Keeping away from the Kardashians

November 2, 2011

Blog Guy, I’m a fed-up, angry American. Enough is enough!

What can we do to protect our country from those tawdry, horrid people? I see them everywhere now. I think you know who I’m talking about.

You must mean the Kardashians?

Of course! They’re everywhere! Now the mother has written her “memoirs,” and that daughter that got married like a week ago has already filed for divorce. How many of them are there, anyway?

Wikipedia says there are 652, but I agree it seems like a lot more. Kardashians breed rapidly and have a short gestation period.

You can buy software to filter them out of your Internet feed, but in a few years, when we have U.S. President Kardashian, that will become problematic.

So how do YOU avoid seeing them, Blog Guy?

I pay extra for a cable service that delivers certified Kardashian-free content. Of course, that only leaves me with two channels, but it’s worth it.

Is there anything I can do to keep myself and my family away from this scourge?

Move to Yemen. It could be months before they show up there.

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Top: Kendall and Kylie Jenner pose with their sisters Khloe, Kim and Kourtney Kardashian as they arrive at the 2011 People’s Choice Awards in Los Angeles, January 5, 2011  REUTERS/Danny Moloshok

Right: Book cover

Left: TV personality Kim Kardashian arrives at the 2011 MTV Video Music Awards in Los Angeles, August 28, 2011. REUTERS/Danny Moloshok

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I think I prefer the Kardashians from Deep Space Nine to these.

Posted by FriscoJohn | Report as abusive

Right, who’s Kris Jenner again? And more importantly, WHY should I care?

Posted by Shra | Report as abusive

Kris Jenner is the Mother of all Kardashians.

Posted by Billl | Report as abusive

ticket to yemen… check
bags packed… check
extra barf bags for the in-flight reality tv “entertainment”… check…

Posted by jclimacus081 | Report as abusive

We can all “thank” the E! network and Mr. Seacrest. The alternatives include the animal / various hoarders on a competing network…fun times.

Posted by McGriffen | Report as abusive

Krikey! Kan you believe it?
Kould it be Kaused by a stuck key on their keyboard when naming their Khildren?
Or is it part of some Krazy Krackpot Konspiracy?

Posted by Nosmo_King | Report as abusive

On Cable, “Keeping Up with the Kardashians” is listed as “Keeping Up…” I always think of “Keeping Up Apprarances,” a great British sitcom, and get ticked that the Kardashian crap is on instead.

Posted by DoctorDoll | Report as abusive

looks like Firefox needs to expand on their options. The name of this one is priceless!!! 47-17.html

Posted by GeorgiaPeach | Report as abusive

It’s really a good thing we’re doing everything we can to protect the institution of heterosexual marriage in this country. Imagine if Kim hadn’t been allowed to marry in the first place. She’d be both poor and not divorced… almost immediately.

Posted by Bandage | Report as abusive

I’ve said it before, but I’ll say it again. That Kim is sitting on a goldmine.

Posted by lemonttaylor | Report as abusive

Does anyone remmeber anymore why we as a society have justified the existance of the Kardashians anyway? I mean they are here but does anyone really know why?

Posted by iflydaplanes | Report as abusive

Ah, the joys of not having a TV or high speed internet access. :) My house is a Kardashian-knowledge free zone.

Posted by CrowGirl | Report as abusive

I’m so sorry to hear of your unfortunate situation, CrowGirl. I have your home address, and one of the lesser Kardashians will be rushed to you at no cost, thanks to the IMF-funded Kardashians for the World programme. Enjoy….

Posted by rcbasler | Report as abusive

@BG – I thought they were ALL lesser?

Posted by GeorgiaPeach | Report as abusive

@McGriffin – Animal hoarders? I thought Kris Jenner WAS an animal hoarder….

Posted by Moonshine | Report as abusive

Yes, BG, we must ensure that Crowy does not miss out on the exruciating pain, err, joy and wonder, that are the Kardashians.
I dropped an email to Kim’s publicist about Crowy’s plight, and they are sending her the Extended Edition of the first 5 series, all hand-autographed by Kim’s personal shopper. They may even be paying her a visit in person sometime soon, so keep an eye out for that.
Yes, she’s getting the Komplete Kardashian Kare package.

Posted by Nosmo_King | Report as abusive

Kim is sitting on a gold mine! She’s actually smart about it.

Posted by Makeityourring | Report as abusive

Its amazing how a family can become famous for having a bunch of spoiled daughters who whore around with celebs and athletes.

Posted by Buelligan | Report as abusive

@Crowgirl: Hey if they do show up, you could always put them out with your pigs

Posted by jclimacus081 | Report as abusive

Apparently, moving to Yemen won’t help. This world population of 7 billion is apparently growing by six children per woman in Yemen. They are probably producing multiple Kardashians in Yemen as we speak. You’re better off in Moldova, where the population is decreasing by 106 people per day. Fewer Kardashians are born in Moldova all the time. Kardashian attrition!

Posted by 69Spinster | Report as abusive

I got home to a note from the postman saying there’s a package for me to sign for waiting for me at the sorting office in town – quick work guys! I’ll drop by tomorrow afternoon and pick her up. :)

Posted by CrowGirl | Report as abusive

@Jclimacus081 – I think there are laws relating to the humane treatment of animals that would prevent the Kards from being allowed anywhere near them.
The Kards, however, would proably feel right at home.

Posted by Nosmo_King | Report as abusive

@Nosmo: quite right, mea culpa. If the Kardashians don’t show, then maybe CG could dress up a pig in high heels and a low cut dress, that would pretty much amount to the same thing as having a live Kardashian.

Posted by jclimacus081 | Report as abusive

@jclimacus: Do I detect a lipstick-on-a-pig joke coming on?

Posted by 69Spinster | Report as abusive

@Spin: unless you beat me to it:P

Posted by jclimacus081 | Report as abusive

It’s okay, no need to worry about animal welfare, turns out the parcel was my shiny new caving harness.

Posted by CrowGirl | Report as abusive

Come now, JC.. I see them, in the most optimistic view, as curvy ladies.
Surely, you are not likening curvy ladies to pigs?

Posted by Shra | Report as abusive

Certainly not, my dear Shra, certainly not. I’m rather fond of curvy ladies. I am, however more fond of the OE Blog ladies, whether they’re curvy or not, though I’ve never had the great good luck to meet one face to face. I’m also rather fond of pigs, in a way, the OE Blog being an animal-friendly zone. And I can say without reservation, I am more fond of pigs than Kardashians, curves notwithstanding. I applaud your optimistic view of this subject! Unfortunately, I can’t share it.

Posted by jclimacus081 | Report as abusive

Perhaps those Krazy Kurds kould keep Kardashians – although then again they might view them as a new WMD sent by the American infidels…

Posted by geetex | Report as abusive

now you followers of this bunch of uneducated money grubbing egotists see exactly what you have been so entranced by. these people betrayed their fans with the sham wedding of kim to the tall goofy guy. do you think bruce kardashian enjoyed playing the village idiot in this ploy?

Posted by alidarose | Report as abusive