Oddly Enough Blog

News, but not the serious kind

It’s not even like gambling at all…

August 28, 2011

Blog Guy, I have some extra money this month and I was thinking of trying that online gambling thing. Do you know how it works?

Why sure, you came to the right place. Let’s start with online poker.

Okie-dokie.

I’m dealing each of us a hand right now. Let’s see. You got a pair of queens.

Yay! I’ll bet $200 and I’m calling you. What do you have?

A pair of aces. I win.

But how do I know that?

Here’s a picture of them.

Ah. Okay. Let’s try online roulette. I’m putting $500 on nine red.

Spinning, spinning, clickety-click, clickety-click, slowing down. Damn! You came SO close to winning!

I don’t know about this, Blog Guy. I want to keep betting, but it just seems like there’s a very high element of trust required on my part in this online gambling thing. Do you have anything more transparent?

I sure do. Place your bets. I’m thinking of a number from one to 10….

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Top: A player checks his cards during the finals of the Russian Masters Poker Cup in the casino at the Azov-City gambling zone, south of Russia’s southern city of Rostov-on-Don, September 23, 2010. REUTERS/Vladimir Konstantinov

Left: A roulette table is displayed during the Global Gaming Expo Asia in Macau, June 2, 2009. REUTERS/Bobby Yip

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Comments

Request for Urgent Business Help:
Good day,
My name is Bambi and I have won many thousands of dollars in online gambling. Due to my association with a museum and doughnut shop that I cannot name here, I am unable to transfer the funds to my personal account. If you would be so kind as to send a small check that I might use to open an account and transfer the many thousands of dollars, I will share doughnuts, er many thousands of the dollars with you.

Posted by Onedoor | Report as abusive
 

Huzzah! That’s an instant classic, Onedoor….

Posted by rcbasler | Report as abusive
 

A friend of mine sold his meat-processing business and invested the proceeds into on-line gambling. He’s the house. Now, he processes people.

Posted by DoctorDoll | Report as abusive
 

Where the heck was that camera in the first shot? I think the story goes something like this:

“Yeah, I better keep my hands real close to the outside of my cards when I tip them up, Sergey may have x-ray glasses that can see through the back of them…. Say, what’s this little spot on the new tie clasp that Sergey gave me?”

Posted by Dave_not_dave | Report as abusive
 

Hah. 2011? Tie clasp? That should probably be a tip-off right there.

Posted by rcbasler | Report as abusive
 

Who could be so gullible? What’s more hackable then eGambling? Maybe eVoting?

Posted by hoopsnake | Report as abusive
 

My last trip to Las Vegas, I stayed at the Bellagio. I was too busy to play much, but I did have a couple of nice dinners and walks. One night before going out, I rode down in the elevator with a couple in their 60s. The conversation went like this:

Man and Woman enter elevator. They and Doc exchange nods.

Man: “They’re going to draw up the papers.”
Woman: “Scarey business.”
Man: “Not any scarier than gambling. [To Doc]: “How about you, sir, any luck? Are you coming out a head?”
Doc: “I don’t gamble. I draw up papers.”

Posted by DoctorDoll | Report as abusive
 

@Onedoor: This is uncanny. I just received such an e-mail yesterday, and I sent Bambi a check for US $500.00. For good measure, I sent her my social security number just so that she knows how to find me to send me the dougnuts and money. I expect to hear from her very soon.

Posted by 69Spinster | Report as abusive
 

Don’t trust Bambi. Ever since his mother died in the forest, he’s been conning people with his friend Thumper. Nasty pair those two.

Posted by Malteser | Report as abusive
 

I’ll bet you dollars to doughnuts (w/sprinkles) that Bambi and Thumper are working for my sister now. Good deer gone bad.

Posted by justCAM | Report as abusive
 

Maybe it’s post-Irene side effects, but my head is spinning. How did these posts go from “Aces in the Hole” to “Man is in the Forest” so quickly?

Posted by Moonshine | Report as abusive
 

I’m picturing this Global Gaming Expo:
Salesperson in booth: Here we have a modernized and updated roulette machine.
Potential buyer: Oh? I’ll give you 10 to 1 odds that it doesn’t sell as well as the old version.

Posted by 69Spinster | Report as abusive
 

Moonshine, it’s the Bambi cue basically.

Posted by Malteser | Report as abusive
 

In the MonteCarlo Casino, I was expecting lots of music and all that hullabaloo as they show in the movies..
What I saw instead was amazingly dressed women who were were serious about the roulette table.. and yes, I was looking at the shoes…

Posted by Shra | Report as abusive
 

@justcam or can we put it another way “bad doe”?

Posted by Wheelz2 | Report as abusive
 

I got my shot glass roulette re-engineered this week, and it now spins for a sensible length of time. Yay for stray engineers doing voluntary work for whom I’m cooking, and owe me a favour. :)

Posted by CrowGirl | Report as abusive
 

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