I have a beef with your roast…

July 7, 2011

Sometimes I wish I had just arrived in America from Estonia or Honduras or someplace, which would at least give me a better excuse for not understanding the things that go on here.

For instance. Comedy Central has just announced that the subject of their next TV roast is Charlie Sheen.

I am not making this up.

Presumably Sheen was a last-minute choice after Anthony Weiner, Bernie Madoff and Osama bin Laden were unavailable. But who on earth would watch something like this?

It’s probably just my own ignorance, but I always got the impression that these roasts were supposed to be good-natured ribbing of lovable people.

I can’t begin to imagine what kind of jokes you make about somebody who actually said, “I am on a drug. It’s called Charlie Sheen. It’s not available. If you try it once, you will die. Your face will melt off and your children will weep over your exploded body.”

We’re talking about a guy who just a year ago pleaded guilty to assaulting his wife. Yeah, bring on the good-natured quips!

Now, if I somehow misunderstood, and they plan to roast him literally, then that’s altogether different. I’ll buy a ticket and help stoke the fire myself.

But if I was right in the first place, then Comedy Central execs have found a new bottom of the barrel, and they should be ashamed.

I mean, crap, why don’t they just roast Donald Trump while they’re at it?

Oh, wait. They already did Trump a few months ago.

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Top: Actor Charlie Sheen is pictured in this handout photo released by the Aspen Police Department on December 25, 2009. REUTERS/Aspen Police Department/Handout

Left: Sheen gestures towards fans as he arrives for a sentencing hearing at the Pitkin County Courthouse in Aspen, Colorado August 2, 2010. REUTERS/Rick Wilking

Right: Screen grab from Comedy Central Website

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Pitching in a bag of charcoal. Otherwise, I don’t know what to say.

Posted by Dave_not_dave | Report as abusive

[…] have a beef with your roast… – Reuters Blogs (blog) Sydney Morning HeraldI have a beef with your roast…Reuters Blogs (blog)Comedy Central has just announced that the subject of their next TV roast is […]

Posted by I have a beef with your roast… – Reuters Blogs (blog) | standup2u.com | Report as abusive

I would like my roast without a Charlie or a Donald in it, thank you very much!

Posted by Shra | Report as abusive

Oh come on now, give the guy a break! He’s divorced, unemployed, and an ex-con who now has to find a way to meet substantial child-support payments. Karma has finally descended upon him, in a most worthy fashion.

I wonder if he thinks he’s still ‘winning’?
Maybe his new slogan is ‘barely breaking even’? Or possibly ‘well, at least I’m not Mel Gibson’.

Posted by Nosmo_King | Report as abusive

maybe it’s just an extension of the one man tour he did…a Charlie Sheen Boast.

Posted by GeorgiaPeach | Report as abusive

I think he’s taking some of the heat off of ole Mel. Perhaps Mr. Gibson will get some straight-to-video gigs now that Mr. Sheen is on a hot streak!
@Shra, do you prefer your roast with potatoes or carrots? Shoes?

Posted by Jibberish | Report as abusive


Not my words, taken from a popular movie’s part 1. 😀

Posted by fwd079 | Report as abusive

Does Charlie Sheen still exist? Cripes I thought we were finally rid of him. Le sigh. A hex on Comedy Central for reviving the demon! But save Jon Stewart and Steven Colbert. They are swell people.

Posted by iflydaplanes | Report as abusive

Potatoes Jibb, or like we call them spuds, or even locally, tatties…
Keep the shoes for later please?

Posted by Shra | Report as abusive

Maybe Sheen is trying to get some of his sheen back! My mind is dulled at the moment. Need doughnut, stat!

@Jibb … Shra would probably enjoy tatties and neeps with her roast.

Posted by justCAM | Report as abusive

Charcoal? Check – Dave
Matches? Check – RB
Lighter Fluid? Unnecessary. Charlie’s been on the ragged edge of self-combustion for WAY too long already.

Let the roast begin!

Posted by Moonshine | Report as abusive

Cam, in that case, I will have the haggis, instead of the roast :)

Posted by Shra | Report as abusive

Charlie Sheen?

Are you freaking kidding me?

This is going to be the worst roast yet (not that I’ve seen any of them).

Maybe they figure Sheen will just implode when given the chance to talk, and people will watch for the train wreck experience.

Now, if they wanted to be clever, they would have roasted “The goddesses” instead. :)

Posted by skeres | Report as abusive

See, now this is why I’m happy to be a backward, frostbitten, retro-dressing Canadian: We don’t have Charlie Sheens up here. We’re pretty much ok until your Randy Quaids go awol and cross our border.
I wonder how roast would taste with poutine?

Posted by ladylala | Report as abusive

@Lady Lala – if you’ll agree to keep Justin Beiber, Céline Dion, and Nickleback off American airwaves, we’ll TRY to control the US Whackadoodles (there are way too many to list) 😉

and I will personally agree to take Brendan Fraser. You know…just as an act of good will 😛

Posted by GeorgiaPeach | Report as abusive

@ladylala, it is very nice of you guys to welcome our asylum seekers. Everyone knows that “they” were out to get Randy Quaid. We’re all afraid of “them”, but we’re not brave enough to seek asylum in the land of maple syrup and poutine!

Posted by Jibberish | Report as abusive

Ms. McCormick: My son could’ve been a doctor or a lawyer rich and true,
Instead he burned up like a piggy on the barbecue
Everyone: Should we blame the matches?
Should we blame the fire?
Or the doctors who allowed him to expire?
Sheila: heck no!
Everyone: Blame Canada! Blame Canada!
Sheila: With all their hockey hullabaloo

not quite as good as a Kim Jong Il puppet singing “I’m so Ronery” 😀

Don’t blame Canada…just join the OE Blog Network!

Posted by GeorgiaPeach | Report as abusive

@GeorgiaPeach: re Dion, Bieber, and Nickelback–I see your point. But at least we have the sense to export our mistakes. (Sorry, cheap comment; I actually like Celine.)

Posted by ladylala | Report as abusive

I like Celine too, Lady. I just do.

Posted by Shra | Report as abusive