I’ve ALWAYS wanted whatever this is!

October 20, 2011

Blog Guy, anything new for us from Williams-Sonoma? I’m starting my Christmas shopping early this year.

You know, I think I pick on them too much. I mean, those folks are just trying to make a living with their $2,399.95 espresso machine, to choose an item at random from the new catalog.

There are plenty of other stores that sell stuff we don’t need. I just got the new Hammacher Schlemmer catalog in the mail.

Hammacher Schlemmer? What does that mean?

I believe it’s a German phrase that roughly translates to “WTF is THIS?” I get the giggles just thumbing through this thing.

What kind of stuff do they have? I’m always on the lookout for useless crap.

Then you should check out the iPhone Cordless Handset, which takes your sleek, cutting-edge Apple phone and makes it look like something Andy of Mayberry would use to call Floyd the barber.

Cool! What else?

How about the Only Complete Swiss Army Knife, with 87 precision-engineered tools, just $1,400. A pocket to carry it in isn’t included.

Tell me more.

Um, there’s the Only Heated Outdoor Cat House, which “keeps felines warm and comfy in cool temperatures.”

You know what else keeps felines warm and comfy in cool temperatures? My own house, which I share with my pets instead of making them live in the yard.

BTW, this house isn’t very tall, so those of you in heavy snowdrift regions might want to consider that before ordering it.

Maybe you’d be interested in the Hands Free Hair Rejuvenator, using the same therapy “employed by medical professionals.” It has 21 built-in lasers and goes for $699.95.

Or these Golf Ball Locating Glasses, with special lenses so you can find your golf balls AND look like a huge dork.

Wow! So I guess you’ll be getting Lamar’s Christmas gift from this catalog?

Yeah, I’m having them combine the hair rejuvenator and the golf ball glasses into one unit for him. He’ll love it.

Lamar! No, don’t reach for that golf ball in the pond while the electric lasers are plugged… Oh well, at least his hair looked nice…

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Top: Heated Cat House

Right: iPhone Handset, Swiss Army Knife and Hair Rejuvenator

Left: Golf Ball Locating Glasses

All photos from Hammacher Schlemmer Website

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U have GOT to be kidding about the hair rejuvenator… you just GOT to be!!!!

Posted by Shra | Report as abusive

You just wait’ll your hair needs rejuvenating, Shra….

Posted by rcbasler | Report as abusive

I don’t think I have ever had an appointment with a medical professional who rejuvenated my hair.

Posted by 69Spinster | Report as abusive

What? No tag for Hammacher Schlemmer? How will your readers be able to find great holiday gift ideas that aren’t from Williams-Sonoma?

Posted by 69Spinster | Report as abusive

I humbly offer a haiku:

Hammacher Schlemmer
For all your holiday gifts
And treats for yourself

Posted by 69Spinster | Report as abusive

What I need to find out is whether the hair rejuvenator works with the Panasonic hair washing robot.

http://blogs.reuters.com/oddly-enough/20 11/10/06/the-food-is-greasy-but-your-hai r-is-great/

Posted by rcbasler | Report as abusive

Golfers always need to find their balls!

Posted by bigsusie | Report as abusive

Why do you have to heat a cat in a house – can’t you just use the microwave for that?

Posted by bigsusie | Report as abusive

I’m betting that when ‘cat house’ is on your wish list, that first photo is NOT what you had in mind šŸ˜‰

could the hair rejuvenator be added as an accessory to the heated cat house? Kitty might like a nice massage in her new luxury digs.

now…could you send a Reuters reporter to my neighbor’s house? Or maybe a burly thug? They keep their dog chained in the yard ALL THE TIME! I received permission to bring her over to play with my boys inside the fence, so she does get some social time. Why, why, why do people get a pet when they aren’t going to spend any time with it? :(

Posted by GeorgiaPeach | Report as abusive

U can borrow my taser Georgia.. nothing like a good zap to restore those dead brain cells, I always say…

Posted by Shra | Report as abusive

Gee BlogGuy, can’t you give some publicity to MY local catalog from Neiman-Marcus? You should see some of the stuff they have this year. And it’s much easier to pronounce.

http://www.reuters.com/article/2011/10/1 9/us-christmas-expensive-idUSTRE79I3DK20 111019

Posted by FriscoJohn | Report as abusive

Danger Feral Kitty is not a regular cat. She won’t come into the house, no matter what the weather is like. The results of this behavior is that during the winter, I hang a tarp over our table which also resides on the front porch. I put a ‘Kitty Cube’ under the the entarped table, with a nice electric heating pad serving as the new roof for the ‘Kitty Cube,’ which I plug into the outdoor electric receptacle.

Take that, Hammock Slammer! I did it first! You owe me for your claim of being the only people that offer a Heated Cathouse. Unless you mean the other kind of Cathouse.

Posted by uncarastus | Report as abusive

Peaches, is the dog next door a rottweiler? If so, do you have the insurance paid up for your sons? šŸ˜‰

Oh, and the reason not to spend time with their dog is to make it more mean and vicious and attention seeking by the biting of anyone other than them. Maybe the dog is choosy, and just doesn’t want to be with its owners?

Posted by uncarastus | Report as abusive

@Unca – nope. She’s only about 20 lbs or so; white with some brown spots, possibly a pit mix. The owners don’t keep her inside ‘because she tears up everything.’ Huh…I guess all dog aren’t BORN knowing how to behave for whatever human they end up with. She’s not difficult to train. In the limited time we’ve spent with her, she knows she has to sit before we’ll put the leash on her to take her to play.

our Golden was labeled as a ‘behavior problem’ too. He’s fine, just needed somebody to take a little time and teach him what’s expected.

I don’t want to stir up too much trouble…one of the dog’s owners is a cop; the other is a prison guard.

Posted by GeorgiaPeach | Report as abusive

@Georgia – looks like your neighbors are taking their work home with them…

Posted by AllThatJazz | Report as abusive

@Fricso – I agree…Every year, I wait with bated breath for the arrival of the Needless Markup Christmas Book. This year, I’ve been very, very good and am hoping for the 2011 Chevy Camaro Convertible – a steal at $75,000…and it qualifies for FREE SHIPPING!

Posted by Moonshine | Report as abusive

Frisco and Moonshine, I always pay attention to The Book, but rarely blog about it. Some things are just too easy…

Posted by rcbasler | Report as abusive

@Moon – FREE SHIPPING? Wow. Not taking advantage of an offer like that would be throwing money away!

@Jazz – good point. They also work long hours and odd shifts. I’m sure an overly enthusiastic puppy isn’t much fun when you are trying to catch a few hours sleep. She’s close to a year old now and still has TONS of energy (which explains why she gets in trouble…she gets bored)

Posted by GeorgiaPeach | Report as abusive

BG, regret to inform you that there is only one “The Book” and that is published by Megadodo Publications, one of the great publishing houses of Ursa Minor Beta.

Posted by FriscoJohn | Report as abusive

The Book is also known as The Guide.

Posted by FriscoJohn | Report as abusive

@Moonshine, wow that’s a hot car! Hey if you get it can we all go for a ride with the top down and let the wind blow through our rejuvenated hair? šŸ˜€

“Yeah, Iā€™m having them combine the hair rejuvenator and the golf ball glasses into one unit for him.” So um..it’s gonna rejuvenate his eyelashes? Or is it gonna allow him to look for balls and rejuvenate the hair on them? Dunno where you were going with that one.

Posted by iflydaplanes | Report as abusive

Strip mine the earth for materials and shove it back in the landfills. Wheeeeeeeeeeeeee!!!

Posted by swagval | Report as abusive