Throw it! What are you waiting for?

July 20, 2011

Mr. Blog Guy, let me say we appreciate you cooperating with this Senate investigation into journalistic practices. I know you’re a busy blogger.

Anything I can do to help Senator. I’m happy to testify.

Now, during your years as a wire service reporter, can you give us an idea what your daily expenses were like? Remember, you are under oath.

Sure. On average, I’d spend maybe $2,000 a day on private detectives, $1,400 to buy info from the cops, $800 on rumors from sleazy street criminals and $4.60 for Utz Potato Chips and Hostess Twinkies from the vending machine in our snack room.

So if my math is correct, that’s more than $4,000 a day, is that your testimony Mr. Blog Guy?

Nah, I’m just jerking your chain. I didn’t pay for anything like that, except the junk food.

I see. So, if we DO find that reporters or editors were engaged in hacking of voice messages and other criminal invasions of privacy, should they be punished?

You can line ‘em up against a wall and shoot ‘em for all I care, Senator. They would be an open oozing sore in my profession.

Okay, thank you very much, Mr. Blog Guy. You may step down now and we’ll call the next witness.

Wait just a minute! I was led to believe I’d get a pie in the face if I testified! I specified key lime!

I’m sorry for the misunderstanding Mr. Blog Guy. It’s Wednesday and the Senate Pastry Chef is off today.

So I just wasted my morning here? Can you throw some chocolate chip cookies at me? A doughnut? A few Reese’s Pieces? I was promised free snacks!

Sergeant at Arms, please escort this man from the room.

You just wait’ll I crack your phone messages, Senator! Maybe THEN you’ll manage to find me a pie!

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Top: Wendi Deng lunges towards a man trying to attack her husband, News Corp Chief Executive and Chairman Rupert Murdoch, during a parliamentary committee hearing on phone hacking at Portcullis House in London July 19, 2011. REUTERS/Parbul TV via Reuters Tv

Left: SkyB Chairman James Murdoch, News Corp Chief Executive and Chairman Rupert Murdoch (R) appear before a parliamentary committee on phone hacking at Portcullis House in London July 19, 2011.  REUTERS/Parbul TV via Reuters Tv

Right: For sustenance, chocolate chip cookies are provided for Commander of the U.S. Central Command, Army General David Petraeus, during his hearing on the situation in Afghanistan held by the Senate Armed Services Committee on Capitol Hill in Washington June 16, 2010. REUTERS/Kevin Lamarque

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21 comments

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If he really wanted a pi, he just needed to testify on March 14th.

Posted by skeres | Report as abusive

Very sad news…NOT :D

Posted by fwd079 | Report as abusive

Haha Skeres. I remember making a pie for my math class that day :)

Posted by sarabelle | Report as abusive

Did Murdoch’s wife attend a ninja course? Her lunging powers seem to need a little work. She appears to have paid close attention during the Wild Arm Flailing portion of the class though.

Posted by sarabelle | Report as abusive

Utz potato chips eh? Now there is a man with exquisite taste in snack foods!

Posted by iflydaplanes | Report as abusive

Dang, that chocolate chip cookie looks very good! Do you think that Major Lieutenant Commander General Petraeus would mind if we stole some of them and perhaps dusted them with a generous helping of medicated sprinkles/jimmies/shots?

Posted by Jibberish | Report as abusive

okay seriously, it looks like the guy in the first picture is trying to crawl deep into the guy front of him.

Posted by beerweasel | Report as abusive

I’ve got to hand it to Wendi Deng. I know a lot of people in marriages at that level that would not have budged from their financially stable (with him or without him) chair.

Posted by hmcfabulous | Report as abusive

“Order in the Court!”
“Ham and cheese, ham and cheese, please.”
“Thirty days, Senator.”

Posted by DoctorDoll | Report as abusive

I am loving this whole joyous extensive news issue. It really couldn’t have happened to a nicer man. :)

Posted by CrowGirl | Report as abusive

@hmcfabulous, if she wants to remain in his will she had better darn well get rowdy! lol

Posted by iflydaplanes | Report as abusive

In another life, I used to work for a Murdoch newspaper – It was a bizzare experience, but then again, it WAS a Murdoch property. In keeping with my memory of those times, a pie in the face is actually very appropriate.

Posted by Moonshine | Report as abusive

I feel a sisterly kinship with Wendy Deng. Whenever my Lamar is viciously attacked, I want to lunge to his defense like a she-bear.

Posted by ladylala | Report as abusive

Brits have way more fun in Parliament than we have in Congress. Can you imagine a pie-wielder getting past any of the security on Capitol Hill?

“Oh this? It’s for Speaker Boehner.” “No, I did not just say ‘boner’, you really need to let me in.” And it goes downhill from there….

Posted by Dave_not_dave | Report as abusive

That…is an unfortunately placed bald head.

:/

E.

Posted by egeria | Report as abusive

They should have given David Petraeus some medi-doughnuts instead of cookies, specifically, doughnuts made by the OEB community. I bet they’d make a better job at sustaining him.

Just look what these treats did to us!

Posted by Malteser | Report as abusive

The guy who attacked Murdoch lost his marbles.. :)

Posted by Shra | Report as abusive

@E – He’s a staffer. That’s where it belongs.

Posted by AllThatJazz | Report as abusive

I second that motion jclimacus. Jazz, your comment will have me in stitches all day! Love it!

:D

E.

Posted by egeria | Report as abusive

@Spin, we could probably get a couple Mexicans to help us with that. Heck, they’d probably throw in a couple of Personal Assistants along with them. And a taco.

Posted by Malteser | Report as abusive

Spin, well, people here thought what he did was just tasteless and ineffective…
He atleast should have used real cream pie!

Posted by Shra | Report as abusive