How I spent my macho vacation…
Blog Guy, I need some of your famous travel advice. I’m a fairly dimwitted guy who never really grew up. Life hasn’t gone my way, and I need an experience to make me feel like I’m somebody.
So you’re looking for something you can brag about on Facebook, no matter how shallow it is, to keep your pathetic imitation of life going for another year?
This is your lucky day. We’ve just published a list of “extreme holiday adventures.” And by “extreme” I think we just mean very, very sad.
Bring ‘em on!
Okay, how about a “mountain safari,” in a helicopter whizzing right past lofty peaks that other people have actually climbed. Our story says it seats only two guests, and is “a downright romantic trip, allowing you to score major points with your girlfriend while conveniently involving superslick machinery.”
Blog Guy, if I could actually get a girlfriend would I be looking at vacations like this?
No, I guess not. Then how about driving a tank? The story says, “every guy’s secret desire is to crush vehicles with even bigger vehicles.” Building on that offensive Neanderthal cliché, this adventure lets you “obliterate anything lying in the path…”
Woot! How macho would THAT be?
Well, probably a little more macho if it wasn’t in Minnesota, which it is. You know, some folks actually drive tanks in places where there is a war going on. I’m just sayin’.
Right. What else do you have?
That could be VERY cool! Would you try that one with me, Blog Guy?
Not on your life. It involves something I’ve never done before and will never, ever do, as long as I live. No way, no how…
Really? Which thing? High-falling? Stunt-fighting? Being set on fire?
No. Going to Las Vegas.
Top: A tank burns by the roadside after heavy fighting in Ivory Coast’s main city Abidjan, April 5, 2011. REUTERS/Emmanuel Braun
Left: A senior Indian army officer aboard a helicopter points towards the mountainous area where the army fought a week-long gun battle with separatist militants in Chhamar Sar, October 3, 2008. REUTERS/Fayaz Kabli
Right: A reporter leans over the edge of the catwalk during the media preview for the “EdgeWalk” on the CN Tower in Toronto, July 27, 2011. REUTERS/Mark Blinch
Bottom right: Tourists are photographed by a friend as they ride the X-Scream thrill ride, 866 feet above the Las Vegas Strip, at the Stratosphere Tower in Las Vegas, Nevada March 20, 2009. REUTERS/Steve Marcus