Who’s the cutest one of all?
I’m going to do something a little different today.
His latest one, called “Cute! A Guide to All Things Adorable,” has just been published, and I enjoyed it very much. Bart offers clever insight into what makes things seem cute, and why.
My readers are interested in cute stuff, so I sent Bart six photos that have appeared here. I asked him to apply his own criteria and grade them on cuteness, which he was nice enough to do.
Oh, did I mention this Bart guy can be fairly twisted?
Bart liked the Obama group shot with Brady, the incredible image-boosting golden retriever, until he noticed that the stuffed animal in Brady’s mouth looks “suspiciously like my missing friend, Dr. Sugar-mittens!”
Shown the shot of Medo the bear making friends with a dog, Bart chose to see it as “a bear chewing a dog….” I guess it may be time for Bart to take some psychological tests.
“We respond favorably to dimples because we associate them with youth. We also—
“Hang on, my wife just popped in. What’s that, honey? Oh, the Blog Guy asked me to explain why Kate Middleton is cute. Wait, sweetie, you know that my definition of cute is ‘charming in an innocent way.’ Hey, wait! Where are you going? Honey?”
That brings us to the chimpanzee feeding a tiger cub, one of this blog’s all-time favorites.
“Three words: Denim primate shorts.”
Sigh. Okay, finally, Bart’s pick as the very cutest of these six shots is Bimas, the baby elephant, and here is his reasoning:
“The key to making accurate cuteness assessments is to remove emotion from the equation. That’s why I am cool and calculating as I scientifically analyze each of my subjects.
“Thus, this baby elephant epitomizes cuteness because it reminds me of the film ‘Dumbo.’ You know, when Dumbo’s mom is locked in a cage? And she and her little baby elephant can only touch with their trunks…”
I’m sorry, readers, Bart is sobbing uncontrollably and appears unable to continue at this time. If the subject interests you, hey, just buy his damned book.
Top: Giant panda cubs lie in a crib at Chengdu Research Base of Giant Panda Breeding in Chengdu, Sichuan province September 26, 2011. REUTERS/China Daily
President Barack Obama poses with members of the family who owns the Grasshopper antique store, along with their golden retriever Brady, in LeClaire, Iowa, August 16, 2011. REUTERS/Jason Reed
Brown bear cub Medo plays with the Logar family dog in Podvrh village, central Slovenia June 1, 2011. REUTERS/Srdjan Zivulovic
Britain’s Catherine the Duchess of Cambridge speaks to people during a visit to the Summerfield Community Centre, in the Winson Green area of Birmingham, August 19, 2011. REUTERS/Geoff Pugh/Pool
Two-year-old chimpanzee “Do Do” feeds milk to “Aorn”, a 60-day-old tiger cub, at Samut Prakan Crocodile Farm and Zoo in Samut Prakan province on the outskirts of Bangkok July 30, 2011. REUTERS/Sukree Sukplang
Four-day-old Elephant calf Bimas walks in an enclosure during his first day in public in the Tierpark zoo in Berlin, March 19, 2010. REUTERS/Thomas Peter