It’s not even like gambling at all…

August 28, 2011

Blog Guy, I have some extra money this month and I was thinking of trying that online gambling thing. Do you know how it works?

Why sure, you came to the right place. Let’s start with online poker.


I’m dealing each of us a hand right now. Let’s see. You got a pair of queens.

Yay! I’ll bet $200 and I’m calling you. What do you have?

A pair of aces. I win.

But how do I know that?

Here’s a picture of them.

Ah. Okay. Let’s try online roulette. I’m putting $500 on nine red.

Spinning, spinning, clickety-click, clickety-click, slowing down. Damn! You came SO close to winning!

I don’t know about this, Blog Guy. I want to keep betting, but it just seems like there’s a very high element of trust required on my part in this online gambling thing. Do you have anything more transparent?

I sure do. Place your bets. I’m thinking of a number from one to 10….

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Top: A player checks his cards during the finals of the Russian Masters Poker Cup in the casino at the Azov-City gambling zone, south of Russia’s southern city of Rostov-on-Don, September 23, 2010. REUTERS/Vladimir Konstantinov

Left: A roulette table is displayed during the Global Gaming Expo Asia in Macau, June 2, 2009. REUTERS/Bobby Yip

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Request for Urgent Business Help:
Good day,
My name is Bambi and I have won many thousands of dollars in online gambling. Due to my association with a museum and doughnut shop that I cannot name here, I am unable to transfer the funds to my personal account. If you would be so kind as to send a small check that I might use to open an account and transfer the many thousands of dollars, I will share doughnuts, er many thousands of the dollars with you.

Posted by Onedoor | Report as abusive

Huzzah! That’s an instant classic, Onedoor….

Posted by rcbasler | Report as abusive

A friend of mine sold his meat-processing business and invested the proceeds into on-line gambling. He’s the house. Now, he processes people.

Posted by DoctorDoll | Report as abusive

Where the heck was that camera in the first shot? I think the story goes something like this:

“Yeah, I better keep my hands real close to the outside of my cards when I tip them up, Sergey may have x-ray glasses that can see through the back of them…. Say, what’s this little spot on the new tie clasp that Sergey gave me?”

Posted by Dave_not_dave | Report as abusive

Hah. 2011? Tie clasp? That should probably be a tip-off right there.

Posted by rcbasler | Report as abusive

Who could be so gullible? What’s more hackable then eGambling? Maybe eVoting?

Posted by hoopsnake | Report as abusive

My last trip to Las Vegas, I stayed at the Bellagio. I was too busy to play much, but I did have a couple of nice dinners and walks. One night before going out, I rode down in the elevator with a couple in their 60s. The conversation went like this:

Man and Woman enter elevator. They and Doc exchange nods.

Man: “They’re going to draw up the papers.”
Woman: “Scarey business.”
Man: “Not any scarier than gambling. [To Doc]: “How about you, sir, any luck? Are you coming out a head?”
Doc: “I don’t gamble. I draw up papers.”

Posted by DoctorDoll | Report as abusive

@Onedoor: This is uncanny. I just received such an e-mail yesterday, and I sent Bambi a check for US $500.00. For good measure, I sent her my social security number just so that she knows how to find me to send me the dougnuts and money. I expect to hear from her very soon.

Posted by 69Spinster | Report as abusive

Don’t trust Bambi. Ever since his mother died in the forest, he’s been conning people with his friend Thumper. Nasty pair those two.

Posted by Malteser | Report as abusive

I’ll bet you dollars to doughnuts (w/sprinkles) that Bambi and Thumper are working for my sister now. Good deer gone bad.

Posted by justCAM | Report as abusive

Maybe it’s post-Irene side effects, but my head is spinning. How did these posts go from “Aces in the Hole” to “Man is in the Forest” so quickly?

Posted by Moonshine | Report as abusive

I’m picturing this Global Gaming Expo:
Salesperson in booth: Here we have a modernized and updated roulette machine.
Potential buyer: Oh? I’ll give you 10 to 1 odds that it doesn’t sell as well as the old version.

Posted by 69Spinster | Report as abusive

[…] Reuters Blogs (blog) […]

Posted by Expedia prepares for life after Superior Court Judge Doug Pullen leaves bench – Columbus Ledger-Enquirer | Report as abusive

Moonshine, it’s the Bambi cue basically.

Posted by Malteser | Report as abusive

In the MonteCarlo Casino, I was expecting lots of music and all that hullabaloo as they show in the movies..
What I saw instead was amazingly dressed women who were were serious about the roulette table.. and yes, I was looking at the shoes…

Posted by Shra | Report as abusive

@justcam or can we put it another way “bad doe”?

Posted by Wheelz2 | Report as abusive

I got my shot glass roulette re-engineered this week, and it now spins for a sensible length of time. Yay for stray engineers doing voluntary work for whom I’m cooking, and owe me a favour. :)

Posted by CrowGirl | Report as abusive