Paris, couldn’t ya just wear gloves?

September 23, 2011

Johnson, get in my office! You call yourself a news photographer?

What did I do this time, Boss?

I sent you to cover that Paris Hilton event where she’s pushing her line of shoes, but I told you NOT to make it look like free publicity. You know, it has to seem newsworthy.

After all, she is one of the 10 most hated people in America, AND she’s just trying to sell shoes.

It was tough, Boss. Every time I pointed my camera she held up a shoe and smiled, or crossed her long legs so her shoes were in the shot. I mean, normal people don’t just smile and hold up shoes, do they?

That’s a good point, Johnson. Maybe we can go for a tragic human interest angle here. You know, we’ll say she’s deranged.

Well, I did take the photos with de rangefinder camera, Boss. Get it? De rangefinder?

Shut up, Johnson. Yeah, I think presenting her as totally pathetic will work. I hope you worded your captions very cautiously, Johnson?

You bet, Boss. I just said, “Paris Hilton poses to promote her shoe line.”

JOHNSON! Come over here right now! And bring de rangefindeer!

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Paris Hilton poses to promote her shoe line during a news conference in Istanbul September 22, 2011. Hilton is in Istanbul to promote the Paris Hilton Footwear Line Collection. REUTERS/Murad Sezer

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Don’t you see Blog Guy, she’s just finally taking your advice and is trying to Get Smart.

Posted by Nosmo_King | Report as abusive

Paris, have you thought about seeing a doctor about those strange growths on your hands — especially the one that looks like a leopard cub?

Posted by 69Spinster | Report as abusive

Come over for the shoes, stay for the news. Join the OE blog network.

Posted by Dave_not_dave | Report as abusive

Ah, BG, this is just plain pandering to Shra and her love of, dare I say it?, shooooooooeeeeeees.

Posted by FriscoJohn | Report as abusive

If you want to do a story about far worthier shoes, check out 2/us-finearts-wizardofoz-idUSTRE78L66O20 110922

Posted by FriscoJohn | Report as abusive

Blog Guy, can you settle a bet I have with my personal trainer’s philatelist? I say that the leopard cub in Paris’s hand slashed her shirt sleeve. The philatelist says that she bought the blouse that way. Who is right? By the way, the philatelist said that he would put a stamp of approval on whatever answer you gave.

Posted by 69Spinster | Report as abusive

What’s the matter, Paris…the Mall of the Americas isn’t good enough for you and your shoes? Oh wait, I get it – being one of the 10 Most Hated People in America, she had to go to Istanbul to promote her shoes.

Posted by Moonshine | Report as abusive

Wear her MockingSins!
Paris Hilton selling shoes.
A waste of pixels.

Posted by FriscoJohn | Report as abusive

Shooooooooooooooooooooeeeeeeeeeeesssssss sssssssssssssss!!

Posted by Shra | Report as abusive

Dear Istanbul:
Please keep her.

Thank you.

Posted by GeorgiaPeach | Report as abusive

BG, she could never get a glove over that ring.

Posted by Billl | Report as abusive

@FriscoJohn: Thanks for sharing that link. $2-3 million for THE ruby slippers? Manolo Blahnik, eat your heart out. $2,000 for a pair of your boots is nothing compared to this.

Posted by 69Spinster | Report as abusive

The caption, “Paris Hilton poses to promote her shoe line during a news conference in Istanbul” cracks me up. I’m picturing the Prime Minister of Turkey in some news conference, discussing some fiscal measures or the country’s economic state, and Paris Hilton walks in and says, “Oh, hi! Have you seen my new shoe collection?”

Posted by 69Spinster | Report as abusive

I’m with Georgia. :)

Posted by CrowGirl | Report as abusive

A tune for a Friday afternoon
with (a lot of) help from Carly Simon

We’ll always have Paris (unfortunately)

You walked onto the runway
Like you were walking on your yacht
Your hand held up a leopard clog
While your toadies found their spots
You had one eye in the camera
As you watched yourself gavotte
And all the girls dreamed
But nobody likes you,
No, nobody likes you, and….

You’re a pain
You probably think this blog is about you
You’re a drain
I’ll bet you think this pome’s about you
Don’t you? Don’t you?

You know you’re not so popular
As celebutantes go
Johnson’s got a thing for you
But what the fig does he know?
He can’t tell “de rangefindeer”
From a telescopic long bow
They must like you there in Istanbul
Just don’t hurry home, no, no!
Now your look’s a bit unhinged
As you plug another show, and…

You’re insane
You probably think this blog is about you
You’re deranged
You’re shoes in place but no one’s home
Not home! Not home!

Posted by jclimacus081 | Report as abusive

Tragic yes, but not many humans are gonna have much interest though.

Posted by iflydaplanes | Report as abusive

jclimacus081 – great! :)

A new line of shoes:
It’s Paris in Instanbul
Her next stop: Kabul?

Posted by Malteser | Report as abusive

Checking back in a little late –
Jclimacus081, that was truly inspired. I think Carly wold be very proud of you!

Posted by Moonshine | Report as abusive


A new Orient Express.
Hope she takes the train

Posted by jclimacus081 | Report as abusive

thanks Moon :-)

Posted by jclimacus081 | Report as abusive