Are you ready, athletes? Blow and go!

August 9, 2011

Blog Guy, you never seem to write much about the sport I participate in, the biathlon.

Sorry, I’ll do that right now. What instrument do you play?

Instrument? What are you talking about?

Sigh. The classic biathlon is a two-part sport. You play a piece on a brass instrument, then you swim 103 miles from Cuba to Florida.

Are you out of your mind?

No. What do you think the biathlon slogan means, anyway? “Play a tuba, swim from Cuba.” Look, here are photos of a recent one. This athlete is just finishing up the William Tell Overture on a trumpet before diving in for her long swim.

Honestly, Blog Guy, I don’t know why I come back here to this crapfest of stupidity! For your information, MY biathlon involves skiing and rifle shooting.

What? So you ski someplace and then stop and shoot? Real bullets? Now THAT would be a pretty fricking bizarre sport!

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Top and right: U.S. swimmer Diana Nyad plays a trumpet before attempting to swim to Florida from Havana August 7, 2011. The 61-year-old plunged into the Straits of Florida at dusk on Sunday to begin what she hopes will be a world record 103-mile swim from Cuba to Florida. REUTERS/Enrique De La Osa

Bottom right: Nyad begins her attempt. REUTERS/Desmond Boylan

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Diana started with a trumpet, not a tuba.
Her crossing to Florida from Cuba.
Alas, she had to stop mid-stream.
Her swim feat extreme.
Or she might have ended in Aruba.

Posted by FriscoJohn | Report as abusive

Lessee … I know!

“Play the clarinet, then swim like a Baronette.”

Posted by skeres | Report as abusive

I can’t believe nobody caught that’s a bugle, not a trumpet. What kind of musical background do those Reuters reporters have, anyway?

Posted by BmwRider | Report as abusive

Uh-Oh, education alert. Watchout for that zapper!

Posted by Jibberish | Report as abusive

Saaayyyy BG, how about an update? Did she make it?

Posted by Dave_not_dave | Report as abusive

I suppose this is some kind of trap, right Dave. Oh well: 9/us-cuba-usa-swimmer-idUSTRE7780ZL20110 809

Posted by rcbasler | Report as abusive

“Honestly, Blog Guy, I don’t know why I come back here to this crapfest of stupidity!” See that’s why blows my mind. A crapfest of stupidity yet there are still things too stupid to put on this blog! 11/08/06/sometimes-the-blog-just-writes- itself/

Imagine the level this blog could elevate to if only the lines were erased from the sand!

Posted by iflydaplanes | Report as abusive

Blog Guy: Please amend my limerick to:

Diana started with a bugle, not a tuba.
Her crossing to Florida from Cuba.
Alas, she had to stop mid-stream.
Her swim feat extreme.
Or she might have ended in Aruba.

Don’t want to offend the brass.

Now she’s resting enroute.
Hung up her swimsuit.
Defeated by sea swell.
On talk shows she’ll tell
Of her latest aqua pursuit.

Posted by FriscoJohn | Report as abusive

Doff of the straw boater for the effort, but:

Playing the bugle
before record breaking feat:
Should have saved her breath.

Posted by AllThatJazz | Report as abusive

Is the Blow and Go like a Stop and Shop for buglers?

Oh, for a Bathlon: where the music is playing in the background and the two parts consist of a bath with choice of bubbles, book or glass of wine. Sigh.

Posted by Onedoor | Report as abusive

I like your idea, much much better, One!
Oh, and I get fresh meat!!
BmwRider, you should have done some research… zapppppp!

Posted by Shra | Report as abusive

If she gives up mid-way, they’d call it a bye-athlon. :)

Posted by Malteser | Report as abusive

She was forced to give up, Malteser, I heard.

Posted by fwd079 | Report as abusive

Thanks for the update fwd. So assuming she completed half of her bi-athlon, what would you call that?

Posted by Malteser | Report as abusive

…And on a similar topic, I once heard of this fellow who wanted to swim across the English channel. Having completed three fourths of the way, he gave up and swam back to England.

Posted by Malteser | Report as abusive