Reading in bed just got a lot better…

July 12, 2011

Okay Lamar, your memo said you’ve come up with a  totally new fashion concept in women’s apparel. I’m very excited, so show me what you’ve got.

Okay, Boss!  Presenting, ta-da, The Linger-Read!

The what?

It’s lingerie that you can read, Boss. So if you get bored with your partner, you can at least read what she’s wearing for entertainment.

Are you a total moron, Lamar? What guy gets BORED looking at a woman wearing lingerie?

It’ll be a real turn-on for smart guys, Boss. It’s like, “Wait here, Big Boy, I’m gonna slip into something more educational…”

Lamar, you’ve hit a new low. Today, I’m going to shoot you.

The Linger-Read comes in all the classic books, Boss. Think of the ad slogans. “Surprise the Dickens out of your man…” “Take a Trollope home tonight…”

I’m loading this revolver now, Lamar.

“Give your lover a Tolkien of your affection…” “This is no Catch 22! What the Heller you waiting for?”

I’m cocking the gun now, Lamar!

Maybe you just don’t like the product’s name, Boss. How about The Page-Ama! You know, pajamas with pages?

Damn, why do they put a safety on this stupid gun?

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A model prepares her outfit backstage before the Triumph Inspiration Award lingerie show during the Berlin Fashion Week Spring/Summer 2012 in Berlin July 6, 2011.  REUTERS/Bob Strong

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31 comments

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I think this post blurs the line between education and entertainment! Just sayin’…

Posted by Jibberish | Report as abusive

Now now Mr. B. you know Lamar is just trying to spice things up for ladylala! ;)

Posted by iflydaplanes | Report as abusive

Does it come with “Lady Chatterley’s Lover” on it? :)

Posted by skeres | Report as abusive

C’mon, Blog Guy, no need to get antsy. She’s just using some of that there Body English.

==RED

Posted by REDruin | Report as abusive

Well (Edward) Albee…
…You (Ayn) Rand-y blogger guys must have been perusing the (H.P.) Lovecraft. But I guess if you weren’t, something would be seriously (Kingsley) Amis.

(“Body English”…Good one, RED

Posted by Moonshine | Report as abusive

Brilliant naming and copy, RB!

Reading between the lines, I’m struck by the poetry in motion. I’m thinking of cancelling my speed-reading course, and have discovered that I don’t mind a paper bikini at all.

Please keep publishing all the nudes that are fit to print.

Posted by flamenquito | Report as abusive

I have a feeling there is a Braille version abreast in the literary world..

Posted by Billl | Report as abusive

Is there a karma Sutra edition?

Posted by Nosmo_King | Report as abusive

What novel could be better to read with the Linger-Read than Willi Heinrich’s “Das geduldige Fleisch,” literally, “The Willing Flesh.” Although, the novel’s English translation is titled “The Cross of Iron.”

Posted by DoctorDoll | Report as abusive

Er.. Dr? German literature? German text? Translation? English title? That’s an inch short of pasting a wikipedia article. I keep thinking a smart guy like you must have already planned a defense against Shra, but I’d love to see which one.

Posted by grok | Report as abusive

“Take a Trollope home tonight…”

:)

Posted by CrowGirl | Report as abusive

Thanks, Crow. “Spend a night with a Dumas”?

Posted by rcbasler | Report as abusive

Don’t do it, Spin! Don’t be a bedbug!

Posted by DoctorDoll | Report as abusive

Maybe some Madame Bovary across her ovaries? Unless you prefer Byron or Shelley to cover her belly.

For light reading, a little Stephanie Plum across the bum? Of course, you may prefer Keats on the seat.

Dr. Jekyll & Mr. Hyde down one side? And on the other, if there’s room, a story or two about Edward Bloom.

Do you think there’s a large print edition for the full-figured woman?

Posted by GeorgiaPeach | Report as abusive

Stanger than fiction, as usual. I have great expectations that scarlet letters will soon appear on guy’s pajamas as atonement for the pride and prejudice they’ve demonstrated towardthe women.

Posted by slick9 | Report as abusive

Stanger than fiction, as usual. I have great expectations that scarlet letters will soon appear on guy’s pajamas as atonement for the pride and prejudice they’ve demonstrated towardthe women.

Posted by slick9 | Report as abusive

Ah, my precious Lamar, ever the man of letters. (And I don’t want you envy-riddled bozos starting in with your Sesame St. scoffs.) Remember,his honorary doctorate is in the works.
PS Doc, why is it taking so long? Did you perhaps–how shall I say–misrepresent your academic influence? I cannot believe this.

Posted by ladylala | Report as abusive

@Lady L – Seasame Street???

Seriously?

I think we’re at least worthy of a Dr. Seuss comparison! ;)

Posted by GeorgiaPeach | Report as abusive

@Georgia: Forgive me, Sistah. Wasn’t thinkin’ of you, girl! By jealous bozos I meant the multivarious male faction of the blog that begrudges my Lamar his Renaissance-Man status (including persons who shall remain nameless but keep trying to get him killed). I guess, protectively, I just anticipated his “letters” to be mocked, Sesame St-style. Love addles a girl’s brain, as you know.

Posted by ladylala | Report as abusive

Damn you spam filter….

Posted by fwd079 | Report as abusive

Great comments so far. Allow me to provide some potential tag-lines for this new product line Linger-read…

“With Linger-read, you can bring home the Bacon in a better way!”

“Linger-read: guaranteed to ‘shake’ your spear.”

“Linger-read: Give Pinocchio’s NOSE a rest…”

And the best one, I think:

“Linger-read: Bring on the REAL Hardy Boys”

Posted by Malteser | Report as abusive

Emily Bronte all down the front..
You are all one inch closer to being READ your rights and BOOKED for good.

Posted by Shra | Report as abusive

Does this come in a version for the Kindle?

Posted by Nosmo_King | Report as abusive

Nosmo, where would you put the batteries?

Posted by Malteser | Report as abusive

why not have another haiku:

nothing like a good book,
thought & awe in vain
is there a haines manuel?

Posted by antb | Report as abusive

Ant – I don’t want a Haynes Manual that’s going to distract my mechanic that much!

Posted by CrowGirl | Report as abusive

BG: This has me grinning! Made my day.

Am looking forward to the post of the men’s briefs with one of my favorites on them: “One Door Away from Heaven.” Just thinking about it makes me smile. Though my thoughts have wandered from the literary.

Posted by Onedoor | Report as abusive

Ooooo!!! Loving the way you think One!!

Posted by Shra | Report as abusive

where do you attach the book light?

Posted by GeorgiaPeach | Report as abusive

Right between a story or two about Edward Bloom, me thinks, Georgia.

Posted by Shra | Report as abusive

Haha, good one Spin.

Posted by Malteser | Report as abusive

[...] you said you had a hot new fashion design to show me. I’m skeptical after that nutty lingerie thing a few days ago, but I’m [...]

[...] 2. Reading in bed just got a lot better… [...]