Today’s reading is from Shooteronomy

November 4, 2011

It’s been a few weeks since I’ve written about any new signs of that onrushing Apocalypse, so I foolishly thought things might be getting better.

Let’s see here. Roman Catholic bishops in Wisconsin are urging their parishioners not to bring weapons TO CHURCH, now that a new law permits state residents to carry concealed firearms and electric weapons such as stun guns or tasers.

Uh-oh. Does it SOUND like it’s getting better?

I mean, states have been competing to pass the nuttiest weapons laws recently. There was the Florida law limiting what doctors can say to their patients about guns, and both Utah and Arizona voted to create official state firearms.

Maine lawmakers voted to legalize switchblade knives, but only for one-armed residents, while Ohio approved a law allowing folks to carry guns into  bars.

But here’s the kicker in Wisconsin. Bishops are urging people not to bring weapons, but they say the decision on whether to ban weapons is up to individual churches.

Seriously? Religions, which tend to make sweeping rules about all aspects of human behavior, are suddenly going to make this particular question a local option?

* * * * * * * * * *

Remember, congregation, this is a House of Worship, so if you do bring guns on Sunday, please be respectful and use silencers.

And folks, if you want to use stun guns and tasers, please charge them at home before church, and don’t run up the parish electric bills…

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Top: A man with a firearm listens to Pastor Ken Pagano during the “Open Carry Celebration” at New Bethel Church in Louisville, Kentucky, June 27, 2009. Around 200 members of the church complied with a request asked to bring their unloaded handguns for a one-day celebration of the Second Amendment. REUTERS/Ed Reinke/Pool

Left: Priests check the firearms of Marines who will be sent to Basilan province in southern Philippines during the 110th founding anniversary of the Philippine Navy in Manila, May 20, 2008. REUTERS/Romeo Ranoco

Right: A car displaying  pro-gun stickers enters the lot of the New Bethel Church in Louisville, Kentucky, June 27, 2009. REUTERS/David Harpe

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Really? Really?

Posted by rcbasler | Report as abusive

Now you see, I would have thought open carry would have referred to beer and not handguns.
Beer in church – throw in some pretzels and a large TV to watch sports on, and I bet attendance will start to increase.

Posted by Nosmo_King | Report as abusive

Sometimes, you guys seem all the more nutty from this side of the pond..

Posted by Shra | Report as abusive

Well, shoot, I’m losing faith.

Posted by 69Spinster | Report as abusive

Dearly beloved bloggers, arms are not new to the church.

It was once written in the Book of Armaments…well, let me let others more eloquent tell the tale:

King Arthur: Consult the Book of Armaments.

Brother Maynard: Armaments, chapter two, verses nine through twenty-one.

Cleric: [reading] And Saint Attila raised the hand grenade up on high, saying, “O Lord, bless this thy hand grenade, that with it thou mayst blow thine enemies to tiny bits, in thy mercy.” And the Lord did grin. And the people did feast upon the lambs and sloths, and carp and anchovies, and orangutans and breakfast cereals, and fruit-bats and large chu…

Brother Maynard: Skip a bit, Brother…

Cleric: And the Lord spake, saying, “First shalt thou take out the Holy Pin. Then shalt thou count to three, no more, no less. Three shall be the number thou shalt count, and the number of the counting shall be three. Four shalt thou not count, neither count thou two, excepting that thou then proceed to three. Five is right out. Once the number three, being the third number, be reached, then lobbest thou thy Holy Hand Grenade of Antioch towards thy foe, who, being naughty in my sight, shall snuff it.

Brother Maynard: Amen.

Posted by FriscoJohn | Report as abusive

why are priests checking weapons for the Marines? Maybe they are blessing the weapons. And where is the Holy Hand Grenade of Antioch? Consult the Book of Armaments!

Posted by GeorgiaPeach | Report as abusive

ahh…thank you, Brother Frisco 😛

Posted by GeorgiaPeach | Report as abusive

Frisco: So, that whole sword-in-the-stone stuff is hooey? King Arthur had grenades all along?

Posted by 69Spinster | Report as abusive

@Spin: you can’t expect to wield supreme executive power just because some watery tart threw a sword at you.

Posted by GeorgiaPeach | Report as abusive

@69Spinster: The HHGoA AND a Trojan Rabbit.

Posted by FriscoJohn | Report as abusive

@Shra: nutty? Sorry Shra but I don’t think “nutty” comes close

Posted by jclimacus081 | Report as abusive

Hey Shra, now you can carry your Zapper to church over here! That’s not nutty, that’s opportunity! Better pack an extra battery!

Posted by AllThatJazz | Report as abusive

@Shra: Per @Jazz’s comment, do you have any objection to the idea of learning outside the blog, or will you tase folks in church if the priest/minister/pastor tries to teach something?

Posted by 69Spinster | Report as abusive

Oh are you gonna catch it from the gun crowd… you need to get your terms right: it’s called a “suppressor”, NOT a “silencer”!

Posted by Darth_Nul | Report as abusive

Shra, I am with you on this one: nutty does appear to be an understatement.

Posted by justM | Report as abusive

Maybe because of the new law, Numbers of people will be coming to the reading of Shooteronomy. After the service, they’ll leave in a mass Exodus.

Posted by 69Spinster | Report as abusive

Those people in the top picture are celebrating the Second Amendment? With that terrible slouching posture? They don’t look like a “well regulated militia” to me…

Posted by CrowGirl | Report as abusive

Good point, Spin. I think some of those folks have small derringers concealed in the psalms of their hands..

Posted by rcbasler | Report as abusive

I was going to say something about Kentucky and inbreeding but, my mother/sister wouldn’t approve. 😉

Posted by justCAM | Report as abusive

@Frisco, that’s my favorite part of the whole movie. 😀

@Shra, if you ever doubt the nutt factor of the States remember one thing, here was born the Oddly Enough blog.

Posted by iflydaplanes | Report as abusive

@Nosmo: Beer in church would have been better. They already have wine in some.

This is just so, um, swell. Can you picutre the ushers coming down the aisles to pass the collection plate – while holding a gun on you?

I think I’ll keep my prayers at home.

Posted by Onedoor | Report as abusive

Winning comment to @CrowGirl. Second place to Frisco and the HHGoA. Last place to the moron in comment #1….

Posted by Dave_not_dave | Report as abusive

Yeah, I kind of wonder how much training you need to conceal a weapon. Folks, this is called a pocket. In tomorrow’s class, we’ll learn how to put something in it….

Posted by rcbasler | Report as abusive

In the state of Missouri, one needs 8 hours of classroom instruction, a test with a passing score of 75, and a short time at the range, firing on a target with 50 rounds going downrange, after a 50 round ‘get ready’ pre ‘firing for the record’ stage.

I drew a smily face and a heart with some shots through it, with my firing for record, 50 round shooting.

Truly, it wasn’t hard to psss, st all. Anyone want to move down here? Get your CCW (Carry Concealed Weapons) stamp on your driving license! It only costs $75, and it is good for four years!

Posted by uncarastus | Report as abusive

Aw, thanks Dave. :)

Posted by CrowGirl | Report as abusive

Ok ok.. you guys are way more than nutty..
As for the taser in church, I wouldnt mind them teaching.
I dont mind religion unless it starts interfering with my life.

Posted by Shra | Report as abusive