Let’s do something spontaneous, Baby!

September 30, 2011

Hey Blog Guy, how come you’re sitting in that huge tub of ice cubes up to your neck?

That’s my new “home.” I eat, sleep and blog here, under constant monitoring.

Um, that’s a little strange, Blog Guy. You want to explain what’s going on?

Sure. A coroner in Ireland has officially ruled that a man who burned to death in his home died as a result of spontaneous combustion. The coroner said it’s the first time in 25 years of investigating deaths that he has recorded such a verdict.

So you’re saying a human can actually just burst into flames?

Yes, unless they’re smart enough to sit in a tub of ice cubes night and day, as I’m doing.

So this is a new hazard that’s going around?

It’s not new. Charles Dickens killed off a character in “Bleak House” by Spontaneous Human Combustion. According to Wikipedia there have been 200 cited cases worldwide over the past 300 years.

What IS new is that I never knew about it before, but now that I do I’m not taking any chances. I could easily have been one of those victims, what with idly sipping from cans of charcoal starter now and then and enjoying flammable cocktails…

I mean, one minute you’re sitting in the drive-through line at a Roy Rogers, the next minute, KABOOM!

It really makes you think, Blog Guy.

Indeed it does. Hey! Guys! More ice cubes over here! What am I paying you for, anyway?

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Top: Chen Kecai (L) and Jin Songhao are seen in glass containers during a cold endurance competition on the Tianmen Mountain in Zhangjiajie, Hubei province January 3, 2011. REUTERS/Stringer

Right: Krook, in “Bleak House” publicity photo

Left: Magician Ray Wold lights a hat on fire on Magic Johnson’s head during a commercial break in the taping of Johnson’s new television show, The Magic Hour, in a 1998 file photo. REUTERS/Sringer

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Blog Guy, you evidently never watched the movies The Incredibles and/or Ghostrider. Would have been educational.

Now…where did I put that firehose…?

Posted by Malteser | Report as abusive

top photo: China can’t figure out those Cialis ads either.

:) Be spontaneous…join the OE Blog Network! :)

Posted by GeorgiaPeach | Report as abusive

hmm..anyone else noticing the pattern here by the way?

First we had Fire (shoes), then we had Roast, then we had Fries, and now we have Grill/BBQ. Now, I’m hungry.

Posted by Malteser | Report as abusive

Blog Guy:
1. That’s cold of you.
2. How bleak.
3. Yet another hot-headed commentary, eh?

Posted by FriscoJohn | Report as abusive

How is it that Johnson’s “new” television show is from 1998?

Posted by Billl | Report as abusive

Some say the Blog Guy will catch fire,
Some say he’s packed in ice.
From what I’ve read of Belgian fryers
And flaming fashion footwear buyers
I hold with those who favor fire.
Now don’t get me wrong!
I mean him no harm!
We’re all very fond
Of his quippy yarns
And it disconcerts me much
That he’s packed in slush.
Like any old Chen, Jin, or Haas
Now “Robert”‘s tossed in “Frost”
I suppose he thinks its the cost
Of avoiding spontaneous loss.

Posted by jclimacus081 | Report as abusive

BG – you may want to sell that Bluth Cornballer at your next yard sale…just to be safe 😉

Posted by GeorgiaPeach | Report as abusive

Well hey, at least you go out with a bang! And wow way to go digging through the archives to find that photo from 1998! If only we could warn Magic Johnson that lighting himself on fire would be nothing but a waste of time. Oh well, live and learn.

Posted by iflydaplanes | Report as abusive

I notice “apocalypse” is hanging out in the tag cloud. Spontaneous combustion–definitely a sign of the impending, onrushing apocalypse.

Posted by jclimacus081 | Report as abusive

A very good point, jclimacus. I’ve added an Apocalypse tag to this item…

Posted by rcbasler | Report as abusive

Lamar wasn’t expecting Helga to react the way she did when he asked her for a light. He’s given up smoking ever since.

Posted by Malteser | Report as abusive