It’s only art, what’s the worst that can happen?
Here’s an actual true news item. Unionized art handlers have been picketing outside Sotheby’s after the auction house locked them out following a drawn-out contract dispute.
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Hey pal, you must be the new poorly trained temporary handler of priceless art, right?
Yeah, you can call me Lamar. Put ‘er there… Oops, well that vase was probably chipped anyway, right?
Yeah, nothing a little Crazy Glue won’t fix, Lamar. So, there’s no real training here, we just kind of fix stuff up so they can get more for it at the auctions.
Yeah, it’s like a big yard sale.
They got any paint around here? I can make that chick’s you-know-what look a lot better, you know what I’m saying? I guess that Picasso guy didn’t get out much with the ladies…
Go for it, Lamar, but first see if you can do something about this Rembrandt painting. It’s way too dark.
Sure. A little Easy-Off Oven Cleaner, that’ll be as bright as new! Oh crap! Was this statue already missing an arm?
Top: The painting “La Lecture” by artist Pablo Picasso is displayed at Sotheby’s auction house in Paris, January 19, 2011. REUTERS/Benoit Tessier
Right: Painting by the artist Rembrandt van Rijn, “Portrait of a Bearded Man in a Red Coat,” was auctioned by Sotheby’s in New York in 1998 for $9.1 million. REUTERS/Handout
Bottom right: A bronze statue of Greek god Zeus in in Rome, November 19, 2010. The bronze statue of Zeus, stolen from a Roman museum in 1988, was traced after appearing in a Sotheby’s auction catalogue in 2006, police said. REUTERS/Remo Casilli