So there isn’t a Toaster Pastry Diet?

July 11, 2011

Okay, we already know there are a lot of really stupid people out there, but it may be time to recalibrate my measuring scale.

I just clicked on an item headlined “8 Foods to Banish from your Diet,” expecting it would offer some surprise foods that have more calories than most people think.

The first item on their list? Stick margarine. And there I was, snacking on a big old stick of trans fats clutched in my oily hand.

So that explains why I’m gaining weight, and also why my computer keyboard is pretty gross.

I mean really? Does this come as news to anybody?

It gets worse. This article then goes on to warn us about sodas, movie-theater popcorn, hot dogs, deep-dish pizza and whole milk. Well crap, that’s pretty much my entire grocery list, right there.

But here was my favorite item on the list: Breakfast Toaster Pastries.  “A two-pack of toaster pastries can flood your system with almost ten teaspoons of sugar!” the writer advises, using an exclamation mark to heighten the drama of this shocking revelation.

She goes on, “If you’re looking for a convenient, healthy replacement…” Wait, I think I can finish that sentence. ANYTHING THAT DOESN’T HAVE THE WORD PASTRY IN ITS NAME?

I guess the moral here is, eating really bad foods can shorten your life. Then again, wasting several minutes reading the fricking obvious does the same thing, doesn’t it?

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Top: President Barack Obama eats his lunch at Rudy’s Hot Dog in Toledo, Ohio, June 3, 2011. REUTERS/Jim Young

Right: Screen grab from online article.

Left: A sausage pizza sits on a table at Pizzeria Uno in Chicago January 20, 2010.  REUTERS/John Gress

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25 comments

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Now that made me real hungry….
mmmm… chips… mmm… pizza…. mmm.. whole milk!

Posted by Shra | Report as abusive

but doughnuts with medi-sprinkles are the ultimate diet food, right BG?

Avoid the obvious…Join the OE Blog Network!

Posted by GeorgiaPeach | Report as abusive

I’m still seriously wanting a Chicago style hotdog. Kinda tough to find in my neck of the woods. I wonder if Sonic’s version is any good?

Posted by GeorgiaPeach | Report as abusive

Hmm – Red Bull and Poutine weren’t on the list. Does this make them health food?

Posted by Nosmo_King | Report as abusive

When the President was eating a Rudy’s hotdog, I was across the street eating lunch at Mancy’s Steakhouse. We do have restaurants other than hotdog shops (Packo’s, Rudy’s) in this town. Just sayin’.

Posted by DoctorDoll | Report as abusive

I prefer a well balanced meal, perhaps a chili cheese dog as an appetizer, followed by a big, greasy, deep dish pizza with sausage, mushrooms, and peperoni. I then like to go to the movies and enjoy popcorn with loads of butter, M&Ms, and a 1.5 gallon soda!

But the toaster pastries, well, those are just empty calories! ;-) Can I have frosted strawberry please?

Posted by Jibberish | Report as abusive

Well, heck. That explains a lot. Thanks for ruining my daily breakfast BG. Guess I’ll go back to an egg, bacon and cheese burrito instead, since that’s all healthy. Hmm, wonder where I can find those here?

Posted by Dave_not_dave | Report as abusive

I completely agree RB, but get ready to be zapped as Shra won’t like you teaching her anything. Wait till she fills her stomach. :D

Posted by fwd079 | Report as abusive

A container of cinnamon rolls is not pastry because I say that they’re not, and fresh squeezed ‘possum juice is not sweet unless one adds a 5 pound bag of sugar to the glass of ‘possum juice. Who’d want to ruin a fresh squeezed glass of ‘possum juice, anyway?

Besides me, that is?

Posted by uncarastus | Report as abusive

Well, now I feel much better about all the butter and cream I used in the leek-potato soup I made last night. And all the bacon fat and butter in the Southern green beans. Oh! Crap! I blew it with the pork loin. I cooked it in a crock pot with 12 ounces of Coke, salt, pepper, a chipotle pepper, and liquid smoke. And crap! I put a little margerine in the oil I used to make the French fires!

Posted by DoctorDoll | Report as abusive

Well, I’m lucky. We have given up margarine, cut way back on sodas, buy only Hebrew Expensive hot dogs, haven’t touched a deep-dish pizza in years, and drink 1% milk.

Not too sure if I’ll ever give up movie-theater popcorn, but at least we don’t have it with “butter” (read: cheap oil) on it.

And yes, toaster pastries are bad. I’m lucky, in that my wife tends to add ground almonds as an offset to white flour when she makes pastries, so I’m going to live a long life. Now, whether I can continue commenting after today depends entirely on my ability to circumvent the new internet filters being added to our system tonight. :O

Posted by skeres | Report as abusive

Hey, there’s no sugar in most pastry, you leave pastry alone!

Posted by CrowGirl | Report as abusive

Great picture, Lamar.
You have to give it to the SS folks that they placed so thoughfully the coke glasses left and right of the prez, and also two innocent-looking “bystanders” artistically arranged behind him.

Posted by grok | Report as abusive

Second that CG, plan tosh some people get up too!
Nincompoops! Absolute flibbertigibbet!

Posted by Shra | Report as abusive

DoctorDoll – You’re a man after my own heart…
…July 4th BBQ Menu: Smoked Brisket, Baby Back Ribs, a pot of Pinto Beans, Fresh Green Beans w/ Salt Pork, Squash & Cheese Casserole, Potato Salad, Cole Slaw and, for dessert, that old Southern favorite, Blackberry Sonker. Yum, yum…and I must say, we are reallay a pretty healthy bunch despite the occasional food orgy.

Posted by Moonshine | Report as abusive

This is kind of embarrassing, Moonshine. Turns out my invitation to your July 4th BBQ must have got lost in the mail.

Posted by rcbasler | Report as abusive

Ooops..apologies to RB and all the other OE Bloggers. But you’re always welcome at the farm…We can do a BBQ at the drop of a hat!

Posted by Moonshine | Report as abusive

I’m there, Moonshine! Who’s with me on this?

Posted by rcbasler | Report as abusive

Moonshine, please tell me more about Blackberry Sonker? Without being in any way educational, obviously. Although if it’s as great as the name suggests, I’ll happily take the zap in exchange for a recipe…

Posted by CrowGirl | Report as abusive

CrowGirl – If I’m offering the recipe, then I’m the one risking the Z-A-P-P-P, right? So to tip-toe around the topic, how about a link: http://www.lostrecipesfound.com/recipes/ blackberrysonker.html

Posted by Moonshine | Report as abusive

grab the backhoe and a whole mess of wood its roasted pig in a pit time at shines’ place. With the mystery sonker as a kick for the party !!!!;)

Posted by Wheelz2 | Report as abusive

Moonshine, no zap to you or CG for that little bit of heaven… guess what I am baking this week ;)

Posted by Shra | Report as abusive

Cheers ‘Shine, much obliged. :)

Posted by CrowGirl | Report as abusive

I shall put up a pic on FB, if I get around to making it.. :)

Posted by Shra | Report as abusive

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