Earn big bucks without knowing anything!

August 17, 2011

I swear, I don’t know why I keep getting suckered by these lame “list” stories. For instance, Ten Jobs that Don’t Require a Degree.

Please, let me save you the trouble of reading it. Basically, these are 10 jobs that may not require a college degree, but to get them you have to take really crappy entry-level jobs and work your way up, if you live long enough.

Still interested? I will hit the highlights. It says here you can be the captain of a commercial ship, enjoying “long hours of isolation or dangerous conditions.” After sugar-coating the job like that, the story says you don’t get to be a captain right away. No, you have to start as a deckhand.

I’m sure being a professional deckhand is a real chick-magnet, but I’m not settling for the first job on the list.

Let’s see. I can be a manager in the highly respected gaming industry. But it turns out there are only 6,900 jobs in the whole country, and you have to begin as a dealer, “one of the worst-paying jobs in the country.”

Not interested in helping people lose their life savings at blackjack? No problem. Next on the list is police detective, a job they describe as having “one of the highest rates of on-the-job injury and illness.” Cool!

Moving right along, the story says I can be an elevator installer, and “spend hours in a cramped space or hanging in a service shaft,” in a field where “the rate of work-related injury for the occupation is substantially higher than the national average.” Hey, you had me at “service shaft.”

I know you’re already wondering why the hell you wasted four years getting a degree, but there’s even more.

My lack of education can get me a job at a nuclear plant. Hmm, nuclear plant, no college? I have two words for you: Homer Simpson.

Okay, isn’t there anything I can do without a degree that doesn’t involve danger and other sucky stuff?

Woo-hoo! The story says I can be a commercial airline pilot and make a median income of $103,000! Where do I sign?

Oh. Wait. First I need to learn to fly by joining the Air Force or Navy, so I probably shouldn’t expect my $103,000 right off the bat. And the story says your major airlines do require some college education, but that there are “plenty of smaller companies.”

Yeah, you know, that airline whose ad slogan is, “Ask your pilot if he went to high school!”

Cripes, what a list. So, as a deckhand, will I have to work weekends?

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Top: A dealer shuffles cards at the Playboy Club in Las Vegas in a 2006 file photo. REUTERS/Steve Marcus

Right: Story screen grab

Left:A deckhand works on attaching an antenna to the mast of a yacht moored at Sydney’s Cruising Yacht Club of Australia in a 2000 file photo. REUTERS/David Gray

Bottom left: Homer Simpson, a character from the Fox television network animated television series “the Simpsons”, poses as he arrives for a block party on the Fox studio lot in Los Angeles, in a 2005 file photo. REUTERS/Fred Prouser

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19 comments

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D’OH!

Posted by GeorgiaPeach | Report as abusive

Boss: Lamar, go climb up that mast and make sure you yell “Land Ahoy!, when you see land.”
Lamar: Yes boss
*climbs*
Boss: Do you see land…
Lamar: Donno boss, but there is something coming hard and fast at us..
Boss: Lamar, you nerve-wracking bescumber! We are gonna crash into Cuba!
Lamar: Sorry boss, they all look the same to me.. !
Boss: Why you little…
*Lamar and Boss in Bart-Homer choke*

Posted by Shra | Report as abusive

Wait – “Ask your pilot if he went to high school!” Is that the slogan of Basler Air? By the way, if you ever do go to Krasnoyarsk, and you find yourself flying on any airline other than Basler Air, make sure your pilot has a couple of shots of vodka before they take off…. You’re welcome.

Posted by Dave_not_dave | Report as abusive

By the way, another top job you can get with only a High School diploma is explosive ordnance disposal. My favorite t-shirt slogan – front: “EOD Technician”; back: “If you see me running, try to keep up”

“Have a blast. Join the OE Blog Network”

Posted by Dave_not_dave | Report as abusive

Sorry Dave, I believe this is the only beverage allowed on planes out of Krasnoyarsk. And look, this is even an airline portion bottle….

http://blogs.reuters.com/oddly-enough/20 11/08/15/honey-im-on-my-way/

Posted by rcbasler | Report as abusive

Let’s all sing along with Homer:

“I am so smart, I am so smart. S M R T”

Posted by Billl | Report as abusive

Blogger didn’t make the list? ;-)

Posted by justCAM | Report as abusive

That made the “things you can do with an eighth grade education list,” Cam.

Posted by rcbasler | Report as abusive

You certainly don’t need a degree to be Gordon Ramsey.
Others may include:
Crocodile hunter
Bounty Hunter
Treasure Hunter
Rachel Hunter

Posted by Nosmo_King | Report as abusive

“You had me at ‘service shaft’” :-)

What about reality show participants? That must pay OK.

Posted by flamenquito | Report as abusive

“long hours of isolation or dangerous conditions.”

Ooh, hello? Where do I sign up?

Posted by CrowGirl | Report as abusive

When I’m at the Lake and see a freighter out in the channel, I always think about being in the Mercahnt Marine on the Great Lakes and St. Lawrence Seaway. It sometimes seems so appealing for the poetry and loneliness of it. This last trip, I even made such a comment to my son on the beach. He said: “Yeah? What about the winter gales? Wouldn’t they be dangerous?” I truthfully answered “That would be the best part.”

Posted by DoctorDoll | Report as abusive

The resident TAZER specalist is skirting very close to edu-mucatshunal brinkmanship. Inferring Da Boss knows they’re going to crash into a Cuba Libre and Lamar can climb anything higher than a curb.

QUIS CUSTIODET IPSO CUSTODIES!

Posted by ming45 | Report as abusive

Crow, you never cease to impress me. Will you be attending the big Misanthrope of the Year competition next month in the Outer Hebrides? I’ll be there. If you happen to see me, don’t say anything and don’t make eye contact. Rules is rules.

Posted by rcbasler | Report as abusive

No photo of a shiny airplane? This pilot is disappoint.

Posted by iflydaplanes | Report as abusive

Ming, think of Lady, everyone cant dis Lamar you know..

Posted by Shra | Report as abusive

I heard that Reuters are recruiting an Assistant Blogger / Photographer recently. Would that require a college degree?

Posted by Malteser | Report as abusive

I won’t BG, sorry. The Outer Hebrides is a bit too populated for me.

Posted by CrowGirl | Report as abusive

Damn, Crow, you’re way too clever! You’ve already figured out the competition is never won by somebody who shows up….

Posted by rcbasler | Report as abusive