Oddly Enough Blog
News, but not the serious kind
Repeat after me, “Fill the bag with money!”
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Blog Guy, you know that odd city in Siberia that you call Wackytown? I’d like to visit it on one of your organized tours, but I’m wondering how many people there speak English?
You’re talking about Krasnoyarsk. I do know they do have English Language classes at a high security prison camp.
Really? What sort of English are they teaching to prison inmates?
Well, here on the right is a chart used in the class. You can see useful words such as disarrange, unhappy, misinform… You know, as in, “If you misinform me I will be unhappy, and I shall have to disarrange your face!”
Yikes! Is that a good idea? Are they teaching them whole phrases, too?
Let’s blow up a section of the chart, and see. Class, repeat after me, “Must I go to the BANK? We haven’t got any MONEY.”
No way! They’re not teaching hardened felons to say that!
They are. Um, looking ahead at the next poster I see, “We can do this the easy way or the hard way,” and “Who set off that alarm?”
OMG! And what about the poster after that?
Uh-oh. “Somebody mop up that blood, I have a planeload of tourists to meet!”
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Prison inmate attends an English language class during the first day of lessons in a school at a high security prison camp outside Russia’s Siberian city of Krasnoyarsk, September 1, 2011. REUTERS/Ilya Naymushin
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You are misleading your audience with the misconceptions, inconsistencies and unpleasantries you present in your dishonest blog, Blog Guy! These fellows learn English the proper way.
I has been there for a little lessons and I was thought the language to hi standards.
Wacky Town, er, I mean Krasnoyarsk should be depicted better! I’m still waiting for your Miss Wacky Town contest!
This reuters photographer, Ilya Naymushin, is he/she from WackyTown?
Do you think Reuters could employ all of us as photographers?
Не стреляйте. Я канадец.
Comes in handy.
Frisco, that better not be some Russky code you’re using to communicate with the enemy…
…and even worse, Frisco, it had better not be edumacationable. (Shra?)
Oh my… SHOOT the… Oh no, Frisco…
…not the CANADIAN!
The poster has “disjoin,” “disagree,” “disappear,” “unsure,” “uninteresting,” and “unclean.”
“Sergei, can you use these in a sentence?”
“Yes, instructor Lamar, I can. If you disagree with me, I will disjoin your knees from the rest of your body and disappear. If you are unsure, you can look at the unclean pool of blood that this act leaves behind. Or do you find this talk uninteresting?”
…quick note to all my OE Blog buddies….
We are off vacationing (and for the first time in TOO MANY YEARS, it’s just me and my husband)…back on the 12th.
What? Without filling out the OE vacation form and sending it in to Lamar for approval? Have a great time anyway!
Nyet, Moonshine. You’ve got it reversed.
@Moonshine: There’s a Mr. Moonshine, too? Ah, have a wonderful time.
I have heard that Lamar sometimes forgets to give the vacation forms to the Blog Guy. He uses the backs of them as scracth paper when coming up with great ideas for saving money on fashion shows.
When Lamar turns the paper over to keep his ideas a secret, the Blog Guy walks by Lamar’s desk and sees the vacation request form.
Have a lovely time, Moonshine!
Say BG, is this a good time to apply for my vacation?
No, Lamar says you’ve used up all your vacation through 2015…
The wonders of correctional facilities, I wish I imagine and I wonder.
@fwd: Ah, the irony that this is a correctional facility with incorrect English language lessons.
I mean, where would we be if the song said
Yes, we haven’t got any bananas
We haven’t got any bananas today
Teaching English to
inmates. Just the latest from
good ol’ Wackytown!
You think the vacation paperwork is bad? Try asking the Blog Guy for a raise. Lamar gave me the starter kit, it goes like this:
We thank you for your misinformed request for an increase in pay from the OE Blog. To disabuse you of certain misnomers, impossible assumptions, or unclear mistakes, we invite you discover the following material and complete it in triplicate. We regret any unhappy or uninteresting misunderstangings that may arise from your inquiry into your compensation from the blog. Please refer yourself to Article 439 of section 14, subparagraph 7 for our disjoined and somewhat unclear arbitration policy. Any deviation from the involved proceedure will result in your request to disapear, and may result in an unpleasant visit from Ms. Fekrat and Mr. “Toilet Head” Johnson in our Disgruntled Commentor and Complaint Department.
Signed, Lamar
Deputy Director of Inhuman Resources
@jclimacus: I had no idea that Lamar was outsourcing the creation of letters and forms to Krasnoyarsk. This might be a big scoop item for Reuters news. OK, maybe news, but not the serious kind.
@Spin. No wonder BG didn’t get the form I (wink, wink) filled out – Lamar routed it through WackyTown and I’ll be back at the keyboard before BG even sees it. Too bad I let the news out too soon. Later!
They should be learnin’ txt spk, so dey can haz talk wid da yung peeps.
How about a haiku:
Want to learn English?
Knock over Wackytown bank
Free lessons with chart.
This would make a good reality show … I’m mean the OE blog. I want Harrison Ford to play me.
@justCAM: …and your sister?
I see. You all believe Russians are nogoodniks, right? What I have heard is more on the following lines:
“Hello, Mr or Mrs or Ms or Mz Miss Capitalist swine, you will kindly unload your pockets, billfolds, purses, and/or money belts into my rather proletarian paper sack. You must be quick, because I am no longer a slave to socialism! Now! Empty your filthy lucre into this bag, because I must feed my sickly mother! Ah, thank you so much! Dosvedanya, my American tovarisch!”
@Moonshine, enjoy the vacation! Take lots of pics! Oh wait, no don’t take pics. Well take pics just of ya know, outside stuff. I mean take any pics you want but only show us the pics of the outside stuff not…..ya know what? Just have a good time ok?
Any day now Krasnoyarsk is gonna make it into the tag cloud. When it does can we throw a party or something? Or at least be able to act wacky at work without being sent to the bosses office? Or in Nosmos case, hell?
Have a great trip Moonshine (and Mr. Moonshine.) – BG – I shall not be taking a vacation this year, although I am moving to a different state (of confusion?) I shall endeavor to read every post and comment whilst in transit. Have a great weekend, Y’all
So, I hopes you are having the happy vacation, Moonshine. Maybe, someday, you may vist my country (Ohio).
@Spin: Indeed…
Blog guy, but its my annual vacation!!! Oh please please please!!
Okay, Shra, I’ll leave a note for Lamar. He’s very efficient…
You are doing no such thing… next thing I know Lamar would show up at my door and I would be taken to some deep dark dungeon, blindfolded that too, where all I would be able to hear is the clicking of keyboard keys and feel something furry rub against my legs….
Sounds fun Shra. Just don’t forget your taser gun.
@Shra: Sounds like my last family reunion.