Stir that succotash, will ya, Newt?

October 25, 2011

Excuse me, I hate to complain and everything, but…

Yes, what is it, Governor Gingrich?

Well, I’m not a governor. I used to be the Speaker of the House of Representatives. I’m running for the Republican nomination, and I was wondering, how come I have to eat in the kitchen, standing up?

Oh, this is Iowa, Governor. Everybody eats in the kitchen.

Hang on just a minute, I can see that Rick Perry guy getting his picture taken with folks, and there’s Michele Bachmann signing autographs and what-not, and here I am standing next to some lady in an apron…

Right, Governor, I need you to reach over and stir that big vat of succotash on the stove for a minute. Mix ‘er up real good, will you?

Um, okay, sure, but you see…

Was there some other thing you’re not happy with, Governor Gingrich?

Yes, it’s this name tag. My name isn’t actually spelled KNUTE…

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Top: Newt Gingrich, former speaker of the U.S. House of Representatives, eats before speaking at the Iowa Faith & Freedom Coalition’s Presidential Forum at the Iowa State Fairgrounds in Des Moines, Iowa October 22, 2011.

Right: Texas Governor Rick Perry poses for a photo with a supporter before speaking at the Forum.

Bottom right: Minnesota Congresswoman Michele Bachmann signs autographs after her speech at the Forum

REUTERS photos by Brian C. Frank

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If Eye-of-Newt knew the dress code, he would not have been relegated to the kitchen. He should have worn red. See the other two candidates?

Posted by 69Spinster | Report as abusive

Anyone named Newt, has my sympathies..

Posted by Shra | Report as abusive

If Newt had burned the meal 12 days ago, he would have had Sukkot Ash.

Posted by FriscoJohn | Report as abusive

Sir Bedevere: What makes you think she’s a witch?
Peasant 3: Well, she turned me into a newt!
Sir Bedevere: A newt?
Peasant 3: [meekly after a long pause] … I got better.

unfortunately, Gingrich never got better :(

Come and see the violence inherent in the system! Join the OE Blog Network

Posted by GeorgiaPeach | Report as abusive

I humbly offer a haiku:

Newt in the kitchen
Stirring vats of succotash
And not the masses

Posted by 69Spinster | Report as abusive

@GeorgiaPeach….if we’re going to invoke MP, then I humbly offer this:

Voice Over: Mr Newtwrong! The most dangerous and terrifying man in the world! The man with the strength of an army! The wisdom of all the scholars in history! The man who had the power to destroy the world. (animation of planets in space) Mr Newtwrong. No one knows what strange and distant planet he came from, or where he was going to!… Wherever he went, terror and destruction were sure to follow.

Posted by FriscoJohn | Report as abusive

No corndog? Newt just doesn’t get it…

Posted by jclimacus081 | Report as abusive

Michele Bachmann just doesn’t have the bewbs…er.. I mean appeal, as Sarah Palin does. Who am I kidding, I totally meant bewbs.

Posted by iflydaplanes | Report as abusive

Poor old ‘King’ Canute Gingrich.
He just can’t take care of business the way Michelle BTO can.

Posted by Somnambulist | Report as abusive

Man, Rick ‘Corn Dog’ Perry sure has a cheesy grin.
Makes you wonder what he’s been up to, doesn’t it?

Stir the succotash – is that a euphemism of some kind?

Posted by Nosmo_King | Report as abusive

Sufferin’ succotash! Join the OE Blog Network already, will ya?

Posted by GeorgiaPeach | Report as abusive

You’ve got to love the cameraman checking out Ms. Bachmann’s B-side.

Oh and something else I noticed – if the two chefs (?) in the Bachmann photo had an apron on even though they aren’t cooking, why is the newt not wearing one? I bet they had newthing for him.

Posted by Malteser | Report as abusive

What Newt’s thinking: I have to pretend to be excited to eat this boring food when I really wish I had waffles to go with this chicken.

Posted by 69Spinster | Report as abusive

Apron strings, hanging empty crazy things
My party tells me, I want someone
To tie my lonely apron strings

Apron strings, waiting for you
Pretty things that I could call you,
I want someone to tie my lonely apron strings

I’d be the best my party has ever seen
and I wonder as the days unwind
who will get your vote in time
Then I wake up to my
Apron strings, cold and lonely
For time brings thoughts that only will be quiet
When someone clings to my apron strings

And I’ll be perfect in my way
When you cry I will be there
I’ll stand up for you and always be fair
All your troubles I will share

For apron strings
can be used for other things
Than what they’re meant for and
You’d be happy wrapped in my apron strings

Posted by GeorgiaPeach | Report as abusive

BG, your blog has become a Seinfeld episode. I was looking at IMDb for the movie (She’s Having A Baby) that song is from, and one of the suggested baby names was Dashiell! 😛

Posted by GeorgiaPeach | Report as abusive

Eating before speaking never a good idea…*burp*

Posted by fwd079 | Report as abusive