I’ve got all your spam, Ronald!

September 26, 2011

Believe it or not, I’ve found something even more irritating than getting spam.

Getting SOMEBODY ELSE’S spam.

Just when I thought unwanted e-mails couldn’t get any stupider, along come some spammers mistaking me for a guy named RONALD Basler. The actual screen grab above shows just a small sampling of the offers Ronald is getting at my e-mail address.

Judging from Ronald’s spam, which I presume is carefully targeted to his personal needs, he may be going through some hard times.

Ronald gets frequent offers of depression treatments, along with information about how the stimulus package can help him cllimb out of debt. Gosh, it even looks like his roof leaks and his oil needs changing.

I gather Ronald is looking for a new job, and there are opportunities for him as a nurse, an ultrasound technician, a school counselor and a pharmacy assistant.

Anyhow, it wasn’t until I saw the offer to buy a $250,000 insurance policy for Ronald for only $10 a month that I figured out how this e-mail mix-up might work to my advantage. It may not be totally legal, so don’t share it with anyone else.

* * * * * * * * * * * *

Dear Acme Insurance Company, please accept my $10 and insure Ronald Basler for a quarter of a million dollars. You may list myself, Bob, his close relative, as the beneficiary.

Oh, I should probably warn you, I expect Ronald to be spending a lot of time way up there fixing his leaky roof. He has been very depressed lately, he’s in debt, and he may be tempted to jump, so you might want to set aside my $250,000 pretty fast.

By the way, don’t worry about Ronald’s burial. It’s covered.

Join the Oddly Enough blog network

Follow this blog on Twitter at rbasler

Left: Cans of Spam at a market in Naha on the southern Japanese island of Okinawa, March 5, 2008. 5, 2008. REUTERS/Issei Kato

Right: A person dressed as “Spammy”, the Hormel Foods Corp Spam character, greets guests before a news conference in Tokyo, December 11, 2008. REUTERS/Michael Caronna

More stuff from Oddly Enough

11 comments

We welcome comments that advance the story through relevant opinion, anecdotes, links and data. If you see a comment that you believe is irrelevant or inappropriate, you can flag it to our editors by using the report abuse links. Views expressed in the comments do not represent those of Reuters. For more information on our comment policy, see http://blogs.reuters.com/fulldisclosure/2010/09/27/toward-a-more-thoughtful-conversation-on-stories/

BG – if what Spammy has on his feet constitutes the shoes you promised Shra for Monday, you’d better brace yourself for the sting of the zapper!

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=anwy2MPT5 RE I don’t like spam!

Posted by GeorgiaPeach | Report as abusive

Welcome to the world of mortals, RB. :D

Posted by fwd079 | Report as abusive

Georgia, BG wouldnt do that to me..He knows how much I love my shoes.. Dont you, BG?
I loved the print 500 business cards for $1.99.. I wonder if he could print out cards for all those jobs mentioned there..
He could be a spam artist.. I mean, scam.. duh!

Posted by Shra | Report as abusive

Ronald. Robert. Easy mistake. Better double check to make sure they aren’t referencing YOUR credit cards though….

“When in a jam, break out the Spam, and join the OE Blog network.”

Posted by Dave_not_dave | Report as abusive

Georgia, it pains me that you think I would break my promise to Shra… http://blogs.reuters.com/oddly-enough/20 11/09/26/then-with-flames-licking-at-her -heels/

Posted by robertcbasler | Report as abusive

Vikings need not apply.
(subtle Monty Python reference here.)

Posted by FriscoJohn | Report as abusive

@BG – I have no doubt that you are a man of your word. That was just a gentle reminder. You’re a married man so I’m sure you are familiar with that tactic :D
Baz/Lamar 2012

Posted by GeorgiaPeach | Report as abusive

Maybe Ronald Basler actually attended the University of Wisconsin??

Posted by jclimacus081 | Report as abusive

@Shra: The Spam Artist is depressed because he missed sculpting the royal couple out of spam. He was busy selling cheap business cards door to door after his stint as a roofer, um, fell through…

Posted by Onedoor | Report as abusive

Yep, a nurse outfit for poor Ronald and a pack of Viagra for stimulus and his new job as a gigolo is just around the corner… Get your business cards now!

Posted by Onedoor | Report as abusive

spam sculpting! This one is my fav. I love the Velveeta baby Jesus ;)

http://lliissaa.com/2007/12/spam-nativit y-fusion-awesome/spanger-small-2/

everybody sing: Away in a spanger, no crib for a bed

Posted by GeorgiaPeach | Report as abusive

[...] Guy, awhile back you showed us lots of spam you were getting by mistake. It was meant for a guy named RONALD Basler. He seemed to be having a pretty rough time, [...]