Pushing shakes for a sheikh?

October 18, 2011

OMG, Blog Guy! A few days ago, in an item about Paris Hilton helping open a shopping mall in Poland, you said, “Coming soon, Kim Kardashian appears at a milkshake bar opening in Dubai,” and here she is!

Who would have thought you were serious about that?

Come on, it wasn’t hard to predict. I mean, the woman was married less than two months ago, she is thought to be the highest-paid reality star on television, so why wouldn’t she go to Dubai to promote a milkshake bar? It just makes sense.

But if she craves attention so badly, why doesn’t she launch a fragrance, like Jennifer Aniston and Katy Perry and everybody else did?

Get with the program. Kim already launched a fragrance, four months ago.

I missed that. What about Paris Hilton, then? Can we expect a fragrance from her?

Sigh. Paris launched her fragrance years ago.

Say, Blog Guy, why don’t you have your own fragrance, if every other doofus gets one? It’s just the sort of flimflam we’d expect from you.

I do have one. You haven’t tried SARCASM, by Blog Guy? It hasn’t done very well, despite a serious ad campaign on rural billboards and a promotional tie-in with a popular brand of flip-flops.

What is the memorable catch phrase you use in your ads?

“Who wouldn’t want to smell like this?”

Gosh, it’s hard to believe folks didn’t go for that!

See, the SARCASM is spreading already.

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Top: TV personality Kim Kardashian poses with a milkshake during a news conference in Dubai October 13, 2011. Kardashian is in the United Arab Emirates to launch the opening of a milkshake bar at the Dubai Mall on October 14. REUTERS/Jumana El Heloueh

Left: Kardashian poses as she launches her perfume at a store in central London, June 8, 2011. REUTERS/Paul Hackett

Bottom right: Reality TV star Paris Hilton poses with her new perfume outside a night club on the Champs Elysees in Paris, May 10, 2005. REUTERS/Charles Platiau

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When I was in Dubai, I noted that the upper crust did not often travel by aircraft, preferring ground transporation instead. When I asked why this was, the answer came back ‘Sheikhs on a plane? Are you crazy or something?’.

Posted by Nosmo_King | Report as abusive

Perhaps Kim Kardashian’s new theme song is from Kelis:
My milkshake brings all the boys to the yard
And they’re like
It’s better than yours
D@#n right
It’s better than yours

Posted by 69Spinster | Report as abusive

Blog Guy, I think I know why SARCASM isn’t selling as well as it could. You need a photo of yourself showing some skin and showing the bottle.

Posted by 69Spinster | Report as abusive

Yummm…Too milky… 😉

Posted by fwd079 | Report as abusive

Instead of SARCASM, I was sure that, if you created a fragrance, it would be called Shall Lamar.

Posted by 69Spinster | Report as abusive

Sarcasm is lost on some, BG…

Posted by Shra | Report as abusive


Between Robert and Basler lies SARCASM

Posted by GeorgiaPeach | Report as abusive

@Georgia: That’s excellent, but I always thought that between Robert and Basler lies the letter “C.”

Posted by 69Spinster | Report as abusive

Sheikh and beikh for Kim
Kardashian’s just desserts
Sells sand to Arabs.

Posted by FriscoJohn | Report as abusive

Another haiku:

Kim Kardashian
Not ridge-neck from Deep Space Nine.
Still waste of pixels.

Posted by FriscoJohn | Report as abusive

Well, now we know how Kim got her back!

Posted by AllThatJazz | Report as abusive

@Spin: You’re right, sister. “Shall Lamar” is the perfect name for Mr B’s fragance. This could be the slogan:
Shall Lamar? Yes! Oh yes!

Posted by ladylala | Report as abusive

“You haven’t tried SARCASM, by Blog Guy? It hasn’t done very well, despite a serious ad campaign on rural billboards and a promotional tie-in with a popular brand of flip-flops.”

Blog Guy, if I might offer a suggestion, you should let your loyal commentors handle your next marketing blitz for SARCASM. A catchy jingle, or a haiku or three would really go far on those rural billboards…

Posted by jclimacus081 | Report as abusive

Nice Nosmo, very nice. :)

Posted by CrowGirl | Report as abusive

Ahhhhh, now it makes sense. I heard a commercial on the radio while I was in Dubai the other day, and I THOUGHT they said Kim Kardashian was going to be at the Dubai Mall – like it was a big deal – but I just chalked it up to a mis-interpretation, because surely that would be a sign of the apocalypse….

Posted by Dave_not_dave | Report as abusive

@Ladylala: Perfect marketing campaign. Your dear Lamar would be immortalized forever in a doughnut-shaped bottle. Maybe closed with a cork. That you open by slapping the bottom.

Posted by 69Spinster | Report as abusive

@jclimacus: Good point. I’ll suggest a starter haiku, but I’m sure that you, @AllThatJazz, @FriscoJohn, and the other haiku-writing commenters will have some good ones to add:

Why try SARCASM?
Ornithologists wear it
And they’re the experts

Posted by 69Spinster | Report as abusive

here’s mine:
What would you rather do, eh?
Slap a vodka jug?

Posted by jclimacus081 | Report as abusive

Mr. B. I applaud you on your excellent use of “flimflam”. Few are able to pull that off so seamlessly. Bravo sir, bravo.

If I had to choose between Paris Hilton and Kim Kardashian, I would pick Katy Perry.

Posted by iflydaplanes | Report as abusive

You know BG, I agree with Spin, if you want to shake the flimflammery, you’ve got to slap on some SARCASM and sell yourself! It’s time to get serious with your life, just like Paris did with hers…

Posted by sarabelle | Report as abusive

@Sarabelle: Thanks for understanding the gravity of the matter. You’re right about what the Blog Guy needs to do.

I heard that the marketing campaign for SARCASM almost really went awry until the marketing team wisely rejected this tag line:
SARCASM: As if you’d really want to wear this stuff.

Posted by 69Spinster | Report as abusive

I do believe that it is now time to use a couple of pancakes to wrap up a nice steak. Who elses wants a pansteak? Get them while they’re hot! Get your pansteak!

Posted by uncarastus | Report as abusive

@Unca: Yes, but can you say, “Pancakes and pansteak” three times fast?

Posted by 69Spinster | Report as abusive

Maybe Kim Kardashian wants to be part of the Escape Club.

Posted by 69Spinster | Report as abusive