News, but not the serious kind
Earn big bucks without knowing anything!
I swear, I don’t know why I keep getting suckered by these lame “list” stories. For instance, Ten Jobs that Don’t Require a Degree.
Please, let me save you the trouble of reading it. Basically, these are 10 jobs that may not require a college degree, but to get them you have to take really crappy entry-level jobs and work your way up, if you live long enough.
Still interested? I will hit the highlights. It says here you can be the captain of a commercial ship, enjoying “long hours of isolation or dangerous conditions.” After sugar-coating the job like that, the story says you don’t get to be a captain right away. No, you have to start as a deckhand.
I’m sure being a professional deckhand is a real chick-magnet, but I’m not settling for the first job on the list.
Let’s see. I can be a manager in the highly respected gaming industry. But it turns out there are only 6,900 jobs in the whole country, and you have to begin as a dealer, “one of the worst-paying jobs in the country.”
Not interested in helping people lose their life savings at blackjack? No problem. Next on the list is police detective, a job they describe as having “one of the highest rates of on-the-job injury and illness.” Cool!
Moving right along, the story says I can be an elevator installer, and “spend hours in a cramped space or hanging in a service shaft,” in a field where “the rate of work-related injury for the occupation is substantially higher than the national average.” Hey, you had me at “service shaft.”
I know you’re already wondering why the hell you wasted four years getting a degree, but there’s even more.
Okay, isn’t there anything I can do without a degree that doesn’t involve danger and other sucky stuff?
Woo-hoo! The story says I can be a commercial airline pilot and make a median income of $103,000! Where do I sign?
Oh. Wait. First I need to learn to fly by joining the Air Force or Navy, so I probably shouldn’t expect my $103,000 right off the bat. And the story says your major airlines do require some college education, but that there are “plenty of smaller companies.”
Yeah, you know, that airline whose ad slogan is, “Ask your pilot if he went to high school!”
Cripes, what a list. So, as a deckhand, will I have to work weekends?
Top: A dealer shuffles cards at the Playboy Club in Las Vegas in a 2006 file photo. REUTERS/Steve Marcus
Right: Story screen grab
Left:A deckhand works on attaching an antenna to the mast of a yacht moored at Sydney’s Cruising Yacht Club of Australia in a 2000 file photo. REUTERS/David Gray
Bottom left: Homer Simpson, a character from the Fox television network animated television series “the Simpsons”, poses as he arrives for a block party on the Fox studio lot in Los Angeles, in a 2005 file photo. REUTERS/Fred Prouser