Cocktails with Miss Universe, sir?

September 7, 2011

Blog Guy, I don’t see how you can cover Miss Universe year after year. It’s so boring, it never changes!

That’s where you’re wrong. Compared with the old days, the modern pageant is much more complex and demanding.

Really? Like how?

Look at this top photo. Contestants have security drills, learning to leave the stage gracefully in an emergency. These women are being chased by a deranged man with a chainsaw, but they’re just holding on to each other and dancing off the stage. THAT’S poise!

That is impressive. What else do they have to do these days that is so difficult?

Well, here are some good examples. One contestant is selecting the best possible melon, and she will be graded on her choice.

Blog Guy, that’s a fricking coconut, not a melon!

Yes, but she’ll still beat the contestants who came back with basketballs and fireplace logs. Next to her is a contestant who will mix some festive evening cocktails for us, using these small airline-size liquors she selected.

That’s tanning oil in those bottles, Blog Guy. Not liquor.

I know. Just PRETEND to sip it. Here on the right, this young lady is practicing her talent act for the pageant, a classical piece on the cello…

It’s a ukulele, Blog Guy.

Okay, THAT’S enough! It’s churlish pedants like you who spoil this fine pageant for the rest of us!

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Top: Miss Universe 2011 contestants enjoy a samba dance class at the Vila Maria samba school in Sao Paulo September 4, 2011. REUTERS/Patrick Prather/Miss Universe Organization, L.P.

Combo left: Miss Chile 2011 Vanessa Ceruti chooses a coconut after a bicycle ride from Parque das Bicicletas to Ibirapuera Park in Sao Paulo August 28, 2011. REUTERS/Richard D. Salyar/Miss Universe Organization, L.P. LLLP/Handout

Combo right: Miss Universe Australia 2011 Scherri-Lee Biggs poses for a photo at a swimming pool at Casa Grande Hotel in Guaruja, August 30, 2011. REUTERS/Patrick Prather/Miss Universe Organization, L.P. LLLP/Handout

Right: Miss Universe Thailand 2011 Chanyasorn Sakorchan plays a ukulele at Casa Grande Hotel in Guaruja, August 30, 2011.  REUTERS/Darren Decker/Miss Universe Organization, L.P. LLLP/Handout

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It cracks me up that they are always wearing their sashes. Makes you wonder if they sleep, swim, travel, etc. while wearing their sashes.

Posted by 69Spinster | Report as abusive

I humbly offer two haiku:

Pageant contestants
In many competitions
May the best one win

Choosing a melon
Dancing, playing the cello
Stiff competition

Posted by 69Spinster | Report as abusive

Shra will be happy;
The guys will be delighted:
A good blog for all?

Shoes, clothes and hats too;
And ‘melons’, of the fruit kind -
Unlike Pamela’s*!

[This Pamela, that is:] 10/11/22/can-i-have-a-beer-first-doctor/

Posted by Malteser | Report as abusive

Looking at Miss Chile, I realize that, when riding my rocking Jamis Ventura, I should forego the ponytail with my cycling helmet, wear a sash, bare my midriff, and not sport a cycling jersey. Silly me.

Posted by 69Spinster | Report as abusive

Is a white cycling helmet the same as a white hat?

Posted by 69Spinster | Report as abusive

Hmmm… interesting shoes I say :)

Posted by Shra | Report as abusive

“Downunder” here I come… :D :D

Posted by fwd079 | Report as abusive

It’s good to see that the coconut juggler has proper safety gear on!

Music, sports and dance
all the contestants strut their
stuff for the judges

Posted by AllThatJazz | Report as abusive

Someone should tell Miss Thailand that it helps to pick or strum the strings to get music out of her ukelele.

And good for Miss Chile. The cyclists I know always have a coconut or two after a demanding bike ride…

Posted by slick9 | Report as abusive

No doubt slick, that bloke behind Miss Thailand appears to be adjusting his hearing aid.

Posted by jclimacus081 | Report as abusive

What is the air speed
Of coconut-laden Miss
Chile – Universe?

Bicycle instead
of coconut hooves–clip clop!
Whoa Vanessa Whoa!

Find a spatula
For their next audition at
Restaurant Pageant.

Posted by FriscoJohn | Report as abusive

We just can’t stay away from Monty Python, can we?

Posted by rcbasler | Report as abusive

YOU were the one that posted the pic of the coconut.

Nobody expects the OEBlog Inquisition!

Posted by FriscoJohn | Report as abusive

So would that be the restaurant at the end of Miss Universe?

Posted by Nosmo_King | Report as abusive

Vanessa fair lass
With Miss Chile sash,
Took a bicycle hike
With a coconut she like
Before the Miss Universe Bash.

It leads us to wonder
If the contestant from Down Under
Miss Scherri-Lee Biggs
If tanning oil she really digs,
How she put the rest asunder.

Which leads to a rebuke
From Miss Thailand’s uke.
Ah poor Miss Chanyasorn,
Her fingers are worn.
From all the energy it tuke.

Posted by FriscoJohn | Report as abusive

You’re new here, Frisco, so I’m not sure you know. This blog doesn’t take much to ukuleles. 09/05/06/rich-guy-forces-ukes-on-helples s-world/

Posted by rcbasler | Report as abusive

Well, I for one refuse to call it the “Miss Universe Pageant” until we allow extra-terrestrials to compete.

I do like melons though…

Posted by hoopsnake | Report as abusive

“We just can’t stay away from Monty Python, can we?”

yes, Mr. B, and we’re gonna beat that coconut-clopping horse till it drops, not to mention laden swallows, witch hunts and anything else we can get our giant rabbit fangs into

Posted by jclimacus081 | Report as abusive

I know for a fact, Spin, that beauty-pageant winners do not always wear their sashes. Back in my youth, I dated the Tomato Queen….

Posted by DoctorDoll | Report as abusive

Sorry, Mr. B. about the ukelele remark.

I shall now go find work as a Hungarian census taker. 7/us-census-sexy-idUSTRE7865QZ20110907.

Posted by FriscoJohn | Report as abusive

Thanks, Frisco. Lots more about the Hungarian census first thing tomorrow, I promise…

Posted by rcbasler | Report as abusive

I need to catch up on Monty Python.. but only after I finish with the Hitchhiker…

Posted by Shra | Report as abusive