Remember to bring protection, honey

November 7, 2011

Blog Guy, I’m worried sick! I heard there was some problem with protecting Paris Hilton. Is she okay?

She’s fine, but her bodyguards aren’t.

They were hurt while protecting her?

No, they were fired FOR protecting her. Our story, Elite Polish cops sacked for protecting Paris Hilton, says three police commandos were told to resign or they would be fired for serving as Hilton’s bodyguards during a recent appearance at a shopping mall opening.

Wow, that sounds kind of harsh. So what did they do wrong?

Well, I can’t be bothered to do research, so I’m just guessing here, but I imagine Poland must have a law against protecting Paris Hilton. I think a number of countries have similar laws.

No way! An actual law against protecting Paris Hilton! Do you think we should have a law like that here in America?

I guess so. Or maybe a Constitutional Amendment….

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Top: Paris Hilton arrives at a hotel in Poland for the opening ceremony of a shopping centre in Katowice, southern Poland, October 11, 2011. REUTERS/Dawid Chalimoniuk/Agencja Gazeta

Left: Hilton presents a creation by Ukrainian designer Andre Tan during Ukrainian Fashion Week in Kiev, October 15, 2011. REUTERS/Gleb Garanich

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I think I’d prefer Paris with no strings attached.

Posted by FriscoJohn | Report as abusive

Maybe the mall cops in Poland have everything under control

Posted by jclimacus081 | Report as abusive

@Frisco: If we are giving our druthers, then I’d rather stay at a Hilton hotel in Paris than read about Paris Hilton.

Posted by 69Spinster | Report as abusive

No, Frisco, no!!!
You cant go over to Paris, just coz of her strings!!
Whatever would happen to the OE blog, if we lost the men to Paris!

Posted by Shra | Report as abusive

@Shra – sadly, we’ll always have Paris.

Posted by Nosmo_King | Report as abusive

I’m with Spinney. Although, I don’t know if I really even want to stay in Paris at all. But if I did, I might stay at a Hilton. Not with a Hilton. No sir.

Posted by Dave_not_dave | Report as abusive

Hi, kids! Did everyone learn how to lace their shoes? How about their dresses?

BG: get a cheap crochet hook, paint it gold and sell it as a Dress String/Lace Tightener. Though that is a long name. Just call it a Paris Hooker and you’ll get all kinds of business. Mostly monkey…

Posted by Onedoor | Report as abusive

Nice one, Onedoor…

Posted by rcbasler | Report as abusive

Poor Paris, her personal dresser appears to have put her corset on upside-down and back-to-front.
It’s hard to find good help these days, I guess.

Posted by Nosmo_King | Report as abusive

@Nosmo: I think Lamar’s mother with her pliers dressed Paris Hilton. 11/06/19/where-do-you-find-all-those-arm s-and-legs-ma/

Posted by 69Spinster | Report as abusive

Is Mr. Spam Filter willing to re-open negotiations or should I just go ahead and trash on Ms. Hilton?

Posted by iflydaplanes | Report as abusive

@ Spin and Nosmo: Yes, Lamar’s mom, with her couturier pliers, did indeed dress Paris Hilton. Mom, as you can tell by the glasses, is famous for her lack of depth perception, an invaluable asset here. My Lamar and I are so pleased you acknowledged her.

Posted by ladylala | Report as abusive

Polish policemen got fired because really wanted to keep a close eye on Paris’s assets…

I would too 😀

Posted by fwd079 | Report as abusive