When animals know all our secrets…

September 23, 2011

Blog Guy, my tax guy’s taxidermist told me something really creepy. He has close ties to the animal kingdom.

You mean from stuffing and mounting them?

Yeah. And he said animals are spying on humans, building up huge dossiers. He says ducks are the worst.

I think that’s a canard.

Blog Guy, are you ever going to get over the fact that the word “canard” is duck in French, but a false rumor in English?

Probably not. Look, some of this animal spying stuff may be true. It’s well known that chimpanzees conducted the 2010 census and know everything about us. Maybe the chimps sent some ducks out for a gander.

Out for a gander, huh? But doesn’t it surprise you that they would choose ducks to be their spies?

Nah, ducks were notoriously nosey even back when I lived in Asia. You’ve never heard of peeking duck?

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A duck is seen as demonstrators gather during a student rally against the government’s public education system in Santiago city September 22, 2011. The students are demanding for free and better state education, as well as for an end to profit-making in the public education system. REUTERS/Ivan Alvarado

A chimpanzee looks through a window at Gut Aiderbichl’s Sanctuary for Traumatized Chimpanzees and other Primates in Gaenserndorf, 50 kms (31 miles) northeast of Vienna, September 14, 2011.  After three decades in captivity in tiny cages, 38 former laboratory chimpanzees were released to the new Gut Aiderbichl animal sanctuary, where they can spend the rest of their lives in peaceful retirement.   REUTERS/Herwig Prammer (A


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What’s better than a blog post with funny animal photos? A blog post with funny animal photos and fantastic puns.

In fact, I’m going to write a haiku about it:

Monkeying around
It is not monkey business
They’re serious spies

Posted by 69Spinster | Report as abusive

Believe me, I know ducks – and that’s no canard. That guy better back off or he’s going to get an eyeful of duck doo.

Posted by Moonshine | Report as abusive


Posted by Billl | Report as abusive

I’ve always had a sneaking suspicion about the local squirrels and pigeons. Just a little too bit curious they are.

Posted by FriscoJohn | Report as abusive

You know, that duck might get snatched and put into a burlap bag, if he is not careful..
Kidnapping happens a lot to spies….

Posted by Shra | Report as abusive

so what exactly is the duck protesting?

Posted by GeorgiaPeach | Report as abusive

The duck probably thinks it’s a doctor, but it’s really a quack.

Posted by 69Spinster | Report as abusive

Well of course, ducks have famously been directors of human activity throughout the course of history. I give you:
Mao Tse Duck
King Richard the Mallard-heart
Che Duckverra
Bill Clinton

Pictured above is the head of Wikileaks, Julian a L’orange

Posted by Nosmo_King | Report as abusive

@Nosmo – You completely forgot Sir Francis Drake and the entire Mandarin dynasty!

Posted by AllThatJazz | Report as abusive

He forgot the carved ones, too…they are watching you.

What? You never heard of the Wood Ducks?


Posted by REDruin | Report as abusive

There is a big block of wood where those Viennese chimpanzees like to play King of the Hill. When one of the chimpanzees falls off, they say that he’s just a chimp off the old block.

Posted by 69Spinster | Report as abusive

Really, Spin? I think the pressure is getting to you. Why don’t you take a week off?

Posted by rcbasler | Report as abusive

That’s a great idea, Blog Guy. I think I will. See you the week of October 3rd!

Posted by 69Spinster | Report as abusive

@Spin – which chimp plays Dale Gribble? Or do they take turns?

Or maybe they all fight over the chance to be Laotion…

Posted by GeorgiaPeach | Report as abusive

Imma gonna duck outta here myself. My doughnut is talking to me. Maybe get a hot brown and a chaser. 😉

Posted by justCAM | Report as abusive

BG you surely were tramatized early in life having to crawl under your school desk and hide your head. Duck and cover drills.. Now this, these poor fowl are being demonized for the want of keeping you safe and sound and pay your monthly household expenses should you find that open man hole or improperly guarded trench for road work outside of Bazair HQ. But do keep a sharp eye out for the chimps they are meat eaters and waiting for hapless BLog guy to stumble.

Posted by Wheelz2 | Report as abusive

So the new Gut Aiderbichl animal sanctuary is to chimps as Florida is to New Yorkers then huh?

Posted by iflydaplanes | Report as abusive

First thing tomorrow I am starting on training the work ducks to balance on crash barrier fencing.

Posted by CrowGirl | Report as abusive

Didn’t anyone notice the scary guy with the long black neck in the top photo? Look at the lady with brown hair and glasses, touching the barrier, then move your eyes northwards in the picture and you’ll see the fellow.

What’s his role in the animal spying saga? I bet he’s involved.

Posted by Malteser | Report as abusive

He might be a part of the new Skull Face Conspiracy…

Posted by Shra | Report as abusive

…or a member of the Death Panel, in disguise?

Posted by Malteser | Report as abusive