Oddly Enough Blog

News, but not the serious kind

Eating healthy for peanuts?

August 31, 2011

Blog Guy, so we’ve established that you lost some weight recently. I found your health tips helpful, but could you be more specific about what you ate?

Sure. I ate everything with a pulse.

So you went on an all-meat diet?

No, no, I mean pulse as in the edible seeds of certain legumes. Peas, beans, lentils, peanuts. VERY healthful stuff.

Oh right. I saw that movie “Lentil,” with Barbra Streisand.

That was YENTL. Try to focus here. Look, I’m talking about a legume.

Like when you dig up a dead body?

No. You EXHUME a body that has no pulse.

Pulse? The edible seeds of certain legumes?

Sigh. Let me make this simple. You should just use healthful ingredients. For instance, this author on the left has done a new cookbook called “Peas and Thank You.”

So there is a connection between healthy eating and puns?

There may be. The point is, you should use good stuff, like bulgur wheat…

Yes! I read about that Whitey Bulger guy!

Look, I’m getting nowhere here. You seem like the dimwitted neighbor in a bad sitcom.

See here! I don’t have to take insults like that, Blog Guy! I’m writing to your boss to complain! How should I address him?

Just start with “Legume it may concern…”

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Top: First lady Michelle Obama holds a bean harvested from vegetables grown in her garden at the White House in Washington June 16, 2009.  REUTERS/Jonathan Ernst

Left: Cookbook author Sarah Matheny in an undated file photo. Matheny’s cookbook, “Peas and Thank You: Simple Meatless Meals the Whole Family Will Love,” was published August, 2011. REUTERS/Brie Mullin/Handout

Right: Former mob boss and fugitive James “Whitey” Bulger, who was arrested in Santa Monica, California on June 22, 2011, is seen in a booking mug photo released to Reuters on August 1, 2011. REUTERS/U.S. Marshals Service/U.S. Department of Justice/Handout

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Mr B, I have tried to incorporate peanuts into my diet. It turns out, that is not the best idea that I have ever had.

Yes, according to Racael Ray, peanuts are ‘delish.’

However, for some reason, looking like Mr Peanut is not what I am aiming for. Just saying.

Posted by uncarastus | Report as abusive

Is there even a gram of truth in this post?

Posted by 69Spinster | Report as abusive

Was Michelle posing for a cookbook?

Posted by Shra | Report as abusive

Blog Guy, are you trying to find out if your commenters have a pulse?

Posted by 69Spinster | Report as abusive

I practically live on a diet of peanut butter and hummus. But I don’t eat them at the same time.

Are you saying that I’ve bean a health nut this whole time?

Posted by 69Spinster | Report as abusive

Legume it may concern:

The blogging employee of Reuters known as Robert Basler, hereafter referred to as “Blog Guy,” has created a problem of inefficiency in the worldwide workplace. From Malta to Arizona, Texas to New York, Wales to Ireland, and many other places, the Blog Guy has many of his readers laughing and commenting on the Oddly Enough blog the entire day.

In fact, his readers often spend time trying to come up with advertising slogans for why others should join the Oddly Enough blog network.

This creates much inefficiency in the workplace and might have contributed to the economic downturn. That, and some ridiculous policies and procedures in the political and financial world.

I wonder, Boss of Blog Guy, if you might pass on some commentary to him in this safe link? http://xkcd.com/741/


Posted by 69Spinster | Report as abusive

I eat my peas with honey,
I’ve done it all my life;
It makes them taste quite funny,
But it keeps them on the knife.

Posted by Nosmo_King | Report as abusive

Personally, I think that Peanuts has gotten pretty stale ever since Charles Schultz died…

Posted by AllThatJazz | Report as abusive

@ Nosmo: I learned that one from my Grandpa! Thanks for the memory!

Posted by AllThatJazz | Report as abusive

An item always in my desk is a jar of peanut butter, for days like today when I have to choke down lunch in a jiffy.

Posted by DoctorDoll | Report as abusive

Or lunch in a Jif…

Posted by rcbasler | Report as abusive

Michelle seems to be in need of a martini along with her pea pod …

Posted by slick9 | Report as abusive

Well who wouldn’t be, Slick?

Posted by rcbasler | Report as abusive

Blog Guy and @Doc: Skippy to the good part of the story!

Posted by 69Spinster | Report as abusive

Spinni, not even a dram!

Mr Blog Guy, you are such a boss dude, your frickin’ A, Skippy!

Shra, Michelle IS a poser!

King of the Nosmos (which is kind of like the Cosmos, but not really), the Three Stooges Man Amongst Men Curly, ate his peas with a butter knife!

Jazzy Jazz, King of Jazz, Peanuts was down in readership in this household, by one, for a long time before he went to that Great Pumpkin in the Sky!

Doctor Doll (who is actually Barbies plastic surgeon), I eat handfuls of crunchy type Skippy for dinner, in a crunch!

Slick, Slick Slick, What is wrong with drinking when ever Michelle is appearing in public, or even while alone?!?

Now, my computer has run out of exclamation points. Good thing, right?

Posted by uncarastus | Report as abusive

As long as Simple Meatless Meals the Whole Family Will Love includes bacon I am willing to give it a shot.

“It’s worth a hill of beans! Join the Oddly Enough blog network!”

Posted by iflydaplanes | Report as abusive

Those that consume
This Blogged legume
Find that they will pass
Atmosphere of a different class.
Ahhhhhh, ’tis no perfume.

Posted by FriscoJohn | Report as abusive

O I think that I shall never see
A food as lovely as the pea
All steamed so nice
Or cooked with rice
All legumes are fine
When paired with wine
So I think its high time
For lentils with thyme
So I shall end this rhyme.

Posted by jclimacus081 | Report as abusive

@FriscoJohn: Add about 37 more lines to that (for a total of 42, of course!) and you’d have the makings of real Vogon poetry!

Posted by AllThatJazz | Report as abusive

LOL, Frisco!!!
I almost laughed out loud and that would have sounded creepy in a yet-to-fill-up office..

Posted by Shra | Report as abusive

Oh and Spin, I gotta zap ya for that wiki reference, girl!

Posted by Shra | Report as abusive

There’s no pea like snow pea,
Unless you’re Charles Schulz
and then it’s Snoopy.

Cue the Happy Dance!

Posted by FriscoJohn | Report as abusive

@Shra: Man, oh, Manischewitz, not another zap. These are getting a bit, um, unpleasant.

I added it because only you would have gotten the pun otherwise. I didn’t want to waste a comment.

Did I teach anything? No.

But… To keep the topic moving forward (for all you architecture fans):

If we were to take these pulses and build something, we could use post-and-lentil construction methods.

Posted by 69Spinster | Report as abusive

@Slick…by the look in those bloodshot eyes, FLOTUS had already knocked back a few. And who is she threatening with that little ol bean remnant anyway?

Posted by Moonshine | Report as abusive

You sooooo did, Spin! And you made my mouth water!

Posted by Shra | Report as abusive

Person 1: Is that a pulse that you *bought*?
Person 2: Nah, it’s only a lentil…

Posted by 69Spinster | Report as abusive

Hey, folks. Let’s compile a list of famous characters that have legumes in their names:
Mr. Bean
Mr. Peanut

Can you think of any others?

Posted by 69Spinster | Report as abusive

My favorite famous character would be Alfalfa. Not pulse, but a legume.

Posted by DoctorDoll | Report as abusive

My favourite would be Lupin the Third (Japanese anime character). I’d attach the wiki link to “lupins” but that would earn me a zap and I’ve already teased Shra for a zapping earlier today, so I won’t fall for it this time.

Posted by Malteser | Report as abusive

@Doc and @Malt: Fantastic puns and references! Thanks for playing.

How about the baby in Popeye, Swee’ pea? (I know about the flower. Really, I do.)

Posted by 69Spinster | Report as abusive

I know a fish, but not a legume :(

Posted by Shra | Report as abusive

As for pulse, what do I make for dinner tomorrow?

Option 1: Barbequed shrimp, red beans and rice, green salad, Gew├╝rztraminer?

Option 2: Barbequed spare ribs, black-eyed peas, collard greens, pilsner?

Please let me know your thoughts.

Posted by DoctorDoll | Report as abusive

@Doc: Nuts! I can’t decide. Are we all invited over? In the second option, will they be singing “I Gotta’ Feeling”?

Posted by 69Spinster | Report as abusive

We’re going with Option 2, Spin. We’re having fresh sweetcorn, too. My brother Jeff and his wife are coming over and bringing the sweetcorn (from his patch) and beer. So, the beer will be a lager, even though I’m a pilsner person myself. It’s at times like these that I wonder how the two of us came out of the same family.

Posted by DoctorDoll | Report as abusive

What d’you get when you cross
a sweetpea with a lentil?

Say what, genius?
Who do I look like, Gregor Mendel?

Don’t be recessive! Dominate your friends
with the OE Blog Network

Posted by jclimacus081 | Report as abusive

Mind your peas and Qs, Xs, and Ys. Join the Oddly Enough blog network.

Posted by 69Spinster | Report as abusive

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