Playing Pachelbel’s Cannon at my funeral?

October 17, 2011

Blog Guy, not to bring up a depressing topic, but have you made plans for what will be done with your body when you die?

I’m arranging that now, thanks to several readers who sent me info about a company called Holy Smoke. They put your cremated ashes into shotgun shells or rifle cartridges, so your friends can shoot you off. Even in death, you can be helping to kill some poor creature.

Their Website says, “We offer a way to honor your deceased loved one by giving or sharing with him or her one more round of clay targets, one last bird hunt, or one last stalk hunt.”

Okay, you’re just making that crap up, Blog Guy.

No, I’m not. Whether you were a big shot or your life was just a flash in the pan, you can go out this way…

I see, now you’re just doing it for the cheap puns. I mean, this is one very goofy plan!

I do realize some people will recoil at the thought.

Stop it! How many people do you think will really use this service, anyway?

That’s hard to gauge.

I’m warning you, Blog Guy! So you’re sold on this idea?

Well, I did hit a brief snag, since I don’t know many people with guns, much less anybody who hunts. My survivors were going to have to find some gun nuts – excuse me, I mean sportsmen – to blast me off. But then I had a brilliant solution.

I can’t wait to hear about it.

When I go, the Holy Smoke people are stuffing me into a Looney Tunes Acme Rocket, and shipping me to an appropriate cartoon character.

Wow. Fare thee well, Blog Guy, and Th-th-th-tha-tha-that’s all, folks!

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Top: Around 60 shooters in traditional Bavarian clothes fire off salutes during a last day ceremony at Munich’s Oktoberfest October 3, 2011. REUTERS/Michaela Rehle

Left: India’s Rajyavardhan Singh Rathore unloads spent shells during the men’s double trap shooting final at the Asian Games in Doha, December 5, 2006. REUTERS/Caren Firouz

Right: Screen grab from Holy Smoke Website

Bottom left: Looney Tunes screen grab

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I wouldnt mind going the Looney Tunes way.. 😛
But then, I am NOT Wil.E.Coyote..

Posted by Shra | Report as abusive

First photo … Bavarian Mafia. Go ahead, make my schnitzel.

Posted by justCAM | Report as abusive

meep, meep! Happy Monday. And SHRA is back! Yippee!!!

Posted by GeorgiaPeach | Report as abusive

I’m picturing this scene:
Person A: That’s a nice deer head on your wall.
Person B: Thanks. I killed it with our old buddy, Joe.
Person A: Excuse me?
Person B: We used his ashes in a cartridge for my hunting rifle, and, sure enough, I got this beauty of a deer with Joe’s ashes. I’ll always thank him for my wall decoration and the delicious venison sausage we ate that night.

Posted by 69Spinster | Report as abusive

nice, Spin. :)

I’m reminded of the final episode of Rescue Me. The guys had a little accident en route to scatter Lou’s ashes and replaced the ashes with red velvet cake mix

Posted by GeorgiaPeach | Report as abusive

Finally, after many times of mentioning Wile E, or his favorite company for buying anvils and such like, he makes an appearance!

What I am planning for my final send off is to use a 155mm cannon like thingy, also.

Posted by uncarastus | Report as abusive

Would it be ironic or appropriate if they gave a posthumous 21-gun salute for someone, and the person’s ashes were in one of the guns?

Posted by 69Spinster | Report as abusive

I’ll say this, Spin. If the person’s ashes were in the guns and the salute WASN’T posthumous, it would be very inappropriate….

Posted by rcbasler | Report as abusive

Blog Guy, perhaps they could play the rhythm of Pachelbel’s Canon by cannon at your funeral, and your ashes can be in one of the cannons?

Posted by 69Spinster | Report as abusive

I like this idea; far classier than the company I heard of lately who will press your ashes into a vase. Or jewellry.

Posted by CrowGirl | Report as abusive

My relatives are all patriots, so maybe they could be bombs bursting in air …

Posted by slick9 | Report as abusive

“Hard to gauge”…. nice!!!

I don’t necessarily think that it’s wrong to cannonize someone as long as it’s done with respect, and preferably not with a blunderbuss.

Posted by flamenquito | Report as abusive

that’s one way to go out with a bang, not a whimper

Posted by GeorgiaPeach | Report as abusive

And I thought celebrity fragrances were crass.
Great, now we can look forward to bullet-loads of your favorite dead ‘stars’.
Paris Hilton 50-cal rounds, anyone?

Posted by Nosmo_King | Report as abusive

Love that second pic, but I have to wonder: Why is he shooting in front of a green screen? Is it some sort of virtual trap shooting?

A buddy of mine makes amateur fireworks (he’s an amateur, the fireworks are really good). He wants his ashes loaded into a bunch of 6″ mortars and used as the finale!

Posted by AllThatJazz | Report as abusive

AllThatJazz, it’s because standing in fromt of salmon hued screen is soooo offputting!

Posted by uncarastus | Report as abusive