Duchess, the sun never sets on the British vampire…

August 25, 2011

I’ll admit I was skeptical when I saw photos of the cast of yet another TV movie about Prince William and Kate Middleton. Did we really need this? I mean, I guess maybe if they found a dead ringer to play Kate… Nope, that’s not it…

Let’s see, according to IMDB, the movie was shot in ROMANIA? Huh? Well, that’s different. Now I get it! These clever folks have added an element of horror to the story:

* * * * * *

ACT ONE, SCENE ONE

INTERIOR, DUSK, A GOTHIC CASTLE

LIGHTNING FLASHES AT THE WINDOWS

THUNDERCLAPS ECHO THROUGH THE DINING HALL

“I am so glad you and your husband could visit me at my modest home, Duchess. I hope you will enjoy your stay…”

“We’re looking forward to it. William should be arriving here soon, Count Dracu…”

“You may just call me Count, you charming young lady. William should have no difficulty finding the place, there is a full moon tonight. I do hope you like shrimp scampi.”

“Oh YES! With lots and lots of garlic!”

“A pity, we make ours without garlic. I see you are wearing a silver cross on a necklace.”

“Yes, Count, this belonged to the first Queen Elizabeth. It’s 400 years old, and…”

“Please take it off. You have such a lovely neck, my dear, why cover it up?”

“Um, sure, Count. So you said there was something you wished to discuss?”

“Yes, the royal blood line…. But first, some more burgundy, my petite Duchess?”

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Top: Cast members Alice St. Clair and Dan Amboyer pose for a picture as they arrive at the premiere for “William & Catherine: A Royal Romance” in New York City, August 23, 2011. REUTERS/Kena Betancur

Right: Cast member Alice St. Clair poses for a picture as she arrives at the premiere. REUTERS/Kena Betancur

Left: Britain’s Catherine the Duchess of Cambridge during a visit to the Summerfield Community Centre, in the Winson Green area of Birmingham, August 19, 2011. REUTERS/Geoff Pugh/Pool

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15 comments

We welcome comments that advance the story through relevant opinion, anecdotes, links and data. If you see a comment that you believe is irrelevant or inappropriate, you can flag it to our editors by using the report abuse links. Views expressed in the comments do not represent those of Reuters. For more information on our comment policy, see http://blogs.reuters.com/fulldisclosure/2010/09/27/toward-a-more-thoughtful-conversation-on-stories/

Steaks for dinner and stakes for dessert?

Posted by 69Spinster | Report as abusive

I humbly offer a haiku:

A TV movie
With the royals and vampires
Twilight of Britain

Speaking of which, if Bella Swan and the Duchess of Cambridge did battle, who would win?

Posted by 69Spinster | Report as abusive

That woman looks NOTHING like the Duchess. Who did the casting for that movie, Lamar?

Posted by Dave_not_dave | Report as abusive

I was going to say that she had little to fear from the Count, as she was a blue-blood. But she isn’t – she’s regular folk like the rest of us.
Run, Katie, run, as fast as those matchsticks you have for legs will carry you.

As for the TV movie, they even cast an Australian in the role of Prince Chuckles. An Australian! One of those dreadful colonial types who drink too much beer and then use outdoor toilets.
One would not be amused should One ever find out.

Posted by Nosmo_King | Report as abusive

@Nosmo: Maybe the actor is the Coolest Actor Dude. http://blogs.reuters.com/oddly-enough/20 09/08/31/a-winner-in-the-duel-for-cool/

Posted by 69Spinster | Report as abusive

Is it a romantic comedy? I hope the Count finds Kate in a funny vein.

Posted by DoctorDoll | Report as abusive

It is dusk, and the lightning bolt tattoo lays silent on my skin. Held aloft in a stemmed goblet, the ruby red wine keeps me company as thoughts slip like fog through my fingers…

…when is Doc coming in with Act Two for BG’s Gothic thriller?

…why won’t they let me have scissors at work? I promised not to run with them…

Posted by Onedoor | Report as abusive

Really? Really? Onedoor, please don’t encourage Doc…

Posted by rcbasler | Report as abusive

I can’t be friends with anyone who says they don’t like shrimp scampi.

@Dave, you said it. That woman couldn’t look any less like the Dutchess if she was a dude dressed as a woman pretending to be the Dutchess. The other one on the other hand, the woman in the pink dress, is spot on. You can definitely see the likeness in her hips and crook of her elbow.

Posted by iflydaplanes | Report as abusive

One, I’m sort of busy right now, writing a screenplay of my own. It’s inspired by the Queen’s recent encounter with a fishmonger. It’s called “Waiting for Cod, D’oh!” http://blogs.reuters.com/oddly-enough/20 11/05/23/then-the-queen-says-to-this-fis hmonger/

Posted by DoctorDoll | Report as abusive

Fangs for the heads-up Blog Guy. I’ll set my DVR to search and record as soon as it shows up on the schedule, which should be any day now. Short shelf life in the theaters, my bet. In the meantime, I have about 23 others to get to.

Posted by FriscoJohn | Report as abusive

I see they cast someone pretty for Camilla’s role..

Posted by Shra | Report as abusive

@BG: Silly you. Doc doesn’t need any encouragement! I, however, still need scissors. Or maybe a doughnut! Yeah, that’s it! Hurricane Doughnuts, delivered by air for the weekend: Rum rain, sunflower shower, windy walnut. Mmm good!

Posted by Onedoor | Report as abusive

Awwww, all we have on the East Coast of the US are earthquakes and hurricanes. How come we don’t have anything as exciting as vampires?

Posted by 69Spinster | Report as abusive

@ Shra: And that actor they got to play Goofy Prince Charlie looks waaaaayyyyyy too serious

Posted by jclimacus081 | Report as abusive