, 2011

Blog Guy, I know you have close ties to Britain’s royal family, so maybe you can answer a question. Why are Prince William and Catherine, the Duchess of Cambridge, spending so much time in Canada?

I’m really not supposed to say.

Look, we’ve been through this before. If you put it in your blog, nobody will even see it.

Okay. William is shopping for a used car.

Are you kidding me? He can’t find used cars in Britain?

Sure, but he thinks he can get a better deal in Canada. He likes to inspect the vehicles, kick the tires, that sort of thing.

What tires? I mean, I hate to mention it, but…

Yeah, he definitely has a fondness for older cars that need some work, which is why if you ever drive by Buckingham Palace you’ll see six or seven Canadian wrecks up on blocks.

So has he ever refurbished one enough to drive it?

Not yet. It always comes down to moving the steering wheel to the right-hand side of the dashboard, and he can never find anything to attach it to over there.

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Top, left, right: Britain’s Prince William and his wife Catherine, the Duchess of Cambridge look at the damage left after a forest fire in Slave Lake, Alberta July 6, 2011. REUTERS/Andy Clark

Lower right: Catherine walks while visiting Blatchford Lake, Northwest Territories in Canada July 5, 2011. REUTERS/Arthur Edwards/pool

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Kate can make any scene pretty by just being there..thanks RB, made my day :-)

Posted by fwd079 | Report as abusive

The more I see her, the more I want to feed her..

Posted by Shra | Report as abusive

What’s wrong with her left eye?

Posted by KWest | Report as abusive

Any chance your name is Seymour, @Shra?

But really, who doesn’t want a couple of rusted wrecks on blocks to beautify their lawn?

Posted by Jibberish | Report as abusive

‘What’s worse than getting a sharp stick poked into your left eye? Having 2 sharp sticks poked into your left eye! Which is better than having you people staring at my Royal Hubbies Balding Head!’

Plus, this is a fashion statement! Get your sharpened sticks here! Almost free!

Posted by uncarastus | Report as abusive

@KWest: She’s shooting laser love. 😀

@Shra: There’s nothing wrong with her, okay? 😛

Posted by fwd079 | Report as abusive

“Excuse me, but was this car a taxi?”

“No, ma’am; it’s yellow primer.”

From one of the more under-appreciated comedies of all time, “Used Cars”.

Posted by skeres | Report as abusive

I’m not sure I understand. When was this fire? How can there be green, GREEN grass right next to a car that has burned?

Oh, and if starvation is part of being a “Royal,” then I’ll pass. I’m with Shra, that woman needs to eat.

Posted by Dave_not_dave | Report as abusive

There are many questions raised, Dave, not the least of which is, why does he seem to be reading his fortune from a fortune cookie amid all the devastation…

Posted by rcbasler | Report as abusive

“It is as bad as you think, and they are out to get you”. I am never buying fortune cookies again.

Posted by CrowGirl | Report as abusive

@Dave, well it does take longer for a Chevy Trailblazer to grow back after a fire. Once it goes down to the bare metal like that it could take quite a few months to bloom again.

Posted by iflydaplanes | Report as abusive

@Crow: Do what my friends and I do. Add the words “in bed” to the end of your fortune. Makes quite a few of them pretty funny.

@ifly: Do compact cars grow back more quickly?

Posted by Onedoor | Report as abusive

“Hearts are not to be had as a gift, hearts are to be earned [in bed].” — William Butler Yeats

Posted by DoctorDoll | Report as abusive

@Doc: You get Yeats poetry in your fortune cookies?????

OK: “Never give all the heart, for love will hardly seem worth thinking of to passionate women if it seem certain.” (in bed)

Posted by Onedoor | Report as abusive

No One, that line just occurred to me. My last fortune cookie said my lunch companion was going to pay for my lunch. It said: “Good fortune will befall you today.” Unfortunately, I was lunching with a (metaphorically speaking) myopic literalist who did not appreciate my skills in textual interpretation.

Posted by DoctorDoll | Report as abusive

@Doc: Good morning! I put fortunes and horoscopes in the same grab bag: “Up for Grins and Interpretations.” Though I have kept one close to my heart – “It could be that your sole purpose in life is to serve as a warning to others.” Why, yes, I am a tad warped:)

Posted by Onedoor | Report as abusive

This wasn’t in a fortune cookie. Someone very wise once told me this: “If you are going to sin, sin boldly.”

Posted by DoctorDoll | Report as abusive

“404 error – cookie message not found”.

Posted by CrowGirl | Report as abusive

Fwd, look at her!! She is one step away from being a propah stick!
Jib, nah, my name is Shra. Honest.

Posted by Shra | Report as abusive

Shra, Jib was making a movie reference to… oh wait, I’m not falling into that trap.

Posted by rcbasler | Report as abusive

I know what you mean, Spin. Every so often we’ll have a story about some fairly backward country “dissolving parliament,” and the mental image I get is… Oh, never mind.

Posted by rcbasler | Report as abusive

[…] 10. I can fix this one up real good, Duchess! […]

Posted by The best of July, a definite pattern? | Oddly Enough Blog | Report as abusive