Oddly Enough Blog

News, but not the serious kind

Texting on the lawn, a rough row to mow?

July 13, 2011

This is the season when thousands of people are being injured by doing really stupid things with a dangerous gadget, and I guess nothing can be done about it because it’s probably protected by that Second Amendment.

Naturally, I’m talking about the lawn mower.

According to a shocking new story, people are doing stuff like cutting the grass in flip-flops, drinking alcohol while they mow, and even talking on the phone or texting.

Excuse me? I am not making this stuff up, I swear.

How does talking on the phone while mowing even work?

“Hey Julie, it’s me, Lamar! Yeah, I’m just here VROOOOOOOOOOOMMMMMMMMMMMMMM!!!!!!!!!!!!”

VROOOOOOOOOOOMMMMMMMMMMMMMM!!!!!!!!!!!!”

“Well, I’ll call you again later Julie, when I’m next to the garbage disposal!”

But as stupid as that sounds, it doesn’t begin to compare with the image I have of some idiot mowing his front lawn next to a busy street, and I think about his very last text message ever:

I’m wearin’ my new flip-flops and drinkin’ a beer, and I’m almost done mowin’ my…

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Top and lower right: President George W. Bush operates a stand-on lawnmower during his tour of Wright Manufacturing, which makes the machines, in Frederick, Maryland January 18, 2008.

Right: A Thai-Chinese devotee with a lawnmower pierced through his cheeks joins a rally to mark the annual Vegetarian festival in Phuket province,  October 9, 2005. REUTERS/Sukree Sukplang

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Comments

“… lawnmower pierced through his cheeks ..”
“….Vegetarian festival in Phuket province.”
Something doesnt sound quite right…

Posted by Shra | Report as abusive
 

Well, at least it wasn’t the OTHER cheeks that it was pierced through.

Posted by Nosmo_King | Report as abusive
 

Jinx again, Spinny! Damn, this is getting weird..

Posted by Shra | Report as abusive
 

The very reason for using my lawnmower/garden tractor is to disarm all of the very dangerous Improvised Explosive Dumpage, which are set up to attack my mower blades using Dog Droppage. I MUST stay in contact with Aunty Remus in the command post (inside our house). I MUST have my cell phone primed to do texting, because mowing is too loud to use the voice thingy on my cell phone.

Posted by uncarastus | Report as abusive
 

And if no one understands cheek piercing with a WEED WHACKER, that is because how else could we be controlling a real LAWN Mower at the same time?

Posted by uncarastus | Report as abusive
 

“Chin! There’s a Vegetarian Festival going on right now!”

“But, but, I just got this lawnmower piercing! Can it wait a few hours?”

“No, Chin; the festival ends in an hour; we can’t wait for you.”

“Aw, Phuket; I’ll just bring along the mower.”

Posted by skeres | Report as abusive
 

“devotee with a lawnmower pierced through his cheeks” – things you should have explained in the caption maybe?

I text when I’m on my tractor sometimes. If I’m going slowly. And I don’t have anything drastic attached to the three point linkage.

Posted by CrowGirl | Report as abusive
 

“I’m the Horticultureliator. I’m the plant dude. It’s my job to stop the evil-dooers who would bring harm to this great garden of ours. They are jealous of our ability to plant the marigolds and petunias. I like tulips, tulips are my favorite. Heh heh heh. They have WMDs. That’s Weeds of Mass Destruction. We’re gonna mow ‘em down!

Posted by iflydaplanes | Report as abusive
 

Mr. Cheeks McWhacker just wanted to free up his hands so he could ride the Stander and weed whack whilst texting and eating a burrito at the same time.

He might have to go all kinds of crazy and steer the Stander with his manly bits just to get it all done at the same time, but that’s just one of the many risks he’s willing to take.

Posted by sarabelle | Report as abusive
 

Lawn molar…

Posted by Onedoor | Report as abusive
 

Shocking story indeed, who knew Bush could operate a lawn mower??

Posted by fwd079 | Report as abusive
 

well, Fwd…they did put an arrow on the floor: “This way, sir. No, sir. It’s not a good idea to mow the lawn in reverse. Yessir, it’s certainly more fun. That’s not really the point.”

Posted by GeorgiaPeach | Report as abusive
 

You know fwd, I think you have touched on a very serious issue here.
Bush OPERATING a lawn mower.
Hmm.. I am not sure if the ex-POTUS even knows where the start button is?

Posted by Shra | Report as abusive
 

@GeorgiaPeach: hahaha :D

@Shra: Naaah I am not falling for that trap…some educational talks from and you get to zap me again, never. :P

Posted by fwd079 | Report as abusive
 

…coming in late here (trouble w/ accessing Reuters), but I gotta say, Skeres, “Ah, Phuket….” That’s a good one!

Posted by Moonshine | Report as abusive
 

Oh, Pres. George W., when will you learn it doesn’t pay to clown around? With every success, you just have even larger shoes to fill.

Posted by DoctorDoll | Report as abusive
 

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