What’s in your artisanal arsenel?

August 10, 2011

Blog Guy, I’m confused. Suddenly I’m seeing the words “artisan” and “artisanal” attached to all kinds of products. Cheeses, chocolates, liquors, soaps… What does it all mean?

That’s easy. It means they can get by with charging a lot more money for that stuff.

Oh yes, I’m bitterly aware these artisanal items carry hefty price tags.  This whole upscale artisan thing has me tempted to just steal the stuff, or maybe burn down the shops.

Careful ace, you’re looking at artisan larceny arson there.

That’s easy for you to say. So you’re buying into this whole artisan craze?

No, I’m artisan non-partisan. Why do you ask?

I’m shopping for some healing artisan oils for my courtesan. She has bad arthritis.

I’m sorry to hear that. Is  your courtesan on cortisone?

Yes. She’s a Descartes scholar, and can barely turn the pages of her Cartesian books.

Does your Cartesian courtesan take her cortesone standing up?

No, my Cartesian courtesan takes her cortesone prone….

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Top: A bottle of rye whiskey is seen at the Corsair Artisan Distillery in Nashville, Tennessee May 9, 2011. REUTERS/Martinne Geller

Right: Australian actress Nicole Kidman arrives for the premiere of the film “Moulin Rouge” at the Odeon Leicester Square in London September 3, 2001. Kidman plays Satine, the ‘Sparkling Diamond’, star of the Moulin Rouge and the city’s most famous courtesan. REUTERS/Ian Waldie

Left: Artisanal soaps are displayed at a traditional soap factory called “Khan al Saboun” in Tripoli’s old souk district November 16, 2008. REUTERS/ Jamal Saidi

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Are we really going to get into word play now?
Why cant puns be shunned!

Posted by Shra | Report as abusive

Shra, there are no puns in this one. Yesterday’s reference to turbot conversions, that would have been a pun. Uh-oh, I think I just taught you something.

http://blogs.reuters.com/oddly-enough/ta g/puns/

Posted by rcbasler | Report as abusive

These artisan wares
cost more than what you buy at
Williams Sonoma!

Pay more for the same stuff: Oddly Enough!

Posted by Malteser | Report as abusive

I also saw a veiled reference to the London riots here… poor sobs. Pity things end up like this sometimes.

If only we could all be more tolerant and discuss problems and mistakes over doughnuts… the world would be a better (and goofier) place to live in. And Prince Charles could be the King of the World.

Posted by Malteser | Report as abusive

Hmmm, so if Ms. Kidman were to reprise her role in a sequel that takes place in a bakery (Boulangerie Rouge), and made a jam-filled pastry, she’d be demonstrating her courtesan tartesan talents. And if I were to eat said pastry on the subway between San Francisco and Oakland, would that make it a BARTisan snack? And if I were to pass gas as a result of said pastry, that would make me an old, nope, not going there. Oh, well. To wash this wordplay away, I suggest some OE artesian bubbly.

Posted by FriscoJohn | Report as abusive

I would raise my tequila shot to you, Malt… hic!

Posted by Shra | Report as abusive

Are Nicole’s cool earring artisanal?

Posted by slick9 | Report as abusive

Really, FriscoJohn, for that gas-passing remark, you should have your mouth washed out with artisanal soap. (Funny thought, though, is it “artisan-al” or “artis-anal”?)

Posted by Moonshine | Report as abusive

Moonshine–only if it’s meticulous Irish pirate soap.

Posted by FriscoJohn | Report as abusive

“He lives in an artesian cottage”.
“Er, I think you mean artisan”.
“Well, it is very damp….”

Posted by CrowGirl | Report as abusive

Nice one, Crow. I was waiting for that.

Posted by rcbasler | Report as abusive

Cheers Shra.

Moonshine..just thank God it’s not “art-is-anal”, and drop it! 😉 The argument I mean, not the soap. You never know…

Posted by Malteser | Report as abusive

@Malt – that reminds me of when Tobias Fünke was a combination analyst and therapist on Arrested Development:

Fünke – No, no, it’s pronounced a-nal-ra-pist.
Buster – It wasn’t really the pronunciation that bothered me.

Posted by GeorgiaPeach | Report as abusive

Haha… poor fellow. He could be a *therapyst* maybe. Would save him the trouble! :)

Posted by Malteser | Report as abusive

Nice, Georgia. Why doesn’t it surprise me that you can quote lines from Arrested Development?

Posted by rcbasler | Report as abusive